Moving on to quickly or not?

unhappycamper

I am out of a 3 year relationship the last 4 months and I have been given a phone number to ring this girl and ask her out. I have met this girl at a few parties and I do find her very attractive both her looks and personality. My issue is that I am still sitting around pinning like a dog missing my x hoping in some small way if I wait a bit longer she will come running back. My x is with a new guy and maybe she is happy or on the rebound who knows but the point is I do want to move on with my life and at the same time I have a fear of things moving to fast with this new girl. Should I just give her a call and see how it goes (as advised by a friend of hers) or should I wait another few months until I have bored myself to death wondering if I will get back with my x? Either way I am ready for a friendship/very slow moving new relationship but thats about as fast as I can see myself moving at. Thanks guys and gals.

fcleere

go for it my friend!
it will help you stop pinnig,and also should your ex want to get back with you then you can do that!not as if you are marrying this new girl.

[Jackass]

Your Ex is with somebody else dude...I don't think she's coming back...

Are you still in touch with the ex? or on good terms?

If it really bothers you and if you really don't know what to do ask your ex to meet up for a little bit or if you can call over or something and talk to her about it. Ask her where she is and if she sees any future with the 2 of you down the line - then maybe that will make your decision easier.

If you're not really in contact or if she says no but then you have no choice but to move on. It's tough, but has got to be done. Contact this other girl, hang out, see how you get on, maybe make it known after a date or two that you're not long out of a serious relationship and want to take things slow as you like new girl and don't want it to be a rebound thing and you don't want to rush things.

I'm sure she'll understand and you can then take things at your own pace.

Best of luck. The one thing I would say is though that waiting around will not make your ex girlfriend come back any more than you out living your life and moving on. You can spend a lot of time waiting and missing out. If it's going to happen, it'll happen. If it doesn't wouldn't it be terrible to spend all that time waiting?

unhappycamper

fcleere wrote: »

go for it my friend!
it will help you stop pinnig,and also should your ex want to get back with you then you can do that!not as if you are marrying this new girl.

I suppose, I am most likely acting way to careful. You know when a relationship ends you question yourself and your ego takes a smash dive. Thanks for the advice. I am back on the dating scene, I have to call this girl and I am nervous about it. I can hear people screaming 'grow a pair already'!

unhappycamper

[Jackass] wrote: »

Your Ex is with somebody else dude...I don't think she's coming back...

Are you still in touch with the ex? or on good terms?

If it really bothers you and if you really don't know what to do ask your ex to meet up for a little bit or if you can call over or something and talk to her about it. Ask her where she is and if she sees any future with the 2 of you down the line - then maybe that will make your decision easier.

If you're not really in contact or if she says no but then you have no choice but to move on. It's tough, but has got to be done. Contact this other girl, hang out, see how you get on, maybe make it known after a date or two that you're not long out of a serious relationship and want to take things slow as you like new girl and don't want it to be a rebound thing and you don't want to rush things.

I'm sure she'll understand and you can then take things at your own pace.

Best of luck. The one thing I would say is though that waiting around will not make your ex girlfriend come back any more than you out living your life and moving on. You can spend a lot of time waiting and missing out. If it's going to happen, it'll happen. If it doesn't wouldn't it be terrible to spend all that time waiting?

Very true, I am sick of feeling down and sorry for myself. I am also sick of wondering and pondering and not having the ability to sleep well and maybe I just need to move on with everything and see where it all goes

fcleere

i know how you feel,i am not long out of a relationship myself!your aul self confidence takes a hiding alright.
but your onto a good thing,a friend of hers is tellin you to ring her,so the chances of rejection are slim!:)
just remember,dont call her by your ex's name,nearly made that mistake on sunday night!!!

chillywilly

i was in the same situation buddy. My ex broke up with me, then 2 weeks later i met a girl. Of course my ex got jelous and angery that I was meeting someone so soon.....eh, she broke up with me! Did she expect me to wait until she had found someone?!

So I say go for it and enjoy it because there is nothing like the start of a relationship!!

unhappycamper

fcleere wrote: »

i know how you feel,i am not long out of a relationship myself!your aul self confidence takes a hiding alright.
but your onto a good thing,a friend of hers is tellin you to ring her,so the chances of rejection are slim!:)
just remember,dont call her by your ex's name,nearly made that mistake on sunday night!!!

Lol
That my friend is an easy mistake to make if you are just out of a relationship alright. God I hope I don't make it, I will look like an ass. I have read that it takes half the length of your last relationship before you are ready for a new relationship. Either way it's just not healthy sitting around waiting for things to change, I need a break, I also need my spirits to lift. Should I text or call? A text might look weak?

fcleere

ring her,your not 12!!
dont believe everything you read,it only takes as long as you let it.
chances are you gonna have to wait a few days to call,with new years nd all, if your gonna ask her out for a drink. might be sick o the sight of it.i'd ring on mon or tues for friday night!
then you will be a happy camper!

unhappycamper

fcleere wrote: »

ring her,your not 12!!
dont believe everything you read,it only takes as long as you let it.
chances are you gonna have to wait a few days to call,with new years nd all, if your gonna ask her out for a drink. might be sick o the sight of it.i'd ring on mon or tues for friday night!
then you will be a happy camper!

Who me? a happy camper? never!

I have to let go thats my issue here I just have to it's just not healthy

fcleere

the first girl you're with will help you back time.
it provides the ladder,all you have to do is climb,then your over her!

unhappycamper

fcleere wrote: »

the first girl you're with will help you back time.
it provides the ladder,all you have to do is climb,then your over her!

Well lets put it this way I kissed a girl at the picnic so I am have at-least made it to the first step of the ladder right? But the next step seems bigger, a woman who is interested is a big difference to a snog at a festival?

fcleere

yes it is. but you are forgetting that you are in control of this too. if you think things are movin too fast (:eek:) or shes gettin a bit clingy,then you can take a step back.get what you want,see how it goes.you mightn't even like her!and vice versa:P

pfishfood

Its been said enough ask the girl out. It might help you get your x out of your system somebit. And if you do ask her out dont talk about your x all night. I know it sounds silly but youd be amazed how much that happens.

Silverfish

Just to give my 2c.....


Its a very bad idea in my opinion to try and start a new relationship while you're still pining for an ex.

Impossible as it sounds, you need to snap out of it before calling the new girl.
Nothing worse than listening to 'Yeah, my ex used to do that..... heh, me and my ex went there..... my ex loved that show...' so be very, very careful that you're in the clear on the last relationship.

King of Kings

it's really never too early to go out with somebody new.
only you will know this ,and in my case, i didn't know this until I actually dated a girl several times before I said "ah too much too soon"

It's a trial and error thing and there is no point sitting at home watching pat the plank on fridays

Trinity

I think if you go out with the girl it doesnt mean you have to jump straight into a relationship.

Take things slowly, have a bit of fun and see how you feel. If nothing else you could end up being good friends.

Be honest with the new girl that you are not looking for anything too serious and wish to take things slowly.

Build yourself back up slowly, your confidence will return eventually.

Wibbs

Silverfish wrote: »

Its a very bad idea in my opinion to try and start a new relationship while you're still pining for an ex.

I agree. It's the very definition of rebound. There will be three people in the relationship. You her and the ex. What happens if say the ex finds out about this and the thinks "oh no, I've really lost him" and wants another go? That happens surprisingly often.

I'd still go on the date and see how it goes, but take it slow. It can happen that this person will be so much more than your ex and you go on to have a great relationship.

homerun_homer

Wibbs wrote: »

I agree. It's the very definition of rebound. There will be three people in the relationship. You her and the ex. What happens if say the ex finds out about this and the thinks "oh no, I've really lost him" and wants another go? That happens surprisingly often.

But this is what OP wants - the Ex to want him back. I don't think this idea should be put into his head in case he decides to use the new girl to make the old one jealous.
I've seen his previous posts about his ex and I've given advice before. When broken hearted we all hope the ex will realise that she really should be with you because you are the best and she'll never have it as good. The sad reality most of the time is that even if that is true, she has made her choice regardless of whether she has a new guy on the scene, or whether you have a new girl on the scene. She wants to move on. If she doesn't, you will eventually hear back from her, which is all well and good but don't wait.

OP - test the waters with the new girl. I know the ex will stick in your head but just see how this goes and maybe the new person will help you forget about her. Best case scenario is that it works and you are on to a good thing, the worst is that you end up alone, thinking about your ex which if you don't call this girl you will end up doing anyway.

Wibbs

homerun_homer wrote: »

But this is what OP wants - the Ex to want him back. I don't think this idea should be put into his head in case he decides to use the new girl to make the old one jealous.

I suspect he's well ahead of both of us on that score though. I've known a few to try and work that. I've found the problem with that "plan" is that if it works(and quite often it does), the very moment she does have second thoughts and wants back is past the very moment when you're over her and don't want her back anyway. Pretty much every long term girlfriend who dumped me in the past did this. It's eerie, psychic x files(or is that ex files:D) stuff, that they can sniff that in the air. Dunno how that works. I suspect it works as you suddenly look like a good bet again as you walk away.The thing is you can't fake that, so hence its a complete dead loss as a plan results wise. Avoid at all costs.

I've seen his previous posts about his ex and I've given advice before. When broken hearted we all hope the ex will realise that she really should be with you because you are the best and she'll never have it as good. The sad reality most of the time is that even if that is true, she has made her choice regardless of whether she has a new guy on the scene, or whether you have a new girl on the scene. She wants to move on. If she doesn't, you will eventually hear back from her, which is all well and good but don't wait.

Good advice.

OP - test the waters with the new girl. I know the ex will stick in your head but just see how this goes and maybe the new person will help you forget about her. Best case scenario is that it works and you are on to a good thing, the worst is that you end up alone, thinking about your ex which if you don't call this girl you will end up doing anyway.

Even better advice.

unhappycamper

I would just like to say thanks to everyone who has posted so far. I think there are two main rules I need to stick to if I decide to try and move forward and ask her out.

1. To in no way talk or mention my x with any significance on the date
2. To take things very slow and cautious and be honest if I am asked about where I am at.


I think if I follow these rules I won't hurt anyone or come to any harm. It is liberating in a way, moving on that is. I have spent way too much time hoping for things to change and look where it's got me.

Wibbs

I think that's a good plan. I would avoid too much honesty if it was me. Do not get into any details about your ex at all.

unhappycamper

Wibbs wrote: »

I think that's a good plan. I would avoid too much honesty if it was me. Do not get into any details about your ex at all.

Yeah, I think this would be a complete rebound scenario had I not been attracted to this new girl, but I am. See the thing is we have partied together and I know she gets on well with some of my friends it's just I am a bit nervous about getting to know someone new, funny how if it was a bloke I wouldn't give a damn. Need to go slow and see what I want. I am not ready for much at them moment I must admit, cinema, pints, maybe even dinner all sounds good but there are alarm bells telling me to take my time going into this.