I Love You - The deal-breaker?

LegacyUser

So, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half.

I love him and I know he cares about me, he has been really good to me, taking care of me when I am sick, and generally being lovely. We haven't said the whole I Love You thing.

So, if I were to say it to him, and he doesn't say it back? Would it spoil the relationship?
I know all the standard stuff, "Best to be honest and all that" and "It's only words"

But in the experiance of y'all, does an "I Love You" with no "I Love You" back wreak things?

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year and I feel just like you do. People say that it's all about actions and not words, but it would sure be nice to hear it be said.

On a different note- once it was said to me and I didn't feel as strongly as the particular guy (we had only been dating about a month). It scared me completely off, as it didn't feel balanced.

I think after a year/ year and a half, one surely would know if they loved the person by then. I'd chance saying it after a year and a half and if after that much time, if three little words could ruin a relationship, I'd be thinking perhaps it wasn't meant to be.

I really want to tell my boyfriend I love him... but would MUCH rather him to tell me first lol!
It's great you're able to tell him, so I wouldn't worry about if he says it back right away- if you say it with no expectations at all of him saying it back, right away then so much wouldn't depend on his reply.

Azureus

scared the **** outa me when my current bf said it. but thats cuz it was quite soon (2/ 3 months) into the relationship and i wasnt quite ready.
but after a year ya should both be comfortable with eachother to tell eachother how you feel.
and as i said, i wasnt ready if hes not thats fine he might not say it back but does that matter to you? if it does id hold off. but i didnt say it back for ages and we are still together and happy.
just be honest (cliche)

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I really want to tell my boyfriend I love him... but would MUCH rather him to tell me first lol!

(I am the OP :P )

That's EXACTLY how I feel.
I guess, I hate not being in control of things, so saying I Love You without it being returned would be scary, like, my brain and emotions were trying to escape.

IvaBigWun

Very strange to not say it after 18 months tbh.

6 months is usually my benchmark to see if I feel that way but there is no given rules on it I suppose.

Still 18 months without the L word tells me its a casual reletionship?

metrovelvet

Phrase it like this: "Do you think we're in love?"

Chucky the tree

metrovelvet wrote: »

Phrase it like this: "Do you think we're in love?"

Why? I'd hate too be asked that from a girlfriend. It just puts you in an awful situation where you trying to second guess what she might want too hear rather then answering it honestly.

Just say it too him and go from there. Dont beat around the bush with it. If he doesnt love you/you dont love him after a year and a half I doubt it will ever workout.

LegacyUser

I know a couple who have happily rocked on for five years with him not saying the magic words, but theres no doubt that they love each other.

On the other hand, I had a bf who didn't... and when I did he broke up a few weeks later. :-( But we were only togther four months. And at least I got to move on.

If it was me I'd probably try to bring up the conversation, just so you don't have elephant in the living room. Does it really matter who says it first?

homerun_homer

Unregistered wrote: »

If it was me I'd probably try to bring up the conversation, just so you don't have elephant in the living room. Does it really matter who says it first?

No it doesn't. It's like the constant arguments over which sex should approach the other to ask someone out - the guy or the girl? There's nothing wrong with either doing it, in this case saying it first. I think at this stage in your relationship you should have said it, not that there are any rules to abide by or break.
I would feel like you if it hadn't been said by now, but at the same time I would have felt myself obliged to say it when the time came and the moment right.
You should say it to him the next time you really feel like saying it. If he has a problem then that's his fault. You shouldn't go through life worrying about if he loves you back, you should know yourself that answer by the way he treats you. If he isn't sure at this stage then you have to wonder is he gonna waste your time.

Karen_*

Bite the bullet and say it. Sure after 18 months its ok to just go for it its not like its after a week and way too soon. If your bf doesn't love you after 18 months then do you want to still go on? I guess the scary part is that you're about to find out and thats whats stopping you. Go for it though, you only get one life and you need to know this.

banshee_bones

just say it when it feels right, dont build up to it just let it happen naturally

implausible

18 months is a long time...

Do you only want to tell him just to hear it back? A relationship shouldn't be a game. Would you want him to say it straight back even if he doesn't mean it?

Or are you telling him to express how you feel? If so, be patient, if he feels the same he'll say it at some stage, just don't expect it immediately. In my experience, most men don't know what to say... :rolleyes: If he never says it back, then you have a problem.

[Jackass]

My girlfriend told me she loved me after about a year. I wasn't ready to say it back but hugged her and kissed her and stuff and made it clear it wasn't a rejection or a burn, without kind of putting to fine of a point on it.

Maybe a month later I told her I loved her and said I was sorry I didn't say it back to her straight away, but I just wasn't ready, but when I do say it I want to really mean it, and I do. So I think she understood that and we said it every day since!

LegacyUser

i told my bf after 3 months, after we both had afew tipples. we both didnt mention it for a week and then he told me how he felt the same but was unsure if he should tell me. we'r stil 2gdr and happy in love, ask him does he believe in love. does he think he has ever been in love, does he fall in love easily et ur c etc and see what his answers are. he'l know himself that ur looking for him to say the magic words. if he says nothing, id say it outright then. if u cant say it outright, what does that say about how u handle other matters in the rship. good luck!

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll take it on board.(s.ie :P)

I figure that I will just stop trying not to say it. (It has nearly popped out a few times) and it will be said at some stage, and whatever happens, happens.

As I believe someone has said above, if he is never going to feel that way about me, then I might have to re-think things.

But I am sure it will all go swimmingly!