The Night Before Christmas - Allegedly

Hagar

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick AKA/St. Nicholas AKA/Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e., the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional coconspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minors pursuant to the applicable provisions of the Act.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.


Merry Christmas from all at the Humour Forum.

johnnyskeleton

That's defamatory of St. Nicholas - a saint, no less, pillar of the community - and I must insist that you remove all libelous content from your post forthwith.

hullaballoo

Hagar wrote: »

...

Merry Christmas from all at the Humour Forum.

Very good, where did you get that?

edanto

If I was betting on it, I'd guess he wrote it... liked the way it turned out and decided to gift it to this forum.

Hagar?

EDIT:

http://www.google.ie/search?rlz=1C1GGLS_en-USIE294IE303&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=Said+Claus+was+providing+specific+direction,+instruction+and+guidance+to+the+approximately+eight

nuac

Santa going up on roofs without proper ladders, safety harness, helpers.

Bet he didnt even prepare a method statement, or send the reindeer for a month long safe pass course.

The Health and Safety police should be notified.

And .... is he insured for all this?

How do we contact the Santa Claus regulator?

Have all these gifts been made by trade unionised elves?

and another thing - why does Santa like having small children sit on his lap.

Hagar

Despite exhaustive enquiries it would appear that the aformentioned "Claus" has fled the jurisdiction following several allegations of burglary. Going on previous form the authorities don't expect him back for several months.



Happy New Year.:D

fliptzer

I note your reference to small creatures not limited to mice and their like, I have informed the Health Inspector under the relevant Health and Safety legislation.

Happy New Year!

Victor

fliptzer wrote: »

I note your reference to small creatures not limited to mice and their like, I have informed the Health Inspector under the relevant Health and Safety legislation.

:rolleyes: That has nothing to do with Health & Safety. :rolleyes:

Thats a public health issue which is covered by the environmental health section.