Help..Where Do I Go From Here?

stupidfishy

Apologies if this turns into a long / ranting post..

Tonight my three best friends confronted me claiming I have an alcohol problem..
I am 17 years old.
One of them lives in another county.
One is grounded.
And the third went home for the night.
...So I am currently drunk.

I drink some form of alcohol eveyday, I rarely leave the house, and am near constantly sick.
I am in my leaving cert year and school attendance for me is a rarity.
To be perfectly honest I feel as if my life is one unfortunate event after another..but maybe that is just teenage angst?

It has stuck me before that I do have an issue with alcohol but that has seemed the least of my problems as the last year alone I have received hospital treatment for other drugs / dealt with issues of family deaths / not to mention the general teenage dramas.
I have considered suicide, but doubt I'd ever have the guts to go through with it.
Somedays I just wake up and the aches of life consume me to the point I just feel like "destroying" myself with drugs and / or alcohol.

It rips at my soul to know I have made my friends feel like this as I've experienced it with family before and know exactly how it feels.
Having said that I once confessed all of my feelings to a school counselor and ended up in hospital and to say it caused my mother and siblings turmoil would be an understatement to say the least..
So....Where do I go from here?
I want to get better..But without more pain for those I love..

Thank you for taking the time to read. X

Overheal

From here my good man, you take the bottle, you get off the computer, walk over to the sink/toilet/recepticle and pour the drink down. Time to sober up a bit. Sobriety can be fun in moderation you know.

Tonight my three best friends confronted me claiming I have an alcohol problem..
I am 17 years old.
One of them lives in another county.
One is grounded.
And the third went home for the night.
...So I am currently drunk.

I love that quote. I think I'll frame it.*

Seriously though - flush the booze and get some sobriety flowing through you. It'll hurt to do it (the aches of life as you call them) but just think that at least this way it will only hurt a little for you, and not the people around you that you seem to care a great deal about; and whom by the sound of it also seem to care a great deal for you.

Nobody here is going to call an ambulance and make an embarrassing scene for you; so if you feel like talking about yourself more, this is a fairly safe and anonymous place to do it.

*honestly. thats the start of an awesome english essay. I can feel it.

Trinity

Thats extremely well written for a 17 year old.

I am delighted you have such good friends who care about you enough to talk to you and confront you.

A lot of people that age would just be looking for a drinking buddy and congratulating themselves at being able to hold down their drink.

I dont think anyone here is qualified to advice you, i would urge you to go to your GP for a start and ask them to refer you to a counsellor.

There is no point going it alone either, i think you should talk to your mother and ask her to help you. Shutting people out wont help, she will only end up more worried about you.

You need to work through your problems. Drinking wont drown them, they can swim believe me.

These things can be sorted. Someone very close to me was a full blown heroin addict at 16, but she got through it and gave it up hard as it was and has turned her life around completely.

The first step is admitting you have a problem and seeking help, you are already half way there, and thats an excellent start.

Go to your GP on monday.

stupidfishy

I'm a girl by the way :rolleyes: [it's ridiculous I know]
Seriously though, tonight [or this morning now I guess..]
my intention was to pour the drink out the window [literaly]
but after seeing how much of a disappointment I was to them I couldn't help myself...Tomorrow [later today] I hope will be my fresh start.
Thank you

Overheal

Trinity1 wrote: »

You need to work through your problems. Drinking wont drown them, they can swim believe me.

God Damn, thats the kind of line I was looking for. And true.

Pouring the drink out the window is a classy option, and will look good on paper as you decide to commit your recovery to journal and sell it as a book - you sound a natural born writer.

Arcee

Overheal wrote: »

you sound a natural born writer.

Maybe that's what you need.... an activity to focus your energies on. And one that's theraputic at the same time. Doing something you're good at and being recognized for it is a great way to boost your self worth and wll help get you at least some way on track towards enjoying your life. I hope that doesn't come across as me trivialising your post and telling you to get a hobby - It's not meant that way at all!

stupidfishy

Again I cannot thank any of you enough,
Overheal, thank you so much for the encouragement with writing, that is one of few things I am still passionate about and it was my ambition before all of 'this'.
Arcee I do not find your post patronising at all, I truely find it as helpful as Overheals and Trinitys.
Having read the few replies in such a short time I feel enocouraged to pick back up my journal which has been left molding for the past few months.
Having said that, Trinity I am still unsure about seeing my GP..
Please do not see this as an attempt for attention but a refusal to seak help but that is a very very big step you ask, one which I am not sure if I am prepared for..

Once again with the apologise but I genuinely am sorry for any spelling / grammar mistakes at the moment, I presume I've left little to the imagination as do why they will occur.

Overheal

good journalism catches the good the bad and the ugly. dont ever be afraid to write it all down. have fun catching up on it

Trinity

I understand your relucatance to seek professional help.

Thats not for the drinking, you can stop tonight with a bit of willpower, i've done it myself so i know its not easy but it is possible.

The professional help would be to understand why you are drinking. Sounds like you are trying to blot out life, reality and some kind of hurt and pain that you think the drink/drugs will numb. If you can learn to deal with these things sober, thats when you wont feel you "need" to drink.

Drinking is a symptom. If you spend your life drunk your gonna miss out on all the good stuff.

And there is good stuff, although at times it may not seem like it. You have probably heard this before but you have your whole life ahead of you. You can travel, have a career of your chosing, fall in love, its all there for the taking at the moment.

If you can understand why you drink and get to the root of the problem yourself thats well and good. But dont be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Keating

stupidfishy wrote: »

I'm a girl by the way :rolleyes: [it's ridiculous I know]
Seriously though, tonight [or this morning now I guess..]
my intention was to pour the drink out the window [literaly]
but after seeing how much of a disappointment I was to them I couldn't help myself...Tomorrow [later today] I hope will be my fresh start.
Thank you

Just because your friends confronted you because they think you have a drink problem doesn't mean you are a disappointment to them. They sound like three good friends and are concerned about you and want to help and obviously think you're worth it.

Vero

if you don't want to have professional help yet, you could maybe get your friends to help you to stay off the drink, I'm sure they can really be a help because they already confronted you with your problem and showed that they care about you.

thannever

Don't apologise . You are trying to confront your problems and writing down what you did was brave.

You have a drink/drugs problem and it seems like you have had to deal with a lot of other serious issues. So don't go on blaming yourself. A lot of people have been where you are at the moment and with a lot of support (and perhaps a few slip ups along the way ) they kicked it.

You are young and you have good friends and people who love you. Now is the time to lean a little on them . You sound depressed you may need something to help you.

You are intelligent and sensitive and have so much living to do and the world needs people like you.

Get out of that room - turn off that sad,introspective music. Confide in family - your mother is a good place to start and those three friends. You probably have fallen behind with school work - just start planning to get stuck in. You will not be able to do it alone. You need help every step of the way and people you can trust. You need a professional person to help - someone who is not judgemental and who has experienced life a bit.

The fact that you wrote this entry means you are ready - the time is now.Carpe Diem.

Shy?!

Sometimes I feel like getting lost in drugs and drink and there were times I did only to feel no better infact worse than before I decided to. You must pretty low? I know your saying going to your gp is a very very big step for you but you need to talk to someone. Would you try going to a counsellor? You obviously have underlying issues that need to be brought to the surface and dealt with. If you are able to talk to your friends then better again. You realise something is not right so it's time to take control of your life and steer it into the direction you want it to go.

stupidfishy

When I woke up today [about 10pm to be honest]
I was ashamed of myself for starting this thread let alone posting in it multiple times.
But I guess the fact of the matter is that I genuinely felt the need to reach out..and that fooks with my head.
I think it's been a few days since I first posted [I'm not really sure]
But how and ever..
Part of me thinks I want this to stop.
Another part thinks I am in no way responsible or even willing to put this to a stop.
I laughed with bitterness at the fact that after I was 'confronted' the dear friend that did so then left me alone in a house full of alcohol..
The fact that I even thought like the screws with my head..What exactly is going on here that I've become so selfish.
The one that lives in another county called me tonight but her head is screwed equally so to ask for help would have been pure selfishness.
The friend that 'confronted' me has not spoken to me since he left that night..apparently he's upset about the state I am in besides other things.
To be honest it breaks my heart he is ignoring my texts but to be honest I understand why..
And before you wonder, yes I am drunk again, tonight [well night is my day so today] I have consumed an intire bottle of sherry, two cans of cider, and two cans of beer, there is a half drunk bottle of wine in the kitchen calling my name. Normaly I'm a vodka girl but at the moment I'm clinging at straws and drinking whatever I can.
Basicaly I think my question is, if I'm in this state right now, when I asked for help did I really mean it?
I've been in this state before and I've kicked that habbit out the waiting door but seriously though..If it's not one thing then it's another..It feels like I've been on this road so long I'm just kidding myself and others everytime I think I want out.
I find myself full of numerous excuses and explanations..

nelliet

feel for you, you are now scared that you may have to change, and to what, but that is everyone's life journey to discover the "what" in life is for them. Speaking as a now 48 year woman, who was once the hard drinking drug taking girl of the 70's, I was afraid to live, afraid I wasn't good enough to participate fully inlife, but I did one step at a time. You should get some help, drinking is only the symptom. You are good enough as you are, you don't need to hide behind alcohol. I hope you find the courage to jump into life, and start living fully, you can do it!

CDfm

Stupidfishy - you should be ok talking to your GP as they have a duty of confidentiality to you.So you need to get there.

Being 17 is hard enough without this.This is about you and not your family so put their feelings to oneside and think about yerself.

As I see it you need to get some kind of support aftercare for your previous problems. So your GP needs to help you get that.

Most of life is about putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with it so you need to be able to set some goals.Getting one thing in order and focused will help you put some structure in your life and you can put some perspective on things. Other stuff can be put on the long finger.

It might be that you need help to keep you grounded and to get a handle on it and tackle your leaving cert. Thats realistic that you can do that and with all the study aids out there its feasable that you can tackle the Leaving Cert and get that part of your problem solved.

You might think it shallow to get focused on a single issue but its not - others are well able to stand up for themselves and deal with life - you just might find it hardr to do then others.

You are not asking for any help you are not entitled too. So dont be ashamed.

Go for it girl and you can do it.

Craft25

Hi fishy.. you shouldnt call yourself stupid by the way! lol

I Second everyone else about seeking advice from professionals/doctors familiar with the area..

just a couple of things i picked up on:
firstly you seem to mention the aches and the pains of life a couple of times... it is true that aswell as some profound joys, life can bring unbearable deep pain and horror, it's like an abyss and some people have to face it much more in life than others... alcohol can numb these feelings temporariy.. but it is just that; temporary, and when the numbness wears off the pain strikes back tenfold, causing one to drink again and the cycle becomes almost unbreakable.. i dunno what exactly to say about this, just that maybe you can look for alternative means to give you a break from this ache... everyones is different but i enjoy surroundingmyself with family, particularly watching the joy of younger family grow, walking, taking in fresh air, listening to music, drawing... the aches can hang around in your thoughts too and catharthic exercises like drwaing, writing, a good old wallow in tears and sad music can help the blues to float away.. you'll find your own ways if you look for them

another thing you mentioned was "seeing how much disappointment i was to them" about your friends... you just cannot look at it that way... you are not a dissappointment to them, they obviously see something special in you to stand buy you, and you should garner hope and courage from this..

some sayings in the english language stick, because there is profound truth to them, one is: That which does not kill me makes me stronger!! For facing your demons and coming out the other end you will be a tower of strength to others around you.. keep at it

Shy?!

Hey Fishy

I know this is a very serious matter to you and I did make a genuine reply but check out this link http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055239859&goto=newpost

Shy?!

castle

Have you asked yourself why do you drink?
Some people drink because they feel useless,want attention,need drink to make them feel better,depression etc.
I have seen what drink does and for someone so young to seek help then that alone must be a positive thing.
People get a lot of comfort from alcohol but it is normally short lived before it grabs hold of you and it won't let go.You have not got near that stage and I know from your post that you don't want to.Try it on your own first to stop drinking and don't tell people you are giving up let them see for themselves.You know you will be the loser in the end if you continue.
Go out take exercise and enjoy the good things in your life,this includes your friends.You must turn that corner yourself if possible this will make your strong for the rest of your life believe me if not seek help from a person that has been recommended.Best of luck you must believe in something other than drink and |I believe you do.

Phoenix_Rising

Hey girl. Well done on being brave enough to put up a thread looking for help. You are obviously a bright and articulate woman and im not going to bull**** you and tell you that everything is going to be ok. Nor am i going to tell you that you have a drink problem. One of the most difficult things about alcohol addiction is that there is no cut and dry test that will tell you that you are or are not an alcoholic - it is something that you will have to decide for yourself. What i can do is tell you a bit about myself, it might help.



I am an alcoholic. Sober for 508 days today, one day at a time. I wasnt drinking every day when i was 17. I was by the time i was 22 though. I distenced myself from friends if i felt that they disapproved of my drinking because i dreaded someone ( anyone) telling me i had a problem. I knew in my heart of hearts that something was wrong, but i didnt want to deal with it so i blocked it out with more booze.



Through my early and mid 20s i was a reasonably highly functioning alcoholic. In fact, i would have said that i didnt have a problem because i finished college, got a job and went to work every day. It wasnt a life though, Every day was a fresh battle to get to a time when i could sit and drink.



Again, i reiterate that i cant say whether or not you have a drink problem but if you do, here are some of the things you may have to look forward to if you dont stop



1. Waking up in bed with someone and have no idea who they are or if you had sex with them.

2. Going to work too hungover or too drunk to work and terrified of being caught out

3. wetting yourself

4. fights with family and friends that you have no idea of the cause or content of.

5. Relationships with people that you dont particularly like, just because they drink at the same pace as you

6. Health problems. Stomach ulsers, skin rashes, rotted teeth from throwing up, thrush.

7. Depression. For an alcoholic, alcohol is like poison. You think that it stops the pain, but in reality it makes the pain worse. Alcohol does not help depression, when you are depressed and you drink you bury the feeling deep inside yourself rather than dealing with it. The feelings will always resurface. Always.

8. Lying as a normal part of life. It isnt possible to function as an alcoholic without lying. You have to account for all that missing time when you are drinking or blacked out. It makes others very angry to be lied to but to an alcoholic it is the most natural thing in the world to lie, to cheat, to steal, to seek sympathy by false pretences - occupational hazard you might say.

9. Dread. Some people refer to it as "the rats". The awful feeling that something has gone terribly wrong. in the early days of alcohol addiction drink will make this feeling dissapear. As matters progress though you need to drink ore and more to get that peaceful feeling and eventually nomatter how much you drink it doesnt take the fear away.

10. The fact that it is a progressive illness. You may be on a plateau, which may last for quite some time but the illness will get worse. For example, for well over two years my drinking pattern was to come home from work, have dinner, go for a walk, have a shower and then sit down and drink 6 cans of beer or a bottle of wine and be in bed by midnight. Then that amount of drink became insufficient. Little by little i had to have more drink on a daily basis. Before i stopped drinking my pattern was that i would wake somewhere between 5 and 7 in the morning and drink. i would try and limit my drinking as i knew that i needed to drive to work. I also knew that i had to drink to be able to function though. I usually didnt make it to bed so i would wake fully dressed on the couch, drink a glass of wine or two and drive to work. I was usually incapable of working until lunchtime at least. Sometimes i would have a drink at lunchtime or bring drink to the office to get through the day. I would leave work and go straight to the off licence. I can still remember the struggle of driving in traffic and battling to resist the urge to open a bottle of wine and start to drink. I would get into my house and immediately (before i took my coat off or turned on the heating) close the curtains and start to drink. I would promise myself that after half a bottle i would have a shower or eat but i rarely did. I would drink 2 or 2 1/2 bottles of wine, pass out and start it all again the followig morning. It was hell.





I didnt give up drinking, drinking gave up on me! My employer ( a wonderfully kind man) saw how much trouble i was in and contacted my family. I think i wsa ready to give in though, i couldnt keep drinking and i couldnt stop and i knew i was going to die, either by accident or design, very shortly if something didnt change. Stopping drinking changed my life. It gave me a life. It gave me back my dignity, it gave me the ability to make decisions. It gave me hope.



My advice to you would be to try and stop drinking for a week. Just see if you can do it. If you can, then try going out and having two pints and then stopping, see if you can do that. It may be that you have convinced yourself that you cant stop drinking when i reality you just havent tried.



If you find that you cant stop drinking on your own - get help. i stopped drinking at 30 and i really regret not getting help sooner. If i can be of any help, anything at all, PM me and i will do my best for you.



If you have a drink problem then giving up will not be easy- but it will be easier than continuing to drink - that i can promise you.



*hugs*