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Eating Disorder

  • 26-12-2008 4:11pm
    #1
    Just me 19
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭


    Last night I had a major realisation. I knew I always had an obsession with my eating but I didn't realise how far it's gone. I've been restricting my diet for years now but it's come to a peak in the last year and I've really started to become unhappy. I thought my depressed feelings, desire to isolate myself, anti-social nature was down to everything other than my overcontrolled eating behaviour until now.

    My sisters sat me down last night and forced me to talk...for once they weren't accepting my defense mechanisms used to throw them off. The funny thing is for years and years, I have been so smart at telling people enough to keep them at bay and so I've protected myself from any unwanted interfering.

    I got really upset...and I admitted to controlling my eating.
    The last 5 months were the worst. I controlled my carb intake. A typical day for me would be: granola for breakfast, small tin of tuna for lunch and veg and meat for dinner (of course low carb veg). It got worse, I would control more and more. Then I would binge after a week or so and then compensate by reducing my food intake the next day. The cycle went round and round and I didn't even realise how thin I was getting until I came home from America (where I was studying for one semester) and none o0f my clothes fit me. My family were shocked at how thin I was. I had been in denial.

    I think about food all day every day...how I eat it, where I'll eat, what I'll eat, when I'll eat...if I eat this what will I do to compensate....and so on. It has gotten so bad that I record what I eat at the end of each day to see if it is satisfactory to me. I am so conscious of my eating I unconsciously keep record of what I eat (every little thing) in my head. I check the labels on EVERYTHING! always looking for the lowest carb content. I've missed 2 periods, I'm getting lots of spots and I still cant see how thin I am in the mirror! Only in pictures...

    Now I want help, as this has taken over my life. I am passing my life away and losing so much (my motivation, my confidence, my happiness, my energy, my friends due to moodiness and anti-social behaviour) and then of course I am facing a lot of negative health effects.

    I am seeking help. Does anyone out there empathise with me?? I'd really love to talk to someone in a similar situation as me. I'm going to look into counselling and OA meetings today. I really want to change my life.


Comments

  • #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Well fair play to your family for caring enough to confront you on this and
    well done for you for listening and wanting things to change.

    http://www.bodywhys.ie/

    Bodywhys - The Eating Disorders Association of Ireland.

    Admin Line: 01-2834963
    Helpline No: 1890 200 444
    Email: info@bodywhys.ie
    www.bodywhys.ie
    BodywhysConnect - Online Support Group:

    BodywhysConnect Logo BodywhysConnect is a free, weekly Internet support group currently offered to people with eating disorders over 16 years of age.
    It aims to provide support to those who may be geographically isolated from a support group or those who find it too difficult to attend a physical group. Meetings last for an hour and a half and are facilitated by two trained Bodywhys volunteers.

    Meetings are held from 7.30pm to 9.00pm GMT. All registered users are welcome to login for a support group. If you are not already registered, Register Now!

    Get the help you need and go to your dr to make sure you have not managed to do damage to your body with how you have been eating.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Oh OP, my heart goes out to you.

    I know how painful, frightening and soul destroying this is as I went through something similar. Christmas time can be a nightmare because there's food everywhere, it's such a social thing particularly at this time of year and your mind is all over the place. Please be kind and patient with yourself and look towards the New Year.
    Make a promise to yourself to be brave and face this head on next year, because there IS light at the end of the tunnel and you WON'T have to live with this forever. I got through it, so will you.

    What helped enormously for me was psychotherapy - as you well know, this has nothing to do with food, it's simply a coping mechanism for you, so learning more about your inner fears and need for control will be a painful but necessary part of the recovery process. I cried uncontrollably for six months, but came out with an understanding of myself that really put me on the road to recovery.

    Be open and honest with those close to you and most importantly, yourself - eating disorders thrive on secrecy and you know you are only fooling yourself with the denial and little lies about how much you ate, etc.

    Contact bodywhys and do it immediately - they are extremely supportive and professional and will be able to tell you what services are available in your area.

    And best of luck OP, my thoughts are with you.


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