Want to be single again?

LegacyUser

I am 24, my girlfriend is 31, we have been together for almost 3 years and we moved in together about a year after we met. Everything was great at first but as time has gone on I've found myself less and less into the relationship and her presence in my life has becoming increasingly frustrating.

I'm getting tired of every decision in my life involving someone else, even simple things like what to eat and having to constantly inform someone else of where I am and what I'm doing. I feel like this has all happened too fast, that I need to spend more time single, living by myself, for myself, figuring out who I am. I'm also worried that the age gap is too big, that she has had years of her 20s to live free and single while I've never had that.

I'm just not sure if I love her anymore, and can't help but feel I would prefer to be her housemate/friend only but the idea of just leaving her when she has made it clear that she is still completely in love with me, and probably has no idea this is how I feel, is so hard to consider. I can't imagine hurtng someone like that but I'm not sure if I'm unhappy or just being selfish and I know it would be wrong to keep leading her on. What's really brought this on now is that she went home to her family for a week over the Christmas and I enjoyed the few days alone much more than I expected and I'm really not sure I even missed her.

Has anyone got any advice or gone through this themselves? It's hard to look at this objectively, I keep second-guessing my own feelings, so any input would be a big help.

MagicMarker

You're both at different stages in life, you're a twentysomething who should probably experiencing life right now. She's a thirtysomething probably looking to settle down and focus on career and a family.

How you're feeling isn't selfish, it's just a fact of life. However if you don't do something about it then that is selfish, because you know yourself what you have to do. Let her find someone who's on the same wavelength, you need to live your life.

LegacyUser

Im in the EXACT situation as poster...i need this advice too! Thought i was the only one!

LegacyUser

Hi Op,
That's a pretty horrible situation to be in. I guess take your time and think about what you really really want. Think about how you feel about this woman. Three years is some time, and I'm sure you had some great times - would you miss them if they were gone?

Maybe go slower with the relationship - get out and about & don't confine yourself to house all the time. That can be unhealthy. Join clubs/go the the gym/take up new hobbies. Maybe this will enrich your life, along with what you have??

To be honest with you, I'm in a similar boat myself. The difference is, I still love my partner, but I need more right now. This is why I thought your situation is very similar to how I'm feeling. I'm taking my own advice and getting out there and try to figure out who I am. I completely feel the same way. If this doesn't work, and I feel I need to do it on my own, I'll have to break all ties.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies.

You're all confirming what I pretty much knew. I'm going to talk about this with some of my friends and try to get the perspective of some people who know me before doing anything rash.

LegacyUser

Get out, get out now!! Your too young and life is far too short to be in a relationship your not happy in! Run as fast as you can

SamuelFox

Man, I think you should try to work something out with your girlfriend. “Running” now would hurt her beyond belief, and destroy something that you’re not sure you want to end. What I would do would be to get some space to myself in the week- take up a hobby, make some new mates, whatever gives you a different outlet. Things are easily destroyed but difficult to repair and if you upped and left she would find it hard to forgive and maybe impossible to forget.

There is no formula for how you should spend any stage of your life- if you want to spend your 40s in nightclubs then there is little to stop you. Similarly, if you have a relationship, don’t drop it just because your 20s are supposed to be the fun times before you start the decline into your pensionable years!

However, if after reflection you really feel its time to end it then do so. Don’t be unhappy, but make sure that you realise that every decision has consequences.

m83

Unregistered wrote: »

Get out, get out now!! Your too young and life is far too short to be in a relationship your not happy in! Run as fast as you can

A bit drastic, no?

I'd say go your own way but read this thread first, it's very interesting:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055431978