Mother about to die?

LegacyUser

Hello

Umm this is quite a difficult post to write...

My mam is very sick with cancer and has been for quite a while (5+ years). It has now spread through most of her body. I wrote a post in the Long term Illness forum a while back (think its on page 2 titled - Living with mother with terminal cancer).

Anywhoo.. she has been getting progressively worse over the last couple of weeks and I have noticed quite a deterioration (sp?) in her general health.

Tonight things kind of came to a head where she was coughing violently for an hour or so, to the point where she was just gasping and gasping for air and then she vomited too.

I am scared that tonight is her last night and am scared to go to sleep in case she is gone when I wake up.

Incase you ask "if she is that bad, why arent you bringing her to the hospital?", she is due in next week for a routine appointment and my dad said they will speak to the doc's then. Plus she has gotten in to bed and is going to try and get some sleep.

I dont really know what any one can say to all of this but any advice whatsoever would be really appreciated... I am 22 and am so close to my mother she is my best friend and I love her more than anything in the world and this is breaking my heart. I am also trying to prepare myself in the eventuallity that she does die but how can one possibly do that?

Firetrap

Oh you poor thing. That is one of the saddest posts I've read for a while...

Two things spring to mind

1 Let there be nothing left unsaid. If needs be, tell your mum that you love her and thank her for everything she's done
2 Take every day as it comes. Don't start looking into the future. It'll get to you in its own time.

Other than that, all you can do is hang in there. I hope you don't get any more horrible frights like you did tonight.

UrbanSea

Ah im so sorry to hear,naturally I know it must be a very hard time for you..
Cant really add anything to what firetrap read,just read the post and wanted to tell you to hang in and no matter how hard it may seem now,or in the eventual passing of your mother,which hopefully will be in a more distant time,that things will get better. You may feel like you have nothing to look forward to or even want to look forward to but in time you will deal with the passing in a way which you say 'Thank God you are ok now'. This is what has happened me with my grandmother(my 2 parents are alive thankfully) but she had cancer,although we only knew of hers for about 2 months before she died as hers moved very quickly. It hurts to see a person you care about fall ill and see them get worse by the day in front of your very eyes until ultimately my granny could no longer even speak...it was like she was in a heavy sleep even before she died for a day. Having been down in the dumps for a while I have now grown to apprectiate that she is in a better place where the pain of cancer can no longer affect her and I thank God for that. Sorry for the rambling but want you to know I feel for you and hope that you and your mother and your family can be alright

Kirnsy

OP my heart goes out to you.


again cant add much to Firetrap's post other than to try to think as positively as you can...rather than question if this night is the last, you should try to enjoy each day with your mum and take things as they come.

obviously easier typed than done.

hang in there

Wurly

Hi there pet,

Dont usually post in Pi anymore but had to once I saw your post. I am going to talk about my personal experience of this and I really hope that it helps you.

My father has been sick since September 2006. He has terminal lung cancer. He lost the ability to swallow and gets fed through an outer tube. We were told he'd only be alive for one year.

It's now December 2008 and my father is still alive. Everyone says that's brilliant but it's so hard. We can't make anything to eat without feeling guilty, either my mother or myself must be at home at all times in case something goes wrong and we all must remain constantly upbeat,even when we feel like crying.

My advice? Allow yourself to grieve the part of your mother which has gone forever. That's hard but it's worth doing. Spend as much time as you can with her. Think of potential regrets... What would I most regret not doing or saying to this woman. Do that. Don't be hard on yourself - allow you emotions - happy, sad, angry, relief, devastation. All of them. Let yourself feel what it needs. Build up your support network now - tell people what you need.

Basically, look after yourself til the time comes. You can only grieve so much until they are gone.

Please PM me as I would be so happy to talk to you. Don't blame your friends. No one understands until it happens to them.

I am here so PM if you need. My heart goes out to you.xxxx

LegacyUser

Hi there, my mother died very recently after a lengthy illness. She spent the last few months at home, the final hours at hospital. She wanted to be near us all and was happiest in her own bed. My advice is to grieve a little now before she's gone. It's hard cos you have to hide this from her,but it will help you in the end. I had to take each day as it came, not think "is this her last day"..just tried to spend time with her and talk about other "trivial" things with her cos she loved that as it distracted her from what she was facing into.
Some nights were very bad as she got sicker,and I spent many nights afraid to go to sleep.
But she hated seeing us tired,and needed stong rested people to look after her in the daytime. Try and get some rest. Ask your Dad to ring the GP if you need her checked, the GP is well used to being called about very sick people.
Hope you did get some rest since you posted,take care of you.

futura123

Dear OP, i have to say this is the one and only thread that has brought a little tear to my eye.i too lost a parent at a young age, that day my father died has stayed with me ever since but i do know he is in a better place and not suffering anymore.
take comfort in knowing that your mum will always be at your side.....
god bless