To be in a relationship or not?

LegacyUser

Well, I'm going out with a great girl - our relationship is really, really good.
However, I find myself still attracted to lots of other girls (perfectly normal I know).
I often find myself thinking of being with other girls or, at night, dreaming of being with other girls.

Just in case anyone makes any assumptions, I haven't and would have no intention of cheating.

I am fully aware that daydreams and actual dreams are just fantasy but I'm just wondering what people's opinions are on this?

I kinda feel like I haven't played the field as much as I'd like - but I have been with enough people (and seen enough other relationships) to know the relationship I have now is really, really good.

It's not something that's causing me a problem or anything - I guess I'm just wondering what you're opinions would be on this, particularly on the following aspects

(1) is it normal to dream of other people? (people I know by the way - although not good friends or anything like that)

(2) Should a man play the field more? I haven't done it a huge amount - although I suspect that it it doesn't matter if it went a scored a hundred girls - that these thoughts might still be there

(3) Any tips for dealing with this? The people I dream about are people I know (acquaintances or colleagues) - but not people I know well. So I'm just fantasising obviously and have no feelings for the real person.

Thanks!

CDfm

How old are you and how long have you been dating.

PixelTrawler

Unregistered wrote: »

Well, I'm going out with a great girl - our relationship is really, really good.
However, I find myself still attracted to lots of other girls (perfectly normal I know).
I often find myself thinking of being with other girls or, at night, dreaming of being with other girls.

Just in case anyone makes any assumptions, I haven't and would have no intention of cheating.

I am fully aware that daydreams and actual dreams are just fantasy but I'm just wondering what people's opinions are on this?

I kinda feel like I haven't played the field as much as I'd like - but I have been with enough people (and seen enough other relationships) to know the relationship I have now is really, really good.

It's not something that's causing me a problem or anything - I guess I'm just wondering what you're opinions would be on this, particularly on the following aspects

(1) is it normal to dream of other people? (people I know by the way - although not good friends or anything like that)

(2) Should a man play the field more? I haven't done it a huge amount - although I suspect that it it doesn't matter if it went a scored a hundred girls - that these thoughts might still be there

(3) Any tips for dealing with this? The people I dream about are people I know (acquaintances or colleagues) - but not people I know well. So I'm just fantasising obviously and have no feelings for the real person.

Thanks!

sounds normal enough and harmless... nothing to worry about...

LegacyUser

In all seriousness why not try have the best of both worlds?

Me and my gf are in a committed relationship for a few few years now but in that time have had 3 x threesomes with two of her girlfriends. Great fun and strengthened our relationship.

Might be something to discuss with her? Satisfy your wandering eye and open up some new experiences.

SamuelFox

When I was with my last girlfriend I had the same dreams and fantasys– looking at other girls and wondering “what if”. Basically, I reckon it’s a subconscious way of keeping some distance between you and your girlfriend.

Is it normal – yes, I think so. Good for the relationship – probably not!

Playing the field is up to yourself, but I’ll say two things, firstly, if you have something good be very wary of letting it go unless you really feel there is something better out there, and secondly guys in a relationship sometimes have an inflated opinion of their chances which comes from having a girlfriend complementing them all the time. Playing the field is great in theory but in reality it can be a **** feeling to look at what you’ve given up compared to the results from playing the field. In regard to your dreams, remember that in a fantasy, you create the person you are with- even if you fantasise about someone you know, you are still creating a persona in your mind and labelling it as that person – you’ve never seen them naked (probably!) or dated them so really you are inventing a person in these fantasies.

Tips for dealing with it I can’t really say, but I reckon that if they are a means of blocking feelings you should deal with that. It can’t be good if you are dreaming about other people – it will eventually become something you are under pressure to act on, especially if you start focusing on one person. Think about your relationship- are you happy? Are you feeling trapped? Bored? If these are the real reasons deal with them. If not, and the fantasies are nothing then maybe focus on something else.

If not, then focus on your relationship. Take it from a very unhappy man that faraway hills are not greener, and when you have something thats worth keeping then keep it!

Good luck man

LegacyUser

SamuelFox wrote: »

When I was with my last girlfriend I had the same dreams and fantasys– looking at other girls and wondering “what if”. Basically, I reckon it’s a subconscious way of keeping some distance between you and your girlfriend.

Is it normal – yes, I think so. Good for the relationship – probably not!

Playing the field is up to yourself, but I’ll say two things, firstly, if you have something good be very wary of letting it go unless you really feel there is something better out there, and secondly guys in a relationship sometimes have an inflated opinion of their chances which comes from having a girlfriend complementing them all the time. Playing the field is great in theory but in reality it can be a **** feeling to look at what you’ve given up compared to the results from playing the field. In regard to your dreams, remember that in a fantasy, you create the person you are with- even if you fantasise about someone you know, you are still creating a persona in your mind and labelling it as that person – you’ve never seen them naked (probably!) or dated them so really you are inventing a person in these fantasies.

Tips for dealing with it I can’t really say, but I reckon that if they are a means of blocking feelings you should deal with that. It can’t be good if you are dreaming about other people – it will eventually become something you are under pressure to act on, especially if you start focusing on one person. Think about your relationship- are you happy? Are you feeling trapped? Bored? If these are the real reasons deal with them. If not, and the fantasies are nothing then maybe focus on something else.

If not, then focus on your relationship. Take it from a very unhappy man that faraway hills are not greener, and when you have something thats worth keeping then keep it!

Good luck man

OP here. Cheers for the insight Samuel Fox.

If i'm brutally honest - although my girlfriend is very attractive - I do look at other girls and think that they are physically more attractive then my gf in some aspect or other.
Pretty shallow in a way - but I guess that's biology for you!
Other than that I can honestly say this is the best relationship I have ever had and I'm definetely not feeling trapped or bored.

I'm fully aware that far away fields are green and, if I were to become single, chances are I would not be scoring all of those girls that catch my eye! Also, as my group of friends are all pairing up and partying less - the opportunities for getting out there and playing the field would be lessened anyway.

That said, our relationship may have a limited shelf life due to logistical issues beyond either of our control, so if that happens I guess I'll have the chance to find out anyway!