Thrown out of family home

zliggy

I have been suffering for servere depression (on meds and CBT) for the last eight years. Ive been living back in the family home for the the last seven years. My mother remarried and my stepfather has now decided he wants rid of me. The house is still in my mothers name. But he is putting a lot of pressure on her to throw me out. Someone has suggested that I apply for squatters rights on the home. Is this a option ?

drunkmonkey

Could be time to move out and get off the drugs, 7 years is a long time to be living under your mums feet, they need their space as well.....
What are you depressed about?
The change of surroundings or adventure of starting your own life could be just the lift you need....

Overheal

7 years is a very long time to be dragging your feet.

Hogzy

An Irish High Court case in 2007 set out the tests for determining whether a squatter has acquired the property by adverse possession (ie Squatters rights). In summary, they are:

1. Occupation must be for a continuous period of twelve years;

2. The occupier must show an intention to possess the land, rather than the exercise of grazing rights or the like over the land; and

3. The legal owner can break the period of possession by certain acts. Time then begins to run when that act terminates.

Unless you have built something in the house or paid a substantial sum of money so that you have an interest in the house you will more than likely not have any squatters rights! and you have only been there 7yrs... Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!

LegacyUser

zliggy,
I have no clue if you're entitled to squatter's rights. To the best of my knowledge you can still inherit but the stepfather is entitled to at least one third of the house..but I am not a solicitor so can't be defo on that.
However, it is your mother's house not yours in the eyes of the law, so to be honest if she wants you out then she has that right and since I presume you are over 18 then you are responsible for your own housing sick or not. Also there is no way I would want to stay where I was not welcome and was made uncomfortable as you clearly are.This will not help you get better. I am sorry for you it must be tough with illness etc. Maybe you could put your name on the housing list and talk to the community welfare officer about renting somewhere. Good luck and sorry you are having a tough time.

MagicMarker

zliggy wrote: »

I have been suffering for servere depression (on meds and CBT) for the last eight years. Ive been living back in the family home for the the last seven years. My mother remarried and my stepfather has now decided he wants rid of me. The house is still in my mothers name. But he is putting a lot of pressure on her to throw me out. Someone has suggested that I apply for squatters rights on the home. Is this a option ?

Sorry dude, but unless you're bed bound then they're probably doing what's best for you! You need to find some independence again.

LegacyUser

ah thats real sad and just after the new year!!

You really need to look at this as a fresh start and try not get even more depressed because of it..

Maybe it is time to move out you can't stay at home forever, it could be just what you need to sort your head and life out...

Take care...

Catari Jaguar

Your mother has let you stay there for 7 extra years. Even your step father has put up with having a grown up live in the house. Three is a crowd. She is entitled to her own life, she spent enough of hers raising you.

To try and get squatters rights is one of the sickest, most selfish things I have heard. And people talking about inheritance while his mother is still alive??? Get a grip. :mad:

LegacyUser

Yea you're right Lil Kitten, apologies for saying that.

Wibbs

zliggy wrote: »

I have been suffering for servere depression (on meds and CBT) for the last eight years.

Drunkmonkey, I'm sorry where does the OP say he's on non prescription drugs? The guy has a bloody mental illness for which he is taking medically prescribed drugs and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Frankly while he may be "under their feet", the OP suffers from a medical condition that is and has presumably negatively impacted his life. It is not as some seem to be suggesting a change is as good as a rest, he just needs independence or that the OP is overly selfish. He has an actual illness that in many cases if not most has an underlying phsyical aspect. Would we all be so quick to condemn the chap or chapess if they were bed bound with one leg?

Yes threes a crowd and all that, but who knows if the OP's stepfather is putting undue pressure on the OP's mum? We don't. Family dynamics are complex things, never more so than when a newish member comes along.

Yes a change may help. Independence may help too, but I for one think the OP has to look at what options are open to him.

Are you working? Could you get a place, maybe sharing to keep social relationships going?

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

where does the OP say he's on non prescription drugs?

i've seen both types do terrible damage, clear head and a change of scenery is required, thinking about squatters rights is not the thougths of a depressed person it's the thoughts of a determined person, someone capable and with strong of mind...

maybe if op went on holidays for 2 weeks and give everyone a break and see how the land lies them....good heart to heart with mum wouldn't hurt either...

Monkey61

Yes the OP has an illness and depression is a nightmare, but after 7 years living in the family home I'd say enough is enough.

OP for your own sake and your own mental well being, this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you. It's far too easy when depressed to let yourself wallow in it if others are enabling you. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness.

After 7 years in CBT and on medication, if you are still horrendously depressed, then something isn't working and needs to be changed. If your medication and therapy are sorted, then you need to look at the rest of your life and make some changes in that - exercise, good diet,job etc. Obviously you may already have all of this stuff sorted - but if you don't then do it.

Your mother is entitled to her own life, without another adult in her home. Seven years is far too long for you to have remained living there. It is not your house. Depression is hellish, but it does not mean you cannot live on your own, or in a shared house. It does not require you to live with your mother.

Bobeagleburger

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Could be time to move out and get off the drugs, 7 years is a long time to be living under your mums feet, they need their space as well.....
What are you depressed about?
The change of surroundings or adventure of starting your own life could be just the lift you need....

Typical sort of ignorant opinion that exists that p1sses me off.:mad:

Its a mental illness and throwaway remarks like that shows a complete lack of understanding and knowledge.Before posting such a stupid comment I suggest you do some research in future

LegacyUser

What you are going through sounds horrilbe - zliggy. I don't know anything about the squatters rights issue but I am no stranger to depression myself and had to move home again 2 years ago but I've known for a long time that its not an ideal situation to be in. I am going to make a move next month and am looking forward to the independence. I don't think that you can ever truly feel like your own person while you have a parent watching over you all the time. I think it puts a strain on your relationship as well when you are seeing so much of each other. I would say it is awful to have your step-father move in. It helps your self-esteem when you are more independent.

drunkmonkey

rarnes1 wrote: »

Typical sort of ignorant opinion that exists that p1sses me off.:mad:

hey he asked for advice, we all gave out 2cent, Wibbs had already giving me the nod:o

this line p1sses me off.... "The house is still in my mothers name. But he is putting a lot of pressure on her to throw me out. Someone has suggested that I apply for squatters rights on the home. Is this a option ?"

OP really needs to move out, but that won't be easy.... Irish Mammys are the best in the world, I can understand why OP want's to stay...:)

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

i've seen both types do terrible damage,

I've seen far more damage done by non prescription drugs. In any case how do you know the person being medically treated wouldn't have been worse without them?

clear head and a change of scenery is required,

Well the clear head may not be too easy to come by. I assuming you're not suggesting the OP comes of the medication as that would be unbelievably daft on so many levels, not least dangerous withdrawals.

thinking about squatters rights is not the thougths of a depressed person it's the thoughts of a determined person, someone capable and with strong of mind...

I have no doubt the OP is capable of being capable, but come back to me when you have your psych qualifications all in order, before any of us can lay claim to what is and whats not the thoughts of a depressed stranger on the internet.

maybe if op went on holidays for 2 weeks and give everyone a break and see how the land lies them....good heart to heart with mum wouldn't hurt either...

I do agree with the heart to heart, but there are practicalities to think on too. Does the OP have work in order to pay for a 2 week holiday? If he does can he get time off? It's a complex situation.

Monkey61 wrote:

Yes the OP has an illness and depression is a nightmare, but after 7 years living in the family home I'd say enough is enough.

OP for your own sake and your own mental well being, this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you. It's far too easy when depressed to let yourself wallow in it if others are enabling you. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness.

After 7 years in CBT and on medication, if you are still horrendously depressed, then something isn't working and needs to be changed. If your medication and therapy are sorted, then you need to look at the rest of your life and make some changes in that - exercise, good diet,job etc. Obviously you may already have all of this stuff sorted - but if you don't then do it.

+1 especially about working with your doctor(or seeking a new one) that may have other therapies available that may suit you better.

XJR

Obviously the OP is suffering from an illness and he has my sympathy for his condition and predicament.

However squatters rights even if it were possible is so far from a good idea to be ridiculous. Seven years is a long time to be getting things together and you know I have a fair degree of sympathy not just for OP but for him Mum & step dad.

Why is moving out not an option? The OP has not given any reason why he should not pursue this course of action - and please don't start posting all the reasons why you think its not a good idea cause unless you're the OP you're speculating.

Wibbs

XJR wrote: »

Why is moving out not an option? The OP has not given any reason why he should not pursue this course of action - and please don't start posting all the reasons why you think its not a good idea cause unless you're the OP you're speculating.

I agree. I personally think he should move out, but as you say we don't know the practicalities re work, finance etc.

BroomBurner

OP,

Is there any possibility of converting a garage or an attic in the house in to a self-contained unit? If your mental illness does mean that you are unable to function properly outside the care of a parent, perhaps this could be the way forward.

However, if your mental illness is not one that effects your ability to live on your own, then I'm afraid it's time for you to move out. Your mother is not just a mother.

CeilingCat

Wibbs wrote: »

I assuming you're not suggesting the OP comes of the medication as that would be unbelievably daft on so many levels, not least dangerous withdrawals.

+1
You do not just *come off* prescription medication. Trust me on this one - I was on medication for less than a year after something happened in my life, and when I felt it was time to come off it, it was a long drawn out process which was very uncomfortable. If the OP has been on medication for a number of years and his doctor has not suggested he come off it, then there's a very good reason for that.

The bit that concerns me is that his stepfather is putting pressure on his mother to make him move out - OP, is your mother in total agreement with this?? How does she feel about it? She's entitled to her space etc etc, but you're still her child. Your stepdad will obviously never have the bond with you that she has... not fair of him to be pressuring her though.

'What are you depressed about?'
There doesn't have to be a reason. It's a mental illness. Sometimes it just 'is'. If it were something tangible/physical, but equally as debilitating, would the attitude be any different I wonder? It's too easy to assume that people can just 'snap out of' depression - not always the case.

I think applying for squatters rights is a bit hit and miss and would almost definately cause big resentment, whatever the outcome.

OP - can you ever see yourself being ready to have a go at moving out? Could you put a plan into action and ask for x amount of time? I agree that if the treatment you've been having hasn't worked, it's time to look into other options.

NOT suggesting that it would cure you - but gradually improving your nutrition, physical activity, getting into hobbies etc, might give you the little shove with energy that you need to get the ball rolling. And I do know it's hard to get started, very hard (ask me how I know hehe), but once you actually start moving, you feel so much better. Plus it might show them that you're willing to do something and ease the pressure a little.

Best of luck OP - hope this all turns out well for you

CeilingCat

drunkmonkey wrote: »

The change of surroundings or adventure of starting your own life could be just the lift you need....

To a depressed person, this could actually be terrifying.
Depression really does a number on your self esteem, confidence, self respect. So much so, that simple things that the rest of us take for granted can be utterly overwhelming. So there's that to consider too. If a person has been stuck at home, sheltered from the outside world, something as simple as going to the shops can be a big deal. It turns into a vicious circle and feeds back into itself. Addressing the confidence levels and self esteem is essential when you're trying to pull yourself back up out of depression.

Me to you

7 Years is a long time to be living with mum and if theres no improvment in our condition living at your mums then maybe your new found independence will be just the boost you need.

Best of wishes.

gamer

go to centrecare, cathedral street ,off o,connell st,they,ll help you to find new accomodation.SEE threshold.ie, they will also help you,the office is near all the shops,main road stoneybatter .I presume you live in dublin.Focus housing advice centre will help you find a flat,see focus building temple bar.