The Santa Conspiracy.

WhaLofShi

:eek::eek::eek::eek:

The ultimate conspiracy has just been uncovered. It seems the fat guy in the red coat doesn't actually deliver presents to kids all over the world.

An un-named source (naturally) revealed today that it's all a hoax perpetrated by greedy toy store owners. Companies like these and these have carried on with this greedy hoax.

It seems the greedy toy store owners, in cahoots with toy makers like these and these, developed this myth to give their businesses a boost at what was normally a quiet time of the year. They've been doing this for years. They took the historical character St. Nicklaus (an ancestor of the golfer Jack Nicklaus), changed his name slightly and got together with Coca-Cola to hijack the image of the fat man with the beard in the red suit and use it as their own. (Coca-Cola jumped on board when they saw it as an opportunity to increase sales of cold drinks at the coldest time of the year. :eek:)

It is believed that millions of people all over the world have been duped by this hoax and filled the coffers of toy makers.

Finally this hoax has been revealed for what it really is. A gargantuan plan to move billions in currency to these greedy corporations on an annual basis.

Of course many others have jumped on the bandwagon, including nasty cigarette companies.



So don't be fooled by the corporations. It's time to give up this charade, now that it has been exposed for what it really is.

GhostInTheRuins

So who the elves work for then?

Fallen Buckshot

thats what ive always thought santa looked like

Cow Moolester

Santa's apart of the New World Order. He's consipiring with the Bees to pass the Lisbon Treaty and implant RFID chips in all children

Run_to_da_hills

Santa is in fact the "Devils Christ". St "Nick" the "old nick", rearrange "Santa" and you will get "Satan" :eek:

A child who is taught about Santa while growing up, one day comes to the shocking revelation that it was all a dirty lie. This sets a disturbing precedent in the child's mind. I believe that deliberately deceiving a child about Santa just prepares them for a life of doubt and suspicion.

Santa is a great impersonator of God, He knows EVERYTHING that goes on in a childs mind whether they have been behaving good or bad, Santa is also OMNIPRESENT, IE he can be in millions of places at the same time.

I also believe Santa is a PEDOPHILE and a PERVERT and I certainly would NEVER let any of my kids near him. :eek:

starn

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

Santa is in fact the "Devils Christ". St "Nick" the "old nick", rearrange "Santa" and you will get "Satan" :eek:

A child who is taught about Santa while growing up, one day comes to the shocking revelation that it was all a dirty lie. This sets a disturbing precedent in the child's mind. I believe that deliberately deceiving a child about Santa just prepares them for a life of doubt and suspicion.

Santa is a great impersonator of God, He knows EVERYTHING that goes on in a childs mind whether they have been behaving good or bad, Santa is also OMNIPRESENT, IE he can be in millions of places at the same time.

I also believe Santa is a PEDOPHILE and a PERVERT and I certainly would NEVER let any of my kids near him. :eek:

I cant actually figure out if your taking the piss or not

starn

Why have you got the Emperor from Star Wars wearing a Santa hat

Mahatma coat

hang on a mo, does this mean that theres a lizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzard sneakin into my house deliverin 'Presents''secretly embedded with RFID chips.

Also tis a lesser known FACT that the elves are also the drivin force behind the worlds amphetimine business, C'Mon now lads, no creatures could be thaT Jolly all year long without chemical stimulus

amacachi

Run_to_da_hills wrote:

A child who is taught about Santa while growing up, one day comes to the shocking revelation that it was all a dirty lie. This sets a disturbing precedent in the child's mind. I believe that deliberately deceiving a child about Santa just prepares them for a life of doubt and suspicion.

Ah, it all makes sense now.

Run_to_da_hills

Mahatma coat wrote: »

hang on a mo, does this mean that theres a lizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzard sneakin into my house deliverin 'Presents''secretly embedded with RFID chips.

Also tis a lesser known FACT that the elves are also the drivin force behind the worlds amphetimine business, C'Mon now lads, no creatures could be thaT Jolly all year long without chemical stimulus

Santa himself will be chipped so that he can be tracked, if he is not already :eek:

http://www.noradsanta.org/

starn

starn wrote: »

Why have you got the Emperor from Star Wars wearing a Santa hat

Oh its the Pope.

Anyone rember the episode of Pinky and the Brain. Where Brain creates a new fad called the Noodle Noggin doll. He has Santa deliver them to all the children in the world, and if I rember rightly takes over the world. Only to decide that taking over the world is not as much fun as TRYING to take over the world. I wonder was that the plan with Furbies

gerrycollins

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

Santa is in fact the "Devils Christ". St "Nick" the "old nick", rearrange "Santa" and you will get "Satan" :eek:

A child who is taught about Santa while growing up, one day comes to the shocking revelation that it was all a dirty lie. This sets a disturbing precedent in the child's mind. I believe that deliberately deceiving a child about Santa just prepares them for a life of doubt and suspicion.

Santa is a great impersonator of God, He knows EVERYTHING that goes on in a childs mind whether they have been behaving good or bad, Santa is also OMNIPRESENT, IE he can be in millions of places at the same time.

I also believe Santa is a PEDOPHILE and a PERVERT and I certainly would NEVER let any of my kids near him. :eek:

oh my god ill get banned but **** off and get a serious

rubadub

The common "toad stool" aka fly agaric aka amanita muscaria is a large mushroom with white stem and red cap with white spots. It causes hallucinations enabling people to have visions of things being too big or too small, some say leading to the myth of elves in forests, and why toadstools have such a place in fairytales & illustrations.

The fly agaric mushrooms were popular in northern regions and often fed to reindeers who ate them up, buckets were strapped to the reindeers and their urine was collected. The reindeers liver filters out the toxic chemicals and passes the active substances through almost intact. The siberians then drink the urine for a high. Beggars would call to the door of rich men to collect their piss in bowls. At mushroom festivals a few mushrooms could last many days due to the recycling of urine. The myth of santa claus is said to come from these regions, the red and white suit relating to the mushroom colour, and santa drinking the reindeers urine and thinking he can fly. There are also historians who believe the fly agaric was the fruit from the garden of eden, in some bible translations it was described as a red fruit bore from no tree.



I read about all that in books in my college library, seems there are related bits on delivering presents down chimneys too.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A6084218

GhostInTheRuins

rubadub wrote: »

The common "toad stool" aka fly agaric aka amanita muscaria is a large mushroom with white stem and red cap with white spots. It causes hallucinations enabling people to have visions of things being too big or too small, some say leading to the myth of elves in forests, and why toadstools have such a place in fairytales & illustrations.

The fly agaric mushrooms were popular in northern regions and often fed to reindeers who ate them up, buckets were strapped to the reindeers and their urine was collected. The reindeers liver filters out the toxic chemicals and passes the active substances through almost intact. The siberians then drink the urine for a high. Beggars would call to the door of rich men to collect their piss in bowls. At mushroom festivals a few mushrooms could last many days due to the recycling of urine. The myth of santa claus is said to come from these regions, the red and white suit relating to the mushroom colour, and santa drinking the reindeers urine and thinking he can fly. There are also historians who believe the fly agaric was the fruit from the garden of eden, in some bible translations it was described as a red fruit bore from no tree.

http://botit.botany.wisc.edu/toms_fungi/images/plastic5.jpg

I read about all that in books in my college library, seems there are related bits on delivering presents down chimneys too.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A6084218

Haha, that's mental.

//Checking that link

iPlop

The original santa wore a green costume ,the santa you see today is a copyright trademark of coca cola and they make a fortune off that invention every year along with toy companies.Whats a better way to make money that put a fat man in coca cola colours in every toy store in the world giving out pressies and promoting cola drinks-thats the way it was in the fiftys in the US

sceptre

Septic Leper wrote: »

The original santa wore a green costume ,the santa you see today is a copyright trademark of coca cola and they make a fortune off that invention every year along with toy companies.Whats a better way to make money that put a fat man in coca cola colours in every toy store in the world giving out pressies and promoting cola drinks-thats the way it was in the fiftys in the US

The image of "the santa you see today" isn't a Coca-Cola trademark. That's an urban myth propagated by people who never bother checking it. Also they weren't the ones that put him in red, though they managed to popularise it. Santa was in red over fifty years before Coke used his image in the 1930s, as well as a number of other colours. Thomas Nast pretty much created the modern Santa image, you'll find his pictures dating from around 1880. The ones for Harpers Weekly are in black and white but the ones he did for book illustrations show the guy wearing red.

Coke weren't even the first drinks company to use the guy in their adverts. That milestone belongs to White Rock, twenty years before Coke did.

No points for you I'm afraid. No toys from Santa either.