Friendship Woes...

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, would love some advice on my current problem. I was pretty lonely in school and when I went to University, my life really dramatically changed. I met some really amazing people and really, my University experience was just what I wanted.. experimentation, meeting people of like-minds, making friends with people I thought would last forever. There were a core 5 of us who spent every single day together, went on holidays together, partied together.. it was the most happy time in my life. We all finished up with Uni last year and one of the 5 of us moved to Australia so we don't see her much anymore.

Things in the friendship with the remaining 4 of us started to spiral out of control a bit though. The things we all used to do as a group, went to the extreme.. One of the friends in particular started taking a lot of drugs and her behaviour really changed for the worse... she became obsessive and selfish, but I still loved her so much as a friend and worried about her and defended her at any time her antics got her into bother (without even questioning if I thought what she was doing was right or wrong). That friend, who had the drug issues, fell out terribly with another girl in our friendship group and they stopped speaking to each other. I tried to reunite the two but to no avail..

Then, the friend who I had been trying do defend turned on me. Deleted and blocked me from facebook, sent me abusive text messages, saying things like I was socially inept, that i was ugly, that I was manipulative.. made fun of things I had told her in private. These were very very hurtful things for me to hear because I loved that girl very much - she was like family to me, all the great years of friendship we had suddenly didn't mean anything anymore. On top of that the final friend in our group of 5 just stopped speaking to me. Just out of nowhere. I didn't do anything at all on this last friend. Maybe he was annoyed because I remarked that the guy he was seeing was a bit messy and impolite after he stayed in my house and used my roommate's expensive make-up remover without asking, but I apologised profusely when my friend stopped speaking to me. He never replied and I don't think my small remark warranted such a reaction.. It was unfortunate coincidence that the two events happened at the same time. I cried so much over the summer, for months didn't even want to leave my house in case I bumped into those two friends on the street - really my confidence was totally knocked.

Over time though I built myself back up and began to realise that maybe the only thing holding our friendships together was the memory of the time we had together at Uni. I think I have become a nicer person since we stopped speaking - I have interests again and don't party like crazy anymore. I feel like I've learned something.

My problem is though, our friend from Australia is home for Christmas and already I can see them all messaging each other on facebook - they're meeting up at the weekend to go out. I have obviously made it very clear I won't be going out on any of these nights - I believe the two friends that stopped speaking to me did me a big wrong... But it frustrates me to see that my friend from Australia won't even be loyal to myself and our other friend who had the huge row I mentioned earlier.. I have told myself to not take it to heart but really it upsets me so much. It means I won't get to see my friend from Australia as much over the holidays and I also am just sitting thinking of the horrible things they will all say about me. It breaks my heart because we were all such good friends - like family - but I know in my heart I can't forgive the deeds the two ex-friends have done on me. My question is - how can I get through this time without feeling really upset? I'm from Cork and it's such a small city I'm even worried I'll bump into them. I suppose my friend from Australia has every right to be friends with whom she wants but how can I make myself not feel so very sad about the whole thing? It's really getting me down.

(Sorry for the long rant!!)

MIN2511

There are always two sides to every story


The friend from Oz is only home, unfortuantely she doesn't know your side of the argument and seems to be taking sides.
Unfortunately you cannot force her to be friendly with you, you should move on. Make new friends, there isn't much you can do.

pfishfood

Seems like a very tough situation. Its probably best moving on. If your friend coming back from oz is interested in meeting/talking to you why not do it. If you meet the rest out just look like they aren't bothering you, hold your head up high and smile. But there's no guarantees that you'll feel better was in a similar position with a friend of mine and that's what i did.

LegacyUser

la cienega wrote: »

My problem is though, our friend from Australia is home for Christmas and already I can see them all messaging each other on facebook - they're meeting up at the weekend to go out. I have obviously made it very clear I won't be going out on any of these nights - I believe the two friends that stopped speaking to me did me a big wrong... But it frustrates me to see that my friend from Australia won't even be loyal to myself and our other friend who had the huge row I mentioned earlier.. I have told myself to not take it to heart but really it upsets me so much. It means I won't get to see my friend from Australia as much over the holidays and I also am just sitting thinking of the horrible things they will all say about me. It breaks my heart because we were all such good friends - like family - but I know in my heart I can't forgive the deeds the two ex-friends have done on me. My question is - how can I get through this time without feeling really upset? I'm from Cork and it's such a small city I'm even worried I'll bump into them. I suppose my friend from Australia has every right to be friends with whom she wants but how can I make myself not feel so very sad about the whole thing? It's really getting me down.

(Sorry for the long rant!!)

Hi, I'm sorry you feel so bad and that you've had the bad luck to befriend some nasty hurtful people.
If your friend from Australia is a true and good friend they wont sit by and hear another speak badly about you. It's ok that you want nothing to do with the others (and nor should you imo) but it is up to the Australian friend if they want to pal round with them, but in turn your Australian friend should understand why you wont want to go out in their company.

If you happen to bump into them - what will happen? they will blank you or act like nothing happened. If your blanked, good enough move on you don't want to waste your time on people you don't like. But if they and/or your Aus friend act like nothing happened and want you to go out- tell them they treated you horribly and you do not mix with people who do so.

I hope everything works out ok.