Found out about rape

LegacyUser

I sat down with my mother tonight and a deep conversation developed. we bagan by talking about her past experiences in her life. she told me that she had things she would not like to discuss because she was worried of upsetting me. after telling her that no matter what she told me it wouldnt get me upset. so she began to tell me something from her past. i wont tell the whole story but the basics of it are:
when she moved to dublin 30 years ago, she met a guy from northern ireland she began seeing him like going for dinner and drinks but never anything physical. one night they were in a hotel and the man asked her would she like to go to the room to watch a film. now my mother was very innocent when she was here as she had come from the country and saw that there was nothing wrong with this suggestion ( not like nowadays) anyway when she was in the room she saw the he had locked the door and he grabbed a scissors. the only thoughts running through her head were to jump out the window and end her life or accept what was going to happen. so she was raped. she got pregant with his baby and had it aborted.

hearing my mother tell me this made me feel angry. not at her but at him. she told me she once saw him on a Television show and broke down in tears with my dad who knew that it had happened. as a red blooeded male all i can think of is hunting this ****** down and torturing him for getting away with this. he probably has raped loads of innocent girls and is up to all sorts and getting away. i was just wondering what people think of this situation. please take into consideration that it happened in 1970's ireland and things were alot different. thanks and look forward to replies.

Nevyn

You asked and you said you were grown up enough to deal and handle it so you had best figure out how to.

Many women have been sexually assulated and raped, the numbers are higher them most people ever care to think about and it is thier mothers, sisters, aunts, friends but it is something that is rarely talked about and is as taboo as women who have abortions.

Yes your angry but just make sure your Mother doesn't think that you are angry with her.

yellowcurl

Your moms lucky to have someone like you to care about her like that.

Just be careful that you don't talk about it too much in front of her if she's not comfortable with it. It may be something that she would just prefer to be buried.

star-pants

Would agree with Thaed here, you did ask to be told and your mother took a big step in telling you. Make sure she knows that your anger is not directed at her in any way. As you said, this happened a long time ago, and unfortunately there's not much can be done about it. Your mother has gotten on with her life and as horrible a thing as what happened to her did happen, she's come out of it, and has a good life to show.

I do understand your anger and how you want to find the guy and tear him apart, but you won't and can't, so don't let that anger become part of you.
Your mother has entrusted you with this thing she's kept inside a long time, and I do understand how you feel but there's not much to be done now, and she probably won't want you be dwelling on it too long.

girl_friday

As far as I am aware the statistics are that one in five women will be raped and one in three will be subjected to a sexual assault at some stage in their lives... Horrific numbers if you look around your family and friends and think how many women you know and start thinking that those 'one in x' could be them...

A lot of sexual assaults and rapes are never reported. Women fear the court system as it makes them relive the ordeal again and chances of a conviction are slim. The survivors have to live with the fact that yes the perpetrator may strike someone else and do not need to be told this!!

HJL

girl_friday wrote: »

As far as I am aware the statistics are that one in five women will be raped and one in three will be subjected to a sexual assault at some stage in their lives... Horrific numbers if you look around your family and friends and think how many women you know and start thinking that those 'one in x' could be them...

Not saying i know the exact figures but those stats have to be way off.

adamt747747 wrote: »

when she moved to dublin 30 years ago, she met a guy from northern ireland

Why mention he was from northern ireland? Are you saying she should have been suspicious of him because of that? Suppose if someone from the 6 counties isnt in dublin to blow something up he'll be down to do some other sort of badness!

Apologies for off topic, i wont interfere in this discussion again.

mikemac

HJL wrote: »

Why mention he was from northern ireland? Are you saying she should have been suspicious of him because of that? Suppose if someone from the 6 counties isnt in dublin to blow something up he'll be down to do some other sort of ba

You're reading way too much into! Don't take offense so easily

Sure the OP named Dublin too
And the fact that people who move to Dublin (or any city) from rural areas might not be street-wise. I'd agree with that and wouldn't take offense

LegacyUser

HJL wrote: »

Not saying i know the exact figures but those stats have to be way off.

.

sorry if this is deemed as going off topic, but they can't be too far off. why do you think we have an organisation called 'one in four' being that one in four people will be sexually abused at some stage in their lives?

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice. has helped me . and to the poster about me mentioning northern ireland , i didnt intend to cause any offence. thanks tho to everyone

star-pants

mikemac wrote: »

You're reading way too much into! Don't take offense so easily

Agreed - the OP is just pointing out facts, like saying his mother went to Dublin and had this guy been from Galway he would have said that.

OP it is hard to be in your position as it's new to you and thus you have to deal with anger you now feel, whereas your mother may have dealt with it in her own way. Just be there for her as you have been.

Mrmoe

I can completely understand the rage and anger that you feel now and I think I would react the exact same way if that had happened to a member of my family, mother, sister or aunt. This would be my initial reaction and completely understandable.

Now that you have had time to think about you would need to ask yourself some questions and the answers will dictate how you proceed.

Is it even possible to track him down?
If you can't then it is better to overcome the anger as it could tear you apart.

If you could track him down could you prove that he did it in a court system?
Taking this route might be upsetting for your family and without a conviction it might not be worth it. Even if he was convicted it might not be worth the emotional cost and pain. It seems that your mother has come to terms with it to some degree to whatever point someone can come to terms with a horrific ordeal like that. It might be worth talking with your mother more and seeing if she would go to counseling (maybe she already has).

Either way I don't think beating the snot out of him would be a good idea no matter how satisfying it might appear.It could potentially cause more harm to your mother or yourself.