Too Fat

LegacyUser

Hi!When I got married I was a size 10 now size 16. My husbands not so into me and neither is anyon else its like I`m invisible. Guys please motivate me tell me what you really think be heartless it might help me!

dudara

You have to want to lose weight yourself and for yourself. Asking people on the internet to motivate you simply won't work if you don't want to do it for the right reasons and have the motivation.

themadchef

Your husbands not into you and neither is anyone else?

Ok, so i take it he doesnt find you as sexually attractive as when you were a size ten? Why would you being a size 16 affect how other people get on with you. If youre weight is making you unhappy, then make a decision to change.

Do it for you, not for him, not for them... for you. Do not spend your life trying to please other people. You got to be comfortable in the skin you're in.

Dr_Phil

Heey,

Just wanted to post a thread about me (sounds stupid I know).

I am male, 31. I am fat and miserable example of human being. I sit at home, I sit in the car, I sit at work. I have a lovely, fit wife and that makes me look even uglier and fatter in my own eyes. I don't find myslelf strong enough to start some training, I am brainwashed after 8 hours of work (IT) every bloody day. I don't really even have friends to start to jog with, or start a silly diet. At this stage my obsession started decresaing my sexual performance, as I constantly think how heavy, slow and fat I am.

That sucks.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I know how you feel, I went through exactly the same thing, it may sound harsh but you need to lose weight, not for anyone except yourself, I have gotten myself back down to a size 12 and hope to be a 10 by March, it's really tough but my god does it make a difference to your health and happiness, you need to do this for yourself, yes, my husband finds me more attractive now that I'm a 12, however, i think it's more the confidence that comes with being slimmer that he's attracted to rather than just my physical appearance.

I have a much better outlook on life now that I've lost the weight and I know for a fact I will never ever go back to be a size 16 as I was totally miserable, it's nearly 2009 so start afresh, and remember, if you lose just 1 pound a week that's 52lb before 2010, over 3.5 stone!! Don't keep putting it off, you need to do it for your own happiness.

Donotpassgo

Hi OP I know how you feel I've put on 15kilos since getting married but I've recently got a wii fit and its great, it is expensive what with the initial outlay but so much cheaper than the gym. you can adjust the settings to whatever weight you want to lose or fitness level you want to achieve and you get a (virtual) personal trainer to take you through the steps. I've lost almost a kilo since christmas eve!! Its fun too!!

Firetrap

In the new year, go join Weightwatchers or Unislim. The knowledge that you'll have to get up on a scales every week and have your weight marked on a card by a leader will be all the motivation you need.

Asking people to tell you that you're fat/unattractive etc. is not going to help you lose weight. You're already unhappy about your weight and don't need to be told it again.

LegacyUser

Listen, I was an overweight man. I was so sick of being the one all the girls found invisible that I said f*ck this, its time I did something about it. I didnt do it for anyone except me, to make me more confident about myself. I joined the gym and although it was hard as hell to go I forced myself out of bed every morning at 6am and went before work, sometimes I went again after work! I would do physio in the morning, weights in the evening and started watching what I was eating. 6 months later and I am actually fighting the women off. Its a bit strange going from women not knowing you even exist to practically just groping and seeing you as nothing more than piece of meat (ha, I guess I know how a woman actually feels now!!!). That says alot about our society but I guess thats just the world we live in.

Even though I look good, feel great and have the attention I wanted from women I am still extremly unconfident with them and am even bitter to some who I know wouldnt have given me a second of their time 6 months ago even though I am exactly the same person I was then!!! I found the first 4 - 6 weeks of working out the hardest to get through but once you get into the routine, start seeing those results and feeling better about yourself then going to the gym just becomes another normal part of your day and you will wonder why you didnt start sooner.

Musashi

Guys please motivate me tell me what you really think be heartless it might help me!

There is no point in being mean or heartless to you girl, sounds like your doing that to yourself?

Do you want to lose weight for yourself, for health, to be more attractive to your hubby and others? Are you quite happy at your weight despite the negative reactions? There are women I would fancy at a larger size over any skinny minnies, Nigella Lawson fer gawds sakes!

If you want to lose weight, and I stress the "you" part, you already know how to. It's just facing in to it looks like a long slog and hard work. You are right of course, it's going to be tough, there are no "miracles" and it's all up to you!

I'm no-one to lecture you btw., I was a 28 inch waist Martial Arts guy who ran, lifted and lived to train. Then I got a life but also got lazy! I put up an easy five stone I reckon, and I'm going back to losing it after the holidays.

I am going to use these "rules" to do it, as these have worked for me in the past. Feel free to ignore or use these in a way that you like.




You are in charge, you decide what goes in your mouth, or doesn't, at any time.

Cravings don't last, change your environment or get active to avoid them. This isn't psycho speak girl. If your in the kitchen and get peckish, feck out the back and do some tidying, or into the "junk room", anything to distract you.

EAT! Fat people don't eat breakfast, this is very true! Eat a good brekkie, oats are good, a little honey, some golden raisins. Slow release fibre helps keep you full. Eggs are also good! Protein fills you up and stops hunger pangs.

Small feeds fairly often, three meals a day came from factory work, aboriginal peoples eat more often and don't let the blood sugars plummet leading to bingeing!

Bias your food intake towards whole foods, ones that have not been fecked about with! More protein (fish, eggs, lean meats and red meat) and less empty Carbs.

To that end, no white bread, pasta or rice love, and no beers or alcohol for a while. If you must, clear spirits and slimline tonic with a soda water every second round.

No sweeties or cakes

No eating before bed, that's sleepy time not snack time. Body is shutting down so some protein for repairs is ok. Milk (slimline or Super milk with Casein powder is ok) but really you won't rest properly with a full belly. Brekkie is where it's at, not called break the fast for nothing!

Mix it up fruit and veg. wise. One banana a day, apples oranges are good. Green leafy veg eat all you like, salad good/ dressings generally bad! Root veggies not the best so spuds and carrots a little less, broccoli and corn Yayy!

I don't like the word "Diet", it implies hardship and holds negative associations.
Neuro Linguistic Programming tells us that's bad if we want people to agree with what we want them to do.

This is a positive change of eating ways, not a "diet" dirty word! You are choosing a better way, fresh food prepared simply and full of goodness. Better for you and your family. A "dirty word" is a short term thing that leads to more weight gain, feck that cycle. Choose a sustainable change and choose health every day, not the "lose a stone in ten seconds" pouring from the magazine stands.

I don't know if you have kids, but by being a positive role model you will affect how they eat as adults. My Mother always drank water at dinner and ate Porridge, now I realise she was right and I do the same!

Drink more Water! If you feel thirsty you are dehydrated! Sorry about this, but your wee should be clear (unless you necked a slow release Vitamin C. tab that morning and forgot. I thought my wee was radioactive!).

Take a good multi vitamin for a month at a time. Give a week odd without in case of build up of fat soluble vitamins. Ones like Vit. C you can pee out, hence the glow in the dark wees! Fat soluble can build up and poison you, so a little break is good to flush excess.

Get some fish oil in ya girl! Does wonders for the skin and your hair! Again I am unsure of your age but I find my joints hurt way less when I take Cod Liver Oil. If you dislike the taste get some capsules. A big bottle of Cod Liver Oil is way cheaper though, mix it with some Orange Juice after dinner and neck your vitamins with it. Always good to take tabs on a full belly and around the same time, shift patterns permitting.

Take baby steps, these are a lot of changes to make all of a shot! Make one change and see how it goes. Set yourself realistic and achievable targets!

There is no benefit to be had stating "This time two months I'll be down four stone", either you'll wreck your health doing it or you'll call it a silly target and quit on it.

I prefer to aim "I'll eat cleanly today" or "no Dessert for me, but I'll get a nice coffee"

Write down your targets and goals, put them away and check them in a month. See how close you've gotten.

Use your brain. If you believe a thing can be done, or can't be done, you are right!
Even if you don't believe it tell yourself "I don't like unhealthy food, I much prefer this "insert healthy meal"". Even knowing it's all talk, thinking it will make it true for you. How else do perfectly healthy attractive ladies end up Anorexic and filled with self loathing?

Your mind is yours to use, use it to enforce positives ( "I look/feel great today", "I love porridge", "I much prefer eating cleanly to dirty junk food").

Do not be too hard on yourself, if you do eat something in a moment of weakness tell yourself it was a slip and you'll do better. Please do not punish yourself by skipping the next meal, that's a recipe for disaster right there!

Allow"cheat" or "treat" days. I remember being very anti-carb coming up to martial arts tournaments where I had to make weight. I drove myself mad thinking about crusty bread fer fecks sake! When I allowed myself to eat as I liked on Sundays, I found it was the idea of bread I craved. Actually eating some I had eyes bigger than my belly and didn't really want it.

Talk to your hubby, does he see what you see? I know I'm not the guy my wife married but she seems to be just as mad about me as I am about her? Your hubby may be stressed, busy, fallen in to a rut? I know we did for a bit but we talked about it and we're like feckin' teenagers now only with two kids in the house instead of parents to ruin our fun

I would imagine he's put up a few pounds over the years as well? Don't say that to him, but start on your healthier eating and I bet he'll join you.

Exercise a bit more, not sure what your daily schedule is but a little less eating and a bit more moving can work wonders. You've heard it before but here it goes again. Do something you enjoy, do it with a friend! You will go if you like it, and days you can't be arsed you'll go for the sake of your friend.

There are no quick fixes, a responsible and realistic weight loss is measured in years really! Don't be put off, you will make good changes in weeks, major changes in months! Small steps and achievable goals, and don't be too hard on yourself! You slide back a little so what? Decide not to give in and carry on, you only fail if you stop trying.


I know this sounds a lot like an American infomercial, but a lot of that ****e is based on sound strategies. This is really an approach to weight loss, I can't tell you what to eat, I dunno what you may be allergic to? This is advice posted over tha Interweb and is worth what you paid for it.

I do know what it's like to feel **** about the state you've let yourself get in to.

These are the rules I used to use to make weight for competitions, and what I am going to use to make sure I can play with my kids and not leave my wife a young widow.

When I was a younger man it was mainly for sports performance and a bit of vanity, these days I'm looking at heart disease and Diabetes if I continue to abuse my body.

If there is anything else I ca help you out with, exercise programs, dietary advice anything. If you just need someone to vent to, PM me.

If you would be happier talking to a woman contact G'em on the fitness forum section of this site, she's good people. Have her go over my post and add/agree/disagree with it as these are only the things I've found to work with my body chemistry and maybe are not universal rules?

I hope this post has helped in some way and not just added to your hassles.

Again, anything I can do to help out, just drop me a message.


Eric ( musashi)

Sangre

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi!When I got married I was a size 10 now size 16. My husbands not so into me and neither is anyon else its like I`m invisible. Guys please motivate me tell me what you really think be heartless it might help me!

If the fact you're husband isn't into you anymore isn't motivation enough then I don't see how a bunch of faceless strangers are going to motivate you.

Tell him or a friend you want to lose weight and get them to join you. Great way to motivate yourself. If one of you has a lazy day the other will boot you up the arse.

Come and drop by 'fitness' forum for some great advice, from exercise to diet.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=252

AARRRGH

I'm going to give a slightly different opinion.

If you are so full of self-hatred that you can't motivate yourself to lose weight and stop being obese, than by all means do it for someone else. The most important thing is to stop being unhealthy and to lose that weight.

After that you can worry about why you hate yourself. Hopefully having a better self image will fix some of this.

Dudess

What a superb post Eric!

Musashi wrote: »

EAT! Fat people don't eat breakfast, this is very true! Eat a good brekkie, oats are good, a little honey, some golden raisins. Slow release fibre helps keep you full. Eggs are also good! Protein fills you up and stops hunger pangs.

Small feeds fairly often, three meals a day came from factory work, aboriginal peoples eat more often and don't let the blood sugars plummet leading to bingeing!

Vital info here. The skinniest people I know do exactly the above.

There is no benefit to be had stating "This time two months I'll be down four stone", either you'll wreck your health doing it or you'll call it a silly target and quit on it.

I prefer to aim "I'll eat cleanly today" or "no Dessert for me, but I'll get a nice coffee"

Spot-on. One day at a time - don't look beyond that. Keep a diary of your food choices for each day and your activity levels. This is actually a very highly regarded motivational tool.

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

What a superb post Eric!

Vital info here. The skinniest people I know do exactly the above.

Spot-on. One day at a time - don't look beyond that. Keep a diary of your food choices for each day and your activity levels. This is actually a very highly regarded motivational tool.

would definitely have to agree with this, one day at a time is really the only way to think, if you have a bad day today, so what, tomorrow you can start all over again. I used to not follow this rule and as a result I would do it week by week, so if I had a bad day, I'd start again next Monday - ridiculous way to carry on.
I cannot stress enough how important breakfast is, as soon as I started eating breakfast - I began losing weight and having more energy. It's taken me a long time to lose the amount of weight I've lost - which is about 3 stone, mainly due to messing about on my part n the early days, it has clicked with me now thought and I have a much better outlook.

What I will say, is whatever you do, don't do any fad diets, they're disastrous, it's easier to keep weight off when you lose it slowly, this is a fact.

Unfortunately when you are overweight though, you do tend to see the weight you have to lose as near impossible, which is why I said earlier that 1 lb a week is actually plenty of weight to lose, and it's achievable.

LegacyUser

One word: EXERCISE!


TBH you may not loose weight immediately but exercise has wonderful side effects.

Firstly it will 'pull you together' much better. With good posture and tone, 16 can look much smaller. Its also wonderful for self-esteem and you'll start making healthier food choices when you respect your body. Also great for skin. Even walking will work wonders over time. Join a yoga or pilates class, try the pool,, walk and remember all you need to run is a pair of runners. Its practically free! Also great for depression. Also with a diet you're always denying yourself something but with exercise you're adding something to your life.

Miss Fluff

Set yourself realistic goals starting from today. Join Weight Watchers, it will give you the motivation to slim, pin a photo of yourself in your wedding dress to the fridge to remind yourself of where you want to be, and start walking as much as possible. If you decide you want to lose 2lbs a week (you won't have to restrict yourself to celery munching to do this), you will be able to lose the weight in a matter of a few months, will be fitter into the bargain, and get back some of that confidence you have lost. You can do it OP.

Oh and just one more thing, watch your portion sizes. When cooking for a man it is all too easy to pile your plate with the same amount of food....not a good idea!!

MIN2511

Hey, do you have friends who go to the gym regularly? I woke up yesterday and thought i have put on weight, i have now booked a personal trainer and i am have a gym buddy.

Most people need encouragement and i think you should voice your concern to your OH, he could be your gym buddy and ye can get fit together...

No one is perfect, we strive to be happy and sometimes try too hard. Just be realistic about your goals and everything would take shape...