Moving away alone -how do you do it?

homerun_homer

I thought I'd post this in the travel section but it may be considered half personal issue.

Recently I have it in my mind that I'd love to move away to another country, with one particular destination in mind in europe. I have always wanted to live in another country but had wanted to do that with a friend(s) but situations change, people get tied down with girlfriends etc.

So now I'm in a situation where I want to get out of my job and move. Dublin is where I'm trying to go which isn't exactly as cool as going foreign but I've loads of friends there. But since it's tough these days to get a decent job (I've no college background but plenty of experience in a big american company) that the idea has crept back in my head to move away.

I'm not someone who has ever craved a backpacker lifestyle thought I love travelling, and I can't see myself going alone. I'd like to get in the mindset that I would have the confidence to do it so I want to know how others have done it. Many are carefree that way but I know I would miss my friends though I know I would gain new ones, though it may take a little time.

At least the destination I would like to go to I have met people there on holiday this year which is a starting point but I just have this idea of me arriving abroad and just wandering about alone and going for drinks alone at night until some sort of social circle begins to form.

Has anyone else had this sort of mental block preventing them from taking the giant leap and how did you get around it?

Neamhshuntasach

Just up and go. The only stuff you have to really worry about is the easy stuff such as money, finding a place to stay, a job, etc. The whole friends and getting to meet people will naturally come. I moved away to San Diego to go to college by myself and i still have friends that i talk to. I also moved to Guatemala for a while by myself. Once you join a club or start going taking courses or whatever. Or get involved in a hobby that you have you will quickly meet people. I know college was a bit of an easier step as i had classmates. But most of my friends were from other classes. The best thing to do is just go book a flight. Once that's booked and the date approaches you'll really know whether you wanna go through with it. And even if you do and don't like it. You can always go back home.

BuffyBot

Not so much a Travel thing if you want to move properly to one place. I'll move this to Living Abroad

seachto7

i moved to Italy on my own once, and it was hard at first wandering about the place, but I soon met people in the same boat. What I should have done was join a club or tried to get in a band (I play music...)

Cazlou

homerun_homer wrote: »

So now I'm in a situation where I want to get out of my job and move...
I'm not someone who has ever craved a backpacker lifestyle thought I love travelling, and I can't see myself going alone. I'd like to get in the mindset that I would have the confidence to do it so I want to know how others have done it. Many are carefree that way but I know I would miss my friends though I know I would gain new ones, though it may take a little time.

At least the destination I would like to go to I have met people there on holiday this year which is a starting point but I just have this idea of me arriving abroad and just wandering about alone and going for drinks alone at night until some sort of social circle begins to form.

Has anyone else had this sort of mental block preventing them from taking the giant leap and how did you get around it?

Hey OP, I've chopped your post a bit but left in the bits relevant to what I want to comment on..
I can see where you're coming from - I have always been a massive homebird, and whenever anyone asked me if I'd ever head off to Oz or something I'd say "Hell No!" as I'd hate being away from my little brother. But here I am, in the process of applying for a visa to live in Canada, and I couldn't be more excited!:D
You ask about overcoming mental-blocks, I think the turning point for me was earlier this year when I went to Rome, I made all the arrangements flights/accommodation etc and flew over by myself meeting my sister over there. I realised that there's so much of the world I want to see. Then in October when the budget happened and my business was affected, something clicked in me and I said "Feck it I'm leaving the country!" It's the most bonkers thing in the world for me to be doing as I'm a horribly shy person most of the time, but it was like divine inspiration. My Dad is ridiculously supportive but my mam's in denial, she's convinced I won't go - but I will! Like you, I'm worried about being left wandering around on my own for weeks. But hey, I'll have to bite the bullet and get talking to people - and so will you!:pac:
Don't wonder about it - DO IT!!!!!;)

Ajos

Hi, OP. I did exactly this five years ago - moved to New York without knowing a single person. It was very scary - I had the same fears as you. I knew that whatever about the job, a place to stay etc. I wouldn't stick it out unless I could build a decent social circle. I didn't have a job lined up, either, so I couldn't depend on that. Some people find this kind of thing easy, but I don't.

I did a few of things. Firstly, I got an apartment with roommates. I had been living alone in Dublin so this felt like a bit of a step backwards, but it was absolutely vital. You may or may not end up becoming friends with them, but at least you won't be tempted to just coccoon yourself in your empty apartment. And they'll have friends, maybe parties...

The second thing was to make a rule for myself: accept every invitation. No matter how half heartedly delivered, no matter if I disliked the person doing the inviting, no matter if I knew deep in my heart I would just end up in the kitchen not talking to anybody. Sometimes that did happen, but I also had some great nights and met some great people that I wouldn't have if I'd followed my natural inclination and said "no".

The third thing was that if I found myself slumped in front of the TV set brooding I would force myself to go out. Go to a bar, sit and have an afternoon pint, talk to the bartender. Just talk to people - get out of your own head. This is pretty easy in NY - the pub culture here is much friendlier than in Dublin. I don't know what it's like wherever you're planning to go, but there'll be cafes or something. Find a place you like and become a regular. I don't mean get drunk every night, but a couple of drinks on a quiet afternoon a couple of times a week will get you known by the staff, who can be friendly, and maybe there are other regulars you can talk to.

Essentially, I made it a priority not to fall into the trap of becoming a loner. I was very focused on this. And it worked! Five years on I have a thriving circle of friends, and a job I love that I got through one of them. Reading back over this, it seems kind of sad that I had to put so much effort into it, but what can I say? I was a much shyer person then.

In terms of getting around the block, I agree with Neamhshuntasach - book the flight. Big things are made up of a lot of small things. Just focus on the small things and before you know it you'll be waving goodbye and trying not to cr*p your pants in terror.