Help finding son

LegacyUser

i am in my late thirties
in my late teens i had a one night stand !
I've recently heard whispers that the young lady had a boy 9 months later,
i'm finding it difficult to find out if there is truth to the rumour or not.
he would be 20 now , and possibly from Limerick
How can i proceed with this ?
If the rumour is true I want to get to know him
help if you can
Thanks


A -

ShawnRaven

I'd tread very carefully there pal. There's a pretty good chance he may not feel the same way about you. Twenty years is a long time, and the way he could see it, it could be twenty years too late.

Put his feelings before your own in this case.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

biko

I suggest you try to find the mother first and talk to her.

MagicMarker

If you've only heard this recently then why not ask those who told you for info on the possible mother, if you can contact her you can ask for yourself.

If it's true, then you're well within your right to want to get to know him, just like a son may like to get to know his father. In both cases on has to prepare for the possibility that the other won't want to know.

As far as I'm concerned, you did nothing wrong, it's not like you abandoned him. If I had a son out there that I didn't know about, I think I'd try and get in touch.

metrovelvet

Can you say more about the rumours? how did you first hear of them? How long ago did you hear you may be a father? Who told you this?

LegacyUser

A highly unethical method is to employ a PI. Most of these guys work off contacts in social welfare or the revenue commissioners. Once they have enough details from you on the mother is it very easy to see if she has any children and that child's DOB.

They can even get a hair sample to run on a DNA comparison with you. It won't stand up in court but you will know and she will be none the wiser.

Not cheap.

LegacyUser

i didn't get her full name...
or where in Limerick she lived then.
we were together at the after party of a wedding in 1988, maybe july or august
which would suggest d.o.b may-1989 or so.

dudara

Unregistered wrote: »

i didn't get her full name...
or where in Limerick she lived then.
we were together at the after party of a wedding in 1988, maybe july or august
which would suggest d.o.b may-1989 or so.

Surely you know the couple whose wedding you attended. Maybe you can talk to them, or a relative to see who the woman was.

I'd suggest making contact with her first, if you can locate her, to verify this story.

LegacyUser

i wasn't actually a guest at the wedding
i was in the hotel where the reception was on, that same evening
i bumped into herself in a bar, she was with some mates,
away from the wedding party
she asked me to the after party then
i didn't know the couple ...
whatta mess

LegacyUser

put an add in a limerick newspaper

metrovelvet

Unregistered wrote: »

i wasn't actually a guest at the wedding
i was in the hotel where the reception was on, that same evening
i bumped into herself in a bar, she was with some mates,
away from the wedding party
she asked me to the after party then
i didn't know the couple ...
whatta mess

Contact the hotel. See if they have a record of the wedding reception and also contact the nearby parish church and see of they have a record of the wedding. They should have the names of the couple somewhere.

Then look them up in the phonebook, in every county phonebook in the country. They may have moved.

sam34

if you dont even know her full name, and her current whereabouts, and you two dont have mutual acquaintences that you know of, how have you recently heard rumours?

i mean, has someone said to you "oh btw, do you know that mary in limerick had a baby boy 20 years ago"?

i dont get it??

0utshined

sam34++

Where exactly have you heard these "whispers" from? Go to that person and find out what they know. You need to be assertive about this. They either know something or they don't and if they heard it off someone else you go to them and find out what they know.

And to the unregistered poster who said that to use a PI would be unethical, I really don't see how.

LegacyUser

get hold of those where the rumours are coming from and get the truth out of them

LegacyUser

you haven't given us much to go on here dude ...

LegacyUser

get some answers out of whom ever is spreading this rumour
thats where to start

LegacyUser

if i was you I'd put an add in a limerick news parer like another guy said, if he does exist it might be easier to track him down than you think, limerick is not terribly big, plus everyone knows everyone here

LegacyUser

there was something like this on the radio before and they traced the person, it was a mother looking for a father, somewhere in England...
might be worth a shot