I'm 27 and I need to find a girl but my lack of experience inhibits me

LegacyUser

hi i am a 27 year old man. I have very little experience dating and i'm still a virgin. i do go out socialising but i just have not got the confidence to go chatting up women. i'm not shy when it comes to talking to women in general but i'm really nervous about my inexperience. it has reached a stage where my virginity will be an issue. does anybody have any advice? is there anywhere i can meet women other than in the pubs, clubs etc.?

Overheal

http://theattractionforums.com

couldn't hurt your chances.

Snowie

shorely if you where out going enough youd be level head to beleave that it would in hibit you as far as you aloud it to......

LilOc

You'll be grand. Believe me, you'll be grand. Everything happens for a reason, that's what you should believe IMHO and your situation is a blessing in disguise.

First, i 'd like to tell you that you are LUCKY to still be a virging at your age. Will make things even more meaningful when they'll happen.

I had the stupidity to force things at 20 after a heartbreak (am now 21) and kind of regret it, even though i know that i had to go through those experiences (did loads of ridiculously stupid things as well in this period lol) to learn stuff and come full circle to what i used to believe.

Anyway, I met a guy who was almost in the same situation as you. Was 27, still a virgin, always thought he would fall madly in love and lose his virginity when married, had several "opportunities" to lose it but didn't chose to do it then, well he lost it with me instead. Everything else in his life was great and he's a great guy, cute, intelligent, outgoing, successfully pursuing his dreams at his pace and happy, very honest and caring.

Just this, he is looking for the woman of his life and maybe great relationships in the meantime, and has/had confidence problems in the dating department, never had a girlfriend even though he is ok with speaking with girls, he is actually quite funny and a bit of a solar person, one of those nice people everybody warms to, just not going further because he became somewhat clumsy at that point. Yet he's getting there and the girl who'll win his heart will be the luckiest ever.

Ok, why am i telling you that? Because i think it taught me that the only key to succeeding in relationships is only to BE YOURSELF and don't be afraid to show your feelings. You're lacking confidence? So what? The girl for you will find it cute and reassuring! I know it's a cliché etc... But it's just so true. Just be yourself and everything will go ok. Now there's nothing wrong with taking a few advises in the above mentioned forum though haha but don't play, just spice up what you really are if you want and don't feel bad about you're situation. Actually it can be seen as an advantage and a strong point from some girls' point of view. Be honest about it.

Hope that helped.

CDfm

You shouldnt be so hard on yourself.

Pubs and clubs might work for some- have you tried an social groups - Macra na Feirme -charity volunteer activities- even political parties such as Fianna Fail and Fine Gael all have single people and women.

If you are nervous around women - try nightclasses or if you are friendly with any girls your age you might share your problem with them and ask for help.

Best of luck.

mikemac

If you are already out socializing then you are not doing so bad, you are farther ahead then many people.

Loads of options other then pubs & clubs.

www.nightcourses.com
Link to classes on aaaaaany subject you could possibly imagine.
I'm thinking about doing a wine-tasting course next month, there is bound to be something you might be interested in and you will meet new people with similar interests

Same for sports. Most parishes (sp?) have a GAA club and it's an unwritten rule you have to be slow and unfit to play Junior B standard.
So don't worry so much about your starting point and there will be nights out for sure. Pick any sport you want.

Hope it goes well for you

LegacyUser

There's been quite a few topics on this. Really it all boils down to making a better "effort" on nights out. That's probably the only thing you're doing different to anyone else. Aim to speak to at least one girl casually on a night out and build up your confidence that way. The right amount of alcohol can help here. Don't be conscious of your inexperience, it's not exactly rocket-science. Take one step at a time.

LegacyUser

Don't be down on yourself because you are a virgin. Personally I think it's great.

My wife and I lost our virginity on our honeymoon a few years ago when we were in our early thirties. Yes, it is possible to love someone and still wait until marriage to make love. The great thing is that we have learned together and we know that we are not being compared with anyone else. And no, our sex life isn't boring or stagnant. It's pretty hot actually, and getting hotter all the time...

So don't don't lack confidence because you are a virgin. It's actually refreshing to see someone of your age admit it. if you were to believe some of the crap you read online you'd think everyone is at it like rabbits with multiple partners from the age of 17. The reality is that there are lots of people like you out there.

Good luck!

entropi

Unregistered wrote: »

i do go out socialising but i just have not got the confidence to go chatting up women. i'm not shy when it comes to talking to women in general but i'm really nervous about my inexperience.

Now this part quoted here applies to me on nights out also...i'm the same age as you and i'm still trying the whole chatting up thing, normally i'd be the one being asked so i find it tough going actually doing the initial talking but no amount of alcohol will help as i dont drink hehe, so all i can do is keep on going and see how it plays out. From what i've seen though is women like a man who can dance, are good at maintaining eye contact with them only, have a positive and happy aura about them and can laugh making a fool of themselves:) As mentioned above about GAA clubs, they usually have women attached to them, esp if they have a camogie team;)
I really hope you can overcome this goal, i know virginity has a massive stigma attached to it, i lost mine in my twenties too however i wouldnt worry too much as i'm sure there are many other men AND women that would like to lose it, like you but havent. It'll happen when you least expect it, i can guarantee it:D

Vengeance

I posted a reply to a similar thread which may help you.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055447407

It applies just as much to you as it does to the person that started that topic.

As for still being a virgin, dude there is nothing wrong with it. If you are comfortable in everything else in your life then don't let it get you down. If you want to change, then change. Only you can do it. No amount of emotional advice here will tell you what you need to know (with the exception of the link above, which touches on the pickup artist community which you may not know about).

Anything that is said on here is usually something you've already thought through and need validation. Believe in yourself.

Kirnsy

any person worth their salt would treasure being someone's 'first'.

have confidence in yourself. no one can tell from looking at you or talking to you that you are a virgin so set that aside. focus on the strong points of your personality and believe in yourself.27 is the new 17 for you

olazabal

Mate, welcome to my world.

I'm 30 and in the same position. I have plenty of girls that are friends, but moving to the next step just doesn't happen. I know they like me as a friend, but probably think that I am "too safe" and "too nice" to be anything else. Personally I don't understand that logic but then I don't understand women. It is the whole chatting up side of things where I fall down, becoming tongue tied and shy. It is the getting to know somebody that I find tough, its like a barrier I put up but once I do feel comfortable in somebody's company there is no stopping me!

I hate this time of year - everybody seems to have a partner and it so lonely to be on your own. So last January I made a resolution to myself to become more relaxed about these things. Many of the problems remain but I am happier in myself more of the time but still have very down days. In 2009 I'm going to push myself further. I know there is somebody out there for me, I'm not looking for a series of relationships just to meet one person that I can make happy and that will make me happy. I'm learning that nobody will be laughing at me if I mess up, and that the people that mind don't matter. Try and push yourself and try and have more self-confidence.

GirlInterrupted

Unregistered wrote: »

hi i am a 27 year old man. I have very little experience dating and i'm still a virgin. i do go out socialising but i just have not got the confidence to go chatting up women. i'm not shy when it comes to talking to women in general but i'm really nervous about my inexperience. it has reached a stage where my virginity will be an issue. does anybody have any advice? is there anywhere i can meet women other than in the pubs, clubs etc.?

Your lack of experience is probably a much bigger issue to you than it would be to any prospective girlfriend. Try to remember that just because it looms so large in your mind, it doesn't mean that it looms as large in a womans. If you meet the right woman for you, and you fall in love, it simply won't matter.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

hi i am a 27 year old man. I have very little experience dating and i'm still a virgin. i do go out socialising but i just have not got the confidence to go chatting up women. i'm not shy when it comes to talking to women in general but i'm really nervous about my inexperience. it has reached a stage where my virginity will be an issue. does anybody have any advice? is there anywhere i can meet women other than in the pubs, clubs etc.?

probably setting myself up for ridicule here, but from reading what you said, it appears you just wanna get the sex thing outta the way.

how about just going out and getting really drunk and just go for the easiest woman in the room. you might not be attracted to the girl but i guarantee it will boost your confidence and you dont have to be worried about being a virgin anymore.

and before anyone attacks my post, i agree sex should be with someone you love, but if you've been trying for years to find that someone and nothing is happening, your confidence is gonna take some beating and the longer it goes on the worse your gonna get.

sorry if i offended anyone, but this is reality, we dont always start off with our dream woman or as the saying goes "you gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince"

RodVelvet

You could try reading "The Game". Alot of it is total bs but there are useful bits of info there regarding breaking the ice and sp forth.

Tind777

Tind777 wrote: »

*SNIP*

That is Rape. You should be Banned sir. :mad:

Dudess

being-honest wrote: »

probably setting myself up for ridicule here, but from reading what you said, it appears you just wanna get the sex thing outta the way.

how about just going out and getting really drunk and just go for the easiest woman in the room. you might not be attracted to the girl but i guarantee it will boost your confidence and you dont have to be worried about being a virgin anymore.

and before anyone attacks my post, i agree sex should be with someone you love, but if you've been trying for years to find that someone and nothing is happening, your confidence is gonna take some beating and the longer it goes on the worse your gonna get.

sorry if i offended anyone, but this is reality, we dont always start off with our dream woman or as the saying goes "you gotta kiss a few frogs to find your prince"

I agree with the above. Ideally the first time should be meaningful but it isn't for many of us.

dublinpd

I say something for my own experience. That's not easy... I'm 27 and still have difficult in dating... I can talk generally there's no problems but I feel nervous and I can't say a word... I don't know what and how to say to start this... and when I had the chance the girls have seen just as a friend...

Vengeance

^

sounds like you've got a problem with approach anxiety and too much rapport.

Basically, say things that make your value seem greater than hers, and touch her a bit (light touching on the hands, shoulder, face etc) before you get stuck in the friend zone.

As for approach anxiety, I suggest doing it more often, and having material you know works to fall back on.

Posture is important, you want to look alpha, not beta. Good posture and most important of all, LOOK relaxed. Lean back. Put your feet up. Even if you aren't confident, you can look like you are. Work on your speech and stop any 'uhhs' or 'like...'

When you meet a girl in a group of people, don't immediately single her out. Win over her friends, and you win her. You'll have been socially accepted already so she will be more comfortable with you. The best way to start talking to a group is an opener. An opener initiates an INTERESTING conversation.

Combine the opener with an FTC (false time constraint), like 'i have to get back to my friends in a second, but i need a female opinion on something first... do tattoos look good on girls?'

etc etc...

Any more questions, pm me.

LegacyUser

Hey, you could be me. Im 26, never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin. Im also useless at chatting to women I fancy but anybody else Im fine with. Growing up I thought wait for that special person but I think I was looking too hard and so turned down several opportunities. Now its at the stage where the stigma of being a virgin is holding me back from even getting close to someone so I know how you feel OP. Im convinced my family think im gay!!!! Its crazy because all the women I know cannot believe it when I say I have never had a girlfriend as I am pretty out going and although I dont think Im the best looking guy in the world according to the women I work with anyway I am generally regarded as one of the top 2-3 best looking guys in my company out of about 100 men. Sure just the other night 2 of the girls asked me if I had slept with more than 30 girls...I laughed and said try less than 3 (technically true!) and they were genuinly shocked. I have been told a few of the girls are mad about me but I find myself looking for reasons to not chat any of these women up in case we get down to things and she finds out im a virgin, i just think it would get straight back to everyone in work or as alot of my girl friends have said in the past that if they met a guy who was a virgin they would kick him out of bed since they dont want to be a teacher to anyone! I often think I should have just taken one of those chances when I was younger and then everything would be fine now! To be honest it all just a pain in the b*lloxs....

Nevyn

You just need to find someone who knows how to be discrete and whom you can trust as well as being some one you want to have sex with.