On the outside

LegacyUser

Hi, so....Bascially I'm the only only girl in my family, younger bro and older one. Both are into sport and really academic, i'm the opposite. It's really diificult for me cause when i go into a room wih my family everyone goes quiet and i dunno what to say. They have dinner together but im veggie so i make my own food.

Everyone in is really into sport and i have no interest. I'm college, but doing art, while my older bro does engineering and younger bro wants to do the same. I feel totally left out, like i'm the hugest disappointment ever. I want to be into sports and school, but all i care about is art and music. My parents just sort of ignore me and i think all my family are waiting until i find something acedemic to study. Nobody really takes me seriously.

I just want to know how they'll accept me for who I am. They all seem to have expectations of me that I have no intention of filling. I'm happy with who I am, I'm slightly lost, but I think that's okay. All I want is for my family to stop thinking I'm a loser and try have fun with me and I don't know how to get them to talk to me.

dudara

To be honest you sound a bit full of self-pity. You say that you are vegetarian, so you prepare your own food. Why not let your mother do it? You are isolating yourself from the family-based activity of preparing food.

Your parents never think you are a disappointment. As you grow up and mature you will see this. A lot of people go through a phase in their late teens to early twenties where they believe that their parents just don't get them. But remember this, no matter what, your parents' love is unconditional. As should yours.

Craft25

aahhh... its good that you are developing your own individuality.. just remember to keep communication as open as possible..

sometimes if one member of the group develops belief systems that are askew of the group it can feel a bit threatening to them and their way of life... but the family bond wont go away...

if you are becoming ideologically weighted towards issues eg. animals, environment, peace... just remember not to always push them forward if people arent receptive to listen after the first time... it's a brick wall.. people have to develop their own beliefs..

anyway as a middle child you are aware that you are destined to be either a genius or a nutcase.. i'd go for the latter if i was you, less hassle

they'll always be proud of you, even if they dont always understand you.. happy x-mas

entropi

Dont feel totally left out at all, you have interests that you are happy with, you did say you are happy with who you are so why should you conform to what is expected of you? The answer is that you shouldnt, concentrate on both art and music, tell the family how well you do in both areas and also see if you can let your mam see how you prepare food and she may do it for you (i'm veggie too and if my mam wants to do food for me then happy days, less effort from me:D) Let the family know that although they have their own ideas of whats expected of you, tell them of your passion for art and music, that you have talents and are happy with your choice...with some luck they will listen and soon accept you for who you are:)

Doctor DooM

Funny story OP which you might like.

I was quite like you when I was young. I was quite introverted and my greatest pleasure was drawing. I lived completely in my own head, I loved reading and comics and imagination, all very lonely pursuits (not so much in the days of the internets).

My family were the exact opposite, they all like footie, rugby, and that malarky. As did all the other local kids. I dd feel very isolated for the longest time.

When talking to my family about things I did in school or showed them drawings I did, I could hear them trying to be supportive, or understand, but was always disappointed they didn't "get" me. Often, I felt they didn't really like me, and considered me a weak link in the family chain.

Especially my brother, he was very gregarious, and loved football, and got on with everyone. The opposite to me.

When we were adults, one day, we ended up in the pub and he told me that in fact he was jealous of me, of many of the things I have achieved (I also play in a band), and was very jealous of the way I could interact with people.

This was something he never told me because, quite frankly, it's not something that would be shared without a certain amount of alcohol.

My advice with the above in mind is this: Stop feeling sad about it. It's only hurting yourself really. Be resolute and stay the course which is right for you. I know it's hard but in fact your family probably loves you for your differences, not hates you.

Eric Cartman

can i ask are you one of those "im vegetarian because i want to rebel/ piss off my parents" people , or is it just you dont like meat

also not trying to offend but in my experience of vegetarians , there normally very preachy and continuously annoy their families about why they shouldnt eat meat, does this ring any bells ?


aside from that dont be hard on yourself, your not academic, so... is that a bad thing... i failed leaving cert maths and im fine, most people do arts in college, run with it

entropi

Eric Cartman wrote: »

also not trying to offend but in my experience of vegetarians , there normally very preachy and continuously annoy their families about why they shouldnt eat meat, does this ring any bells ?

well to be honest i think most vegetarians including myself would ask you to visit the veggie/vegan forum here and get some truth behind those ever present rumours haha:D

aside from that dont be hard on yourself, your not academic, so... is that a bad thing... i failed leaving cert maths and im fine, most people do arts in college, run with it

This is very true, i also failed ordinary level LC maths but its not as if i wanted to be working in IT or Science anyway...alot of people go through art in college OP and dont have interest or passion for it, but you do so keep on going, reaching for your dreams:D

SAVE_ME.222

Eric Cartman wrote: »

also not trying to offend but in my experience of vegetarians , there normally very preachy and continuously annoy their families about why they shouldnt eat meat, does this ring any bells ?

Wow, people having the courage to stand up for something they believe in, shocking stuff altogether.

Firetrap

Nothing wrong with standing up for your beliefs. It's the manner in which you do it that's the key. I worked with someone who was like that and most people in the office kept away from them because you were guaranteed an earful whether you wanted it or not.

Back on topic, I wonder how much of the OP's isolation is self-imposed. Is he/she eating their meals separate to the rest of the family? How about one night a week the family has some sort of nice vegetarian meal? They say us carnivores eat to much meat anyway.

I doubt your family goes quiet because you're not doing engineering. I think you've gotten too sensitive about this and perhaps a bit paranoid. This could be compounding the situation. I wonder are you behaving a bit oddly and making it hard for them to know how to deal with you. Surely your family talks about things that are of some interest to you.