Am i just jealous, or is it more?

LegacyUser

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 3 months now. He tells me he loves me and I believe him, I trust him a lot, he is the nicest guy i've met in such a long time and he makes a huge effort to spend time with me and make sure I'm happy etc.

My problem lies in a good friend I have, a flirty, confident girl, we have been best friends for a number of years now. She has been going out with her bf for over a year now, they've had their ups and downs but they are for the most part inseperable. I will however say that she is very hard on him and will give out to him for the most stupid reasons ever. Everybody, every guy especially just loves her, talks about how great she is, and would nearly always choose her over others, if that makes sense.

The thing is, she always seems to be flirting with my bf, and it really really pisses me off, even though she is like this with every guy and i should just let it go, as it's just who she is. But really, i think she goes too far, when she will grab his hand, tell him he's the greatest guy ever, text him asking him to come out for a drink with her (without asking me to come out), she finds every excuse to text him and hang out with him, it just feels really uncomfortable for me. I mean, she's only known him the last 2 months!

For him, i believe he doesn't see the harm in it, and at this point is just wanting to be friendly to my friends, it's always her who makes "the first move" as such.

He is only being friendly, i believe, so i don't want to say anything to him, i dont want anyone to think that im some paranoid control freak. I dont want to say anytihng to her because i know that this is just her, being so flirty and outgoing and i feel i'd be making an attack on her personality, and i'm afraid that she would possibly get angry at me.

I am naturally very very shy, and it takes a good while for me to get to know poeple. I'm not one to stand up and say how i feel, but just because i dont, doesnt mean that i dont care. I have low self esteem and possibly insecure, I dont know, and will always put myself below others, i always feel that "oh, why would someone like me, when all my friends are so much better than me", and I'm so scared of losing everything that makes me happy right now, and it gets me so down, which kind of ruins the whole being happy thing. This guy has been my first proper boyfriend, and the first person to give me so much attention.

I have told a friend about my situation (not incl. my whole low self esteem bit) and she says that if we're all ever out and she see's anything that is a bit far she will say something, but i really dont know if that will do any help.

I just don't know how to deal with it. I've considered counselling, but i dont know how it would help, and i am scared to meet somebody i dont know and spill my feelings to them.

Trinity

Well i'm afraid you are going to have to say something to her if you dont like it. Its the only way she will stop. I would simply watch how i say it to her though. I wouldnt mind her grabbing his hand too much or having a laugh.

But I wouldnt like her asking him out without you. What does her bf think of that? I think there are boundaries, especially as your relationship is so new and you are getting to know each other, and i do feel your friend is crossing them. Then again not everyone is like me, but if you are uncomfortable with it, then its an issue.

How did she get his number out of curiousity?

LegacyUser

The night of her birthday he wanted to text her saying happy birthday, so i let him have it. =S

Also, i should point out that she told me about a month ago that she was jealous of us having a new relationship because her's is boring and old now and that it's all new and exciting for me. But, that's not an excuse for her, if she wants to feel excited over a new guy, she should get her own.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Talk to her not him.

You're only going out 3 months/ I don't think that's long enough to be basing your life and happiness on

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

You're only going out 3 months/ I don't think that's long enough to be basing your life and happiness on

Sorry, by this i meant, that whichever way it turns out, i dont want to lose him, her, any other friends in between and lose more confidence than the little i already have.

pseudonym1

I'd talk to him - if there is something in it than he will have more than likely twigged it. You said your friend is like this with most guys - if she is your friend tell her exactly what you stated in original post. I dont know what kinda friend - good bad etc
I used to go out with a guy and had similiar unfounded insecurities ended up - whilst she was grand a bit of fun and nice to look at - his discription not mine. Going out with someone like her would drive him mad for loads of reasons. He was happy enough with me if I agreed - good times Anyway he is with you untill such time you are not together - I dont think you would sound like a psycho fruitcake if you convayed your feelings. Besides if its real he will love you in despite of being a psycho fruitcake and respect and care for how your feeling.
Best of luck

Oh and you have only been together a couple of months - in the grand scheme of things thats very little so dont put all your energy into it just yet.

LegacyUser

In fact in now seems to have come to a stage where I cant have a night out of just friends, without her inviting my boyfriend along. She doesnt even say it to me, she just invites him.

Tonight it was planned a few friends would go out to the pub because my otehr friend is travelling up the country to go back to college. my bf isnt good friends with him, and i wasnt told to bring him, so i thought itd be inappropriate if i did seen as it's just a friends get together, and the fact she will be there also put me off inviting him, but then she goes and asks him, offers him a lift down, and they can get a taxi back together.

The only good thing about tonight, is my best friend who i've told all this to will be there, and will say something to her if she see's her going too far, so it hopefully may help to end this carry on. If i end up upset again tonight, i may say it to him. maybe.

LegacyUser

How is this situation panning out?

She sounds immature and insecure, you should rise above it. The main thing is whether your boyfriend is being good.