Dating brothers friend?

LegacyUser

Hi I just want to know fellas opinions on this - would you date your friends sister if you really liked her or would the whole friends sister thing put you off?

it's just i have liked my brothers friend for a while now and i'm wondering what guys attitude is to this situation - if you liked her back would you go for it?

RedXIV

I couldn't. I'm sorry, it'd be a bit weird for me. I got brought home by the older sister of a friend in college and i remember it being very weird for ages. But in saying that, i've seen it happen. But in every case it will strain the relationship somewhat.......looking back thats not the most helpful post in the world but maybe it'll be SOME use to ya

good luck!

cantdecide

It's 100% subjective. I've had friends who have tried to set me up with their sisters knowing I am a gentleman with the wimmin and there were more friends who would have been reminded of their shortcomings if they were caught sniffing around:D It absolutely depends on the characters of those involved so I can't imagine you finding a concensus here.

Leprachaun

School/college/work buddies etc... : sure why not.

Childhood friends : not so much.

allybhoy

Leprachaun wrote: »

School/college/work buddies etc... : sure why not.

Childhood friends : not so much.

Yeh would probably agree with the childhood friends statement. Two of my closest friends have recently had a similar experience as the one you outlined (one of them has started going out with the other one's little sister) and it has caused nothing but trouble, not only between them but between all of our friends. Anytime the two of them are out there is tension in the air and they really dont get on at all anymore, which is a shame because they were really close friends when they were younger. Im sure it works for some people but if the two friends are male and the girl is a younger sister then in my experience it will only end in disaster.

randylonghorn

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi I just want to know fellas opinions on this - would you date your friends sister if you really liked her or would the whole friends sister thing put you off?

I have ... quite a long-term thing too. And tbh if you had asked me that question before the event I would probably have said "no, I wouldn't!"

When we finally split up (mutual decision, no angst whatsoever between us) her brother who was my friend originally was fine with it ... her younger brother however didn't speak to me for months!!

King of Kings

yeah go for it.
i was dating my sis's mate , I hooked up with her at my sisters wedding , for a few months and it was dandy.

The Shock Maste

i was dating my best friends sister and it was great well was great for a while.

we date for 5 weeks not long i know but i did learn some valuable advice. we kept it secret from every one and that made it all the more fantastic, that sneaky kiss in a night club to going home with my mate in a taxi dropping him home first then heading back to hers, it was a wonderful time. however the night he found out he was not a happy camper even though he slagged us both for years about seeing each other behind every ones back (nothing had happened until the very beginning of our 5 weeks of fun).

him finding out was bad we were forgiven the next day he was just pissed drunk that night and we kinda had a bit of a punch up about it, silly i know but we were ok the next day. however the spark in the relationship was gone a quickly as it started. him knowing and consequently everyone else knowing ruined it for us so after 5 weeks we ended it.

it ended on a good note though dinner, a break up, a few drinks, kiss good bye and then back to business the next friday night her chatting up guys and me doing my thing. in a way i am lucky to have experienced it but i wouldn't do it again.

i could easily have ruined a fantastic friendship for a 5 weeks of doomed fun. it was fun though

m83

My friend dated another friends sister. It got really really messy when they broke up.


I wouldn't do it myself tbh.

Mena

I married my best friends sister. 15 years on, and we're going strong :cool:

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi I just want to know fellas opinions on this - would you date your friends sister if you really liked her or would the whole friends sister thing put you off?

it's just i have liked my brothers friend for a while now and i'm wondering what guys attitude is to this situation - if you liked her back would you go for it?

I'll give you an example. I have first hand experience of both sides of this (kind of)

My sister went out with my mate for over a year. Never bothered me in the slightest, they were both their own people and could do what they wanted. I never understood why it was such a taboo with some people. I did see the nasty side of things though, which involved him ringing me up when he was halfway round the world and asking me was he being cheated on. Short answer yes, and i was the bad guy for telling him.

I went out with her mate for a while too. Cue the double standards, suddenly the little bitch pipes up that i was a bastard and "how could i do that?!". We broke up in the end anyway over different reasons. It depends on the person, but to be honest it was never a problem for me.

jim o doom

Leprachaun wrote: »

School/college/work buddies etc... : sure why not.

Childhood friends : not so much.

lol work buddies I'd say the reason not is he old "no pooping on the doorstep" rule, which carries through for people you live with but are not seeing. Reason = if things don't work out it can make for a VERY uncomfortable work/home situation.

With mates siblings; well they are their own people, things COULD be strained between you and your friend, but if they are intelligent & adult, and respect you as a person they should be ok with it.. but it depends on the mate of course. I went out with a friends sister many years go, but luckily at the time I wasn't his mate (before we were friends) but the fact that I went out with her many years ago NEVER comes up in conversation - it'd just be weird and awkward.

Lexie_Karas

I think its obviously something people feel differantly about and it may be something you want to run by your sibling first, even if they don't like the idea but really think you need to give the r/ship a go at least you're giving them the oppertunity to be ok with it and understand that you're not setting out to mess thier mate around.

I fell for my best mates brother a few years ago and at first I really didn't think she'd like the idea, my mate is and was like a sister to me and I was always very close to her family and I was worried that she wouldn't want that messed up. It turned out that she thought we'd be great together and knew that he liked me but didn't know I liked him. Eventually I had to tell her, she knew I was pining about something and was getting worried that I wouldn't tell her so I confessed to liking her bro. She was delighted!! And completely gave me her blessing (lucky me!).

We've been together over 3 years now and bought our first home last year together. The fact that his sis is my best mate is fab as it means I'm super close to his family so I have no worries about all that in-law crap. There were times at the beginning when I felt a little awkward about things... first time I slept over at his while he still lived at his mums and things like that, but never anything too cringey!

I know I'm lucky and this situation doesn't work with everyone. Its also good to note that if the person is a very close friend of your sibling and you don't think theres a chance of it being something serious etc, if your sibling doesn't approve it may damage thier friendship. Which I know is really thier issue but if you like the person (and your sibling!) maybe that's a problem you don't want to create if its all just for a bit of fun.

LegacyUser

Lexie_Karas wrote: »

I think its obviously something people feel differantly about and it may be something you want to run by your sibling first, even if they don't like the idea but really think you need to give the r/ship a go at least you're giving them the oppertunity to be ok with it and understand that you're not setting out to mess thier mate around.

I fell for my best mates brother a few years ago and at first I really didn't think she'd like the idea, my mate is and was like a sister to me and I was always very close to her family and I was worried that she wouldn't want that messed up. It turned out that she thought we'd be great together and knew that he liked me but didn't know I liked him. Eventually I had to tell her, she knew I was pining about something and was getting worried that I wouldn't tell her so I confessed to liking her bro. She was delighted!! And completely gave me her blessing (lucky me!).

We've been together over 3 years now and bought our first home last year together. The fact that his sis is my best mate is fab as it means I'm super close to his family so I have no worries about all that in-law crap. There were times at the beginning when I felt a little awkward about things... first time I slept over at his while he still lived at his mums and things like that, but never anything too cringey!

I know I'm lucky and this situation doesn't work with everyone. Its also good to note that if the person is a very close friend of your sibling and you don't think theres a chance of it being something serious etc, if your sibling doesn't approve it may damage thier friendship. Which I know is really thier issue but if you like the person (and your sibling!) maybe that's a problem you don't want to create if its all just for a bit of fun.

Hi OP here. Thanks for your thoughts. It definitely wouldnt be just for a bit of fun though - i'm quite serious about him like - in that i would like to have a proper relationship with him if you knw what i mean but if i'm honest i've known him years (and have liked him for quite a while) but i haven't seen him properly for the past 6 years i suppose so i don't know if it's really just an infatuation i have with him or what - oh i don't know! All i do know is it's wrecking my head!

Lexie_Karas

I'm assuming that if you haven't seen him for the last 6 years then he mightn't still be as close a friend to your brother as he once was? Or does your bro still see him regularly but you just aren't in the same social circles?

If they don't still see each other much then you don't have much to loose... ask your bro if he has a number for him and does he mind if you get in touch. Unless he thinks his mate would treat you badly (or vice versa) he probably wouldn't have a problem with this.

If on the other hand they're still good mates then you could always try to work your way into your bro's social group. Maybe even tell him that you used to have a thing for his mate and wanted to see if he's still everything you thought he was... that'll very much depend on how you think your bro will react.

You may be surprised by how much he's changed over 6 years, you may even realise you don't like who he is now as much as the idea of who he was. If you really think you could have something good with him then you'd be mad to not even look into it. It'd be an awful shame to find out in 20 years that he liked you back and your bro would have been totally ok with it all! Now that'd be something to regret!

Best of luck with what ever you do and be sure to let us know!

LegacyUser

Lexie_Karas wrote: »

I'm assuming that if you haven't seen him for the last 6 years then he mightn't still be as close a friend to your brother as he once was? Or does your bro still see him regularly but you just aren't in the same social circles?

If they don't still see each other much then you don't have much to loose... ask your bro if he has a number for him and does he mind if you get in touch. Unless he thinks his mate would treat you badly (or vice versa) he probably wouldn't have a problem with this.

If on the other hand they're still good mates then you could always try to work your way into your bro's social group. Maybe even tell him that you used to have a thing for his mate and wanted to see if he's still everything you thought he was... that'll very much depend on how you think your bro will react.

You may be surprised by how much he's changed over 6 years, you may even realise you don't like who he is now as much as the idea of who he was. If you really think you could have something good with him then you'd be mad to not even look into it. It'd be an awful shame to find out in 20 years that he liked you back and your bro would have been totally ok with it all! Now that'd be something to regret!

Best of luck with what ever you do and be sure to let us know!

Hi OP again! Yes my brother is still friends with him but it's just that a while back when they were younger he used to call over to our house and that but you know as people get older that kind of fizzles out - they just go out to the pub or whatever now so it's harder to bump into him if you know what i mean. Last time i saw him was at a wedding in September and thats when it kind of started bothering me again cos up until then i had kind of tried to forget him (convincing myself that nothing will ever happen) but then i saw him and talked to him at the wedding and.....sigh....ha! God i sound like such an idiot! But ya i hear what your saying about not doing something about it and then finding out years down the line that he act liked me all along but did nothing about it. Also i just have no idea as to how my brother would react (although my brother informed me at the wedding that his other friend fancied me and he didnt seem to have a problem with it so....) but he must be completely blind cos i spend half the night talking to the guy i act like!

Lorrs33

My brother went out with my sister's friend years ago, and even though the relationship lasted a good while, it destroyed my sister's friendship with the girl. Not a smart move, tbh.

Dudess

I don't get the "you can't date my sister" thing. Why not? Why do some guys feel a sense of "ownership" over their sisters? Is it because that's what happens in the movies?

How come I'd never have given a **** if one of my brother started going out with a friend of mine? In fact I think it would have been quite cool.

OP, if you like the guy you should go for it. Why should you miss out on it just because of some bullsh1t "rule" which I doubt is even enforced sincerely, it's just complied with because "that's the way it is".

4Xcut

Dudess wrote: »

I don't get the "you can't date my sister" thing. Why not? Why do some guys feel a sense of "ownership" over their sisters? Is it because that's what happens in the movies?

How come I'd never have given a **** if one of my brother started going out with a friend of mine? In fact I think it would have been quite cool.

OP, if you like the guy you should go for it. Why should you miss out on it just because of some bullsh1t "rule" which I doubt is even enforced sincerely, it's just complied with because "that's the way it is".

I don't think that it's an ownership thing in all cases, though in some it may very well be. I think it's more about what happens when it goes wrong. And let's be honest, it's not an unreasonable thing to presume that the relationship might fail. It may be perfectly amicable, two people just realising that they are better as friends, or whatever. But it could also be very messy.

Sanjuro

I did the incredibly honorable thing of dating one mate's sister and another mate's ex. And yes, they were the same girl. While I had a brilliant time with her and we were very much in love, had I the opportunity to do it again, knowing what I know now, I highly doubt I'd go through it again. The relationship ended (and we still get on great), but the trouble it caused put a lot of people through a lot of pain. Luckily, the two fellas in question are still two of my best mates, but it took a lot of work and a hell of a lot of bridge building to gain back their trust.

Tread carefully, OP. My mate, the brother of the girl in question had a lot of anger towards me and his sister over the whole incident. And while he said at the time he wasn't that bothered by it, it later became clear that it was a huge issue with him. If you do proceed, you better be sure the relationship is going to be worth the heartache it will inevitably cause. Be sure you're clear of everyone's feelings towards it.

Eric Cartman

my sister went out with one of my close mates from secondary school for a while, it was awful he told her some stuff i did and always confronted me about my 'being a b@stard behaviour' , just seeing them together was sickening. there broken up a lon time and i dont even talk to him anymore, he just considers us friends like before, but its not, cant stand him

kittensoft1984

Ive never understood the problem with this????

LegacyUser

Hi all - an update on this thread which i posted over a year ago now. Well basically i got some upsetting news - my brothers friend has a girlfriend. I know it's entirely my own fault as i did absolutely nothing really to try and see him - but then my brother prob wouldn't want me going out with him and his friends anyway. I am so upset you have no idea....and i have a wedding in June that he is going to be at and was in town today starting to looks at dresses so i could look my best - met his mother and she told me.....of all people like.....so now will have to go to that wedding and watch them all day.

So a bit of advice to anyone who is crazy about someone but hasn't told them - do it! If it's not your brothers best friend that is.....