Opinions on this break up reason?

LegacyUser

Sorry if this is long........

So I was with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years, her birthday was on the 19th so I took her out for a meal as a suprise on the 18th to a nice restaurant as she was working on her birthday.

So I suprise her and tell her where we're going and then she tells me shes not dressed up enough (which she was) so then we went to Eddie Rockets instead.....

Then on her birthday I pick her up from work and I had bought her a CD she asked me for, for Christmas, so then I thought it would be a nice suprise on her birthday.

So I give it to her and she flips, saying how she had told me her best friend was getting it for her for her birthday and that she told me that. It gets better.......

So not only did she not appreciate the gift, she accused me of purposefully buying it to piss her and her friend off. I was in a state of shock that what I thought was a nice gesture could be perceived like that.

She then went on to say its an example of how I don't listen to her in the relationship which is apparently a big enough reason to break up with me. Things she tells me when we're driving in the car I'm expected to remember days later when all I can think of is that we get where we're going safely. She tells me how shes better looking than me and that theres always fellas chatting her up in work and on nights out, complains that I don't threat her well by taking her out for meals and buying her jewellery etc "like my friends boyfriends"

She hasn't contacted me since, has went out drinking with her friends twice since than, I don't know about last night what she did, hasn't wished me happy new year, removed me as her other half on bebo and removed me from her friends list. She did text me happy Christmas but that was it.

I'm still kind of in shock about the whole thing I mean we were perfect 2-3 weeks ago and she had never acted like that before, was the perfect girlfriend etc. I'm not in bits about this but I am fairly down about it/just disappointed that the hopes we had/shared for the relationship are after falling apart so quickly. I mean 3 and half years is long enough together.

I'm thinking that this whole thing has just been a smoke screen to whats really going on whether its another fella or what I don't know. But something just doesn't feel right about it.

Anyway if you've read it all thanks and was just looking to get some outside perspective on this.

jellie

sounds to me like she either wants an easy way out of the relationship or shes playing games to make you jealous.

either way, it all seems very childish. she seems to want to mould you into her perfect boyfriend or something.

you sound very young?

it all sounds a bit headwrecking to be honest.

Nuttzz

She then went on to say its an example of how I don't listen to her in the relationship which is apparently a big enough reason to break up with me. Things she tells me when we're driving in the car I'm expected to remember days later when all I can think of is that we get where we're going safely. She tells me how shes better looking than me and that theres always fellas chatting her up in work and on nights out, complains that I don't threat her well by taking her out for meals and buying her jewellery etc "like my friends boyfriends"

rightly or wrongly the above sums it up you dont listen, you dont treat her well compared to what her mates tell her and the far away fields are greener. I'd be interested to know how old you both are (i'm guessing very early 20's) I think she wants to play the field and doesnt want to "settle" too early.

unhappycamper

Hey man I am real sorry that you are dealing with this kind of crap from the girl that you been in a long term relationship with. When someone starts treating you like this the best thing to do is learn from it and move on. She is treating you like she has met somebody 'better' and that is not cool at all. My x treated me like that in the last few days before we split, complaining about anything and everything. She had met someone else to. Walk away before she can get a chance to hurt you anymore.

Silverfish

What you listed there would be more reason for you to break up with her, than for her to break up with you...

It does sound a bit odd for stuff like this to happen after so long, if it all fell apart in the space of two weeks then there does seem to be more to it.

Maybe she's just been unhappy in the relationship for no particular reason, and was just naming those things because they're all she could put her finger on.

Hard as it seems right now, I'd stop worrying about her reasons and how legitimate they are, whats done is done. Would the reason change the situation?
You might be best giving it a while, then contacting her (if she doesn't contact you first) to talk to her, and see whats really up.

Caryatnid

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm thinking that this whole thing has just been a smoke screen to whats really going on whether its another fella or what I don't know.

OP, based on your post, it does seem to me that this is the most likely explanation - this would explain her irrational behaviour.

LegacyUser

Nuttzz wrote: »

rightly or wrongly the above sums it up you dont listen, you dont treat her well compared to what her mates tell her and the far away fields are greener. I'd be interested to know how old you both are (i'm guessing very early 20's) I think she wants to play the field and doesnt want to "settle" too early.

Yeah early 20s.

Fair enough if she wants to play the field, but for the last 3 years thats been the exact opposite of what she's told me and was delighted that we were each others first. We would be more religious than most for our generation (not fundamentalists by any stretch) discussed marriage etc, wanted a traditional relationship. Like its just so out of character for her is whats confusing me the most.

Beruthiel

Very lucky escape there for you OP. You can do better than her. Miles better. She's no loss.

LegacyUser

unhappycamper wrote: »

Hey man I am real sorry that you are dealing with this kind of crap from the girl that you been in a long term relationship with. When someone starts treating you like this the best thing to do is learn from it and move on. She is treating you like she has met somebody 'better' and that is not cool at all. My x treated me like that in the last few days before we split, complaining about anything and everything. She had met someone else to. Walk away before she can get a chance to hurt you anymore.

Thanks man, I'm sorry to hear that about your girlfriend. Was she upfront about it to you?

If she has met somebody I'd be hurt but at least I'd know she wasn't the person she had led me to believe she was, just some common courtesy and decency would be appreciated if that is the case.

Trinity

Wow. She sounds like a spoilt brat tbh.

I have no idea what the real reasons for the break up were but they are the worst excuses i've seen.

Relationships go through some rocky times, far far worse than you buying the wrong cd.

Sounds like she wanted out, she has gone to extreme lengths as well so it doesnt seem to be a little huff or anything.

Its a tough one but all you can do is accept she wanted out and try your best to move on. You dont need that treatment. A lot of girls would be very grateful for your effort, i know i would, so dont blame yourself.

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

What you listed there would be more reason for you to break up with her, than for her to break up with you...

It does sound a bit odd for stuff like this to happen after so long, if it all fell apart in the space of two weeks then there does seem to be more to it.

Maybe she's just been unhappy in the relationship for no particular reason, and was just naming those things because they're all she could put her finger on.

Hard as it seems right now, I'd stop worrying about her reasons and how legitimate they are, whats done is done. Would the reason change the situation?
You might be best giving it a while, then contacting her (if she doesn't contact you first) to talk to her, and see whats really up.

Thanks everybody for your perspectives.

To be honest I don't really intend on contacting her, I know myself and as others have said, thats no way to threat somebody. I just feel like theres another bigger reason for this that she hasn't told me and I would just appreciate some honesty, but of course the reasons she gave could really be the truth so I dunno.

codeblack

Hi op, sorry to hear about the situation. I agree with silverfish and that there was more reason for you to break up with her, than for her to break up with you! After 3 years together that is no way to treat someone who is meant to be your partner. I have no doubt that there are probably other reasons at play, maybe sometime in the future she will be able to be more honest with you. But no matter what, it does not excuse her treatment of you. Sooner or later you will be able to look back and see the great escape you had.

Azureus

. She tells me how shes better looking than me and that theres always fellas chatting her up in work and on nights out, complains that I don't threat her well by taking her out for meals and buying her jewellery etc "like my friends boyfriends

she sounds like an absolute twat. you're well rid, even though im sure after three years thats a little more difficult to get your head around.
shees playing mind games making you think youre inferior, though to be honest you really sound like youve got your head together all things considering!
id definately say there is more to it than what shes letting on, and this is just her way of getting out of the relationship without bringing up more serious 'issues' or making herself look like a bitch if it is to do with another guy.
you're both young, it was probably never going to last forever as much as you both may have liked it to.
good luck!

ShawnRaven

You dodged a bullet. Now, time to start enjoying life and then you'll find someone who appreciates you more.

Liam Byrne

+1 from here. Someone who compares you or puts you down isn't worth knowing.

Any two people have their own thing going, and if it keeps them happy they keep it going.

Go find someone better.

Talliesin

Yeah, that all sounds like a good reason to break up with her.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Dublinstiofán

Get the hell out of there, three in a half years is long enough to realize you don't want to deal with that for the rest of your life......

Run, run as fast as you can you cant catch me i'm the gingerbread man. And i bet then after she has a few wiseguys out with her friends she'll come crawlin back. At which point you tell her... No, I'm more content now without you cause your a loonatic.

Blackpitts

i feel really sorry for you OP.
Consider your break up like the best present you have got for Xmas, you will really be better off without that b*tch, trust me!
This kind of girls are really the reason why some men behave like they have a cold stone in their hearts when they get into another relationship.

[Jackass]

She sounds like a bit of a fruit cake dude. No offence. Trust me, that sh*t in long term just really isn't worth it! Consider it a good thing you're apart, doesn't sound like the connection is there.

LegacyUser

you were together 3.5 yrs and all she got was a cd on her bday???well i would have given it back to you.. she was expecting a ring with a big diamond not a cd.

As Beyonce said "you should have put a ring on it"

LegacyUser

Op here,

Well just had the worst day of my life, I cracked last night looking at websites telling you how to know your GF/wife is cheating.

I needed answers and couldn't sleep so I rang her at 3:30 last night asked her to meet me, she did.

She admitted that a fella kissed her new years eve but she pulled away...... and that was the most of it apparently.

We went home and we talked on the phone until 6 am and she seemed to be really coming around and asked to meet me in the morning, we had practically agreed on getting back together.

So I went I tried to buy her some sunflowers this morning before we met since its her favourite flower, couldn't get them but got ones practically the same. About 20 minutes later I got a text saying how I'm forcing her to get back together and that she doesn't want to be with me.

So I completely break down at this news, I then ring her and asked her to just meet me for a few minutes I wanted to give her something.

I had cryed infront of a girl when I was 16 because as a young lad I bought into that **** that women want sensitive guys, I vowed never to do it again as whatever the women say they absolutely lose all respect for a man they see cry in my opinion.

Well I ****ed up there because I just couldn't help it when I saw her, she explained things, wouldn't even take the flowers. Basically she said she doesn't love me anymore, and that she had been thinking about the things I did to her in the past, I have done some ****ed up things in the first year/two together like talking to old exs and things, never cheated or anything that bad though, I apologised a million times and thought she forgave me. I've never claimed to be the perfect boyfriend.

I was prepared to break up with her on more than one occasion but never had the heart to go through with it because deep down I just loved her too much, but today she seemed to have no problem when I really was in bits and that being the only time in our relationship that she saw me in that state. I could never be that cruel to somebody but she had absolutely no problem today.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

you were together 3.5 yrs and all she got was a cd on her bday???well i would have given it back to you.. she was expecting a ring with a big diamond not a cd.

As Beyonce said "you should have put a ring on it"

I booked a table at a really nice restaurant, but she refused to go.....

Silverfish

You poor thing. That's rough.

It does sound like she just isn't into the relationship any more, and is blaming anything she can to give you an actual reason.

All you can do now is just take a step back. You've had break ups before, you know how ****ty and awful it can be, but ultimately people get through them.

It'll be lousy for a few months, but you come out the other side knowing more about what you want, and what you deserve.

You never know, she might even change her mind when she realises what she's missing. But I wouldn't hold out for that, or plan towards it.

From now on, just no contact, give yourself the space to deal with whats happened.

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

you were together 3.5 yrs and all she got was a cd on her bday???well i would have given it back to you.. she was expecting a ring with a big diamond not a cd.

As Beyonce said "you should have put a ring on it"

You don't know what she was expecting.

An engagement ring would have been like putting a plaster on a chainsaw wound.

LegacyUser

ok sorry my "you should have got her a ring "was a bit mean.

I think she sounds very childish. you should try the silent treatment and just let her be.
You sound like a nice guy so when she realises what she is missing she will be back.
If not then you are better off without her anyway....

Whatever you do dont txt or ring her untill you hear from her first...

Tom10

Hey man thats a tough break, i've been through it myself and really there is nothing that can be done - except getting plastered for a day or two and really that doesn't help either, though again i've done it.

Life goes like this, no reasons for it but you just push through, no other options. So head up, things get better and if one more apt cliche was needed, its always darkest before a new dawn.

Head up

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

You poor thing. That's rough.

It does sound like she just isn't into the relationship any more, and is blaming anything she can to give you an actual reason.

All you can do now is just take a step back. You've had break ups before, you know how ****ty and awful it can be, but ultimately people get through them.

It'll be lousy for a few months, but you come out the other side knowing more about what you want, and what you deserve.

You never know, she might even change her mind when she realises what she's missing. But I wouldn't hold out for that, or plan towards it.

From now on, just no contact, give yourself the space to deal with whats happened.

Thanks so much for the advice I really appreciate it.

I just can't handle the thought of cutting contact altogether, we spent practically every day together over that 3 and a half years, she absolutely feels like my family, like saying cut contact with your Mam or Dad or something, most people wouldn't be able to entertain that thought.

But yeah I know people come through this.

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks so much for the advice I really appreciate it.

I just can't handle the thought of cutting contact altogether, we spent practically every day together over that 3 and a half years, she absolutely feels like my family, like saying cut contact with your Mam or Dad or something, most people wouldn't be able to entertain that thought.

But yeah I know people come through this.

I know I know, its the hardest thing to do.

But think of it like a cut, if you keep scratching it, it will never heal. You have to leave it alone.
If you keep in contact with her, you'll always be waiting for the text or the phonecall, and you'll never feel better - or you will for 5 minutes after you do get a text, but then the whole thing will be fresh in your mind again.

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

I know I know, its the hardest thing to do.

But think of it like a cut, if you keep scratching it, it will never heal. You have to leave it alone.
If you keep in contact with her, you'll always be waiting for the text or the phonecall, and you'll never feel better - or you will for 5 minutes after you do get a text, but then the whole thing will be fresh in your mind again.

Yeah you're right

I guess thats that then....

Thanks again Silverfish and to everyone that replied here, even just being able to talk about it here has really helped me cope if even a small bit, since I don't really have anybody I could discuss this with.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

I think little thought or consideration went into the present you chose for her and that she had been picking up on your lack of commitment durings periods of the relationship; that this - let's call a spade a spade - rather miserable little present was the final straw/the final eye-opener for her. She has sensed your double-thinking at times in the relationship and feels she deserves better and intends to get better.

After three and a half years, I suggest: a watch, a good piece of jewellery, a trip to a romantic destination, the paying for a course she has wanted to do for years, an MP3 player, a day at the spa, a t-shirt she can wear which is heavily impregnanted with some romantic symbolism (a picture of a cottage on it that would be relevant to both your situations...).

A CD is the sort of gift you give your other friends for their birthdays, not your 3-year old girlfriend. There is nothing romantic about it.

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

Yeah you're right

I guess thats that then....

Thanks again Silverfish and to everyone that replied here, even just being able to talk about it here has really helped me cope if even a small bit, since I don't really have anybody I could discuss this with.

Thanks.

Well, the thread is here, so any time you want to clear your head or even rant, you've somewhere to go.

Unregistered wrote: »

After three and a half years, I suggest: a watch, a good piece of jewellery, a trip to a romantic destination, the paying for a course she has wanted to do for years, an MP3 player, a day at the spa, a t-shirt she can wear which is heavily impregnanted with some romantic symbolism (a picture of a cottage on it that would be relevant to both your situations...).

The OP is quite young, and not everyone has a lot of money.

Xiney

Unregistered wrote: »

A CD is the sort of gift you give your other friends for their birthdays, not your 3-year old girlfriend. There is nothing romantic about it.

I got my husband of three years a book for Christmas, and nothing more.

Romance is immaterial.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I think little thought or consideration went into the present you chose for her and that she had been picking up on your lack of commitment durings periods of the relationship; that this - let's call a spade a spade - rather miserable little present was the final straw/the final eye-opener for her. She has sensed your double-thinking at times in the relationship and feels she deserves better and intends to get better.

After three and a half years, I suggest: a watch, a good piece of jewellery, a trip to a romantic destination, the paying for a course she has wanted to do for years, an MP3 player, a day at the spa, a t-shirt she can wear which is heavily impregnanted with some romantic symbolism (a picture of a cottage on it that would be relevant to both your situations...).

A CD is the sort of gift you give your other friends for their birthdays, not your 3-year old girlfriend. There is nothing romantic about it.

I'm a student finishing up college that has had no job for the last year because I wanted to focus on getting the results I wanted, money isn't exactly falling out of my pockets, everybody keeps focusing on the CD but yeah like said earlier a booked a table at a really nice restaurant and she refused to go.

Tom10

Hey man, just wanted to say forget those people that are giving hassle over a present, when people start making decisions based on money or presents they've completely missed the point of a relationship. People talking about buying big expensive things just completely have lost perspective on whats important in a relationship.

So balls to em I say!!!

LegacyUser

The problem is not the cost of the present, it is the lack of consideration that went into its selection. It is the lack of romance behind it. It wouldn't cost much, for instance, to find a t-shirt she can wear which is heavily impregnanted with some romantic symbolism (a picture of a cottage on it that would be relevant to both your situations...).

Me to you

Shes sounds very immature, maybe somebody bought her a psychology for dummies book for christmas because she appears to be playing some major mind games with you.

I know its tough but ignore her, go out have fun, enjoy your new found freedom.

LegacyUser

She sounds like a right trollop and to be honest there's a good chance she's cheating on you, sorry but that's what it looks like and she is just trying to find an excuse.

I know you love her but you need to let her go and move on, you deserve way better then this cow.

beertons

Doesn't matter how much you spend, we're not all in relationships for the money. We're in it for love, and that's free. Forget about her man. Read that post again about the cut, very true. Chin up and move on. We've all been in similar situations. It gets better from now on.

St Bill

Unregistered wrote: »

A CD is the sort of gift you give your other friends for their birthdays, not your 3-year old girlfriend. There is nothing romantic about it.

What would a three year old be doing with an expensive present?

OP, you sound like a thoughtful, caring boyfriend. What you got your girlfriend for her birthday was very apt because you knew it was personal for her. Price of the gift is irrelevant.
You say that your girlfriend got angry because you were talking to your ex's and you'd apologised for this over and over. Now unless you were practically straddling them, well then you had nothing to apologise for. Is it possible that this girl has been calling the shots for some time now? It sounds to me that you are definitely better off without her. You organised dinner in a restaurant for her, she didn't want to go; you got her the CD she wanted, and she turned it into a major drama.
Tell her to get lost and start the new year with a view to meeting a girl who'll treat you with the respect you deserve.

LegacyUser

I think that she's just trying to come up with a reason to leave you. You haven't done anything wrong. What kind of person brings up the fact that she thinks she's better than you and that other guys are chatting her up etc?

Don't chase after her.
Walk away with ur head held high.

This girl is a complete lunatic. If someone broke up with me like that I would laugh in their face.

OP, be glad that you are rid of her. I certainly would be!

MIN2511

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry if this is long........

So I was with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years, her birthday was on the 19th so I took her out for a meal as a suprise on the 18th to a nice restaurant as she was working on her birthday.

So I suprise her and tell her where we're going and then she tells me shes not dressed up enough (which she was) so then we went to Eddie Rockets instead.....

Then on her birthday I pick her up from work and I had bought her a CD she asked me for, for Christmas, so then I thought it would be a nice suprise on her birthday.

So I give it to her and she flips, saying how she had told me her best friend was getting it for her for her birthday and that she told me that. It gets better.......

So not only did she not appreciate the gift, she accused me of purposefully buying it to piss her and her friend off. I was in a state of shock that what I thought was a nice gesture could be perceived like that.

She then went on to say its an example of how I don't listen to her in the relationship which is apparently a big enough reason to break up with me. Things she tells me when we're driving in the car I'm expected to remember days later when all I can think of is that we get where we're going safely. She tells me how shes better looking than me and that theres always fellas chatting her up in work and on nights out, complains that I don't threat her well by taking her out for meals and buying her jewellery etc "like my friends boyfriends"

She hasn't contacted me since, has went out drinking with her friends twice since than, I don't know about last night what she did, hasn't wished me happy new year, removed me as her other half on bebo and removed me from her friends list. She did text me happy Christmas but that was it.

I'm still kind of in shock about the whole thing I mean we were perfect 2-3 weeks ago and she had never acted like that before, was the perfect girlfriend etc. I'm not in bits about this but I am fairly down about it/just disappointed that the hopes we had/shared for the relationship are after falling apart so quickly. I mean 3 and half years is long enough together.

I'm thinking that this whole thing has just been a smoke screen to whats really going on whether its another fella or what I don't know. But something just doesn't feel right about it.

Anyway if you've read it all thanks and was just looking to get some outside perspective on this.

I haven't read throught the replies but this is enough for you to move on....
She cannot compare your relationship with her friend's.... Sometimes i blame sex & the city for this rubbish.

Hey OP, it would be hard but please move on. It's 2009 a few things you can do to keep you occupied:

1. Travelling
2. Start a course
3. Take up a sport
4. Gym