The hell is going on?

LegacyUser

Why can't I get women to see me as more then a friend? Ever since I was mid teens (I am late teens now) I have had many girls as friends and I get on with a good few women. I keep trying. I ask girls out and they seem interested but I always end up as there go to guy to bitch to and get advise from. I never intend it that way and most girls wont believe me when I tell them that I find them attractive. What the hell? When I was 15 I met my first love but my parents did not like it so I had to break up with her (she was my first ever gf and I was really naive so I listened to them) ever since her nothing has really sparked. Not from lack of trying on my side though. Any ideas? Also, how many of you have gotten the just friends speech? it always sound the same!

Bottle_of_Smoke

If it keeps happening its the way you're acting. Do you act like a friend when you're getting to know them, being the shoulder to cry on in the hope she might see how nice you are?

It'l stop happening when you be yourself rather than the "yes man" they can get sympathy from.

RedXIV

You're only in your late teens my friend, what i wouldn't give to be able to explain stuff to the late teen version of me and i'm only 21 now. Believe me, don't change the way you are because you're like a clone of me as a kid and i'm pretty happy now with a girlfriend of the last 6 months. as said above, be yourself, and above all else, be confident. You'll be a ladies man in no time

LegacyUser

You need to stop being the shoulder to cry on. Keep your distance and be confident, let them know that ou are a man and not one of the girls. Make sure you always apear dominant and confident!

I know other fellas like you, they think women want someone to be sensitive and be a good listener, IMO this is bull****.

LegacyUser

How should I act then around girls that I am attracted too? I am just being me to be honest. I hate the way things keep turning out though. Which inevitably is down to my behavior...hmmm

MIN2511

A lot of people would say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your princess or whatever, it's just part of life....

I don't think anyone can point out what you are doing wrong... You just have keep trying.....

Killme00

They probably think you are gay.

Nah i'm just kidding, but seriously!

You know the slogan "its good to talk"? Well thats all wrong, you obviously talk to much and they see you as one of the gurls. Stop being so much of a yes man, its ok to say no from time to time.

Pub07

Standing around like a tool listening to girls moan about sh1te is quite gay in fairness. In future when they start bitching or moaning to you about some random crap just say 'yeah whatever, im off to get locked, should be a good laugh tonight' like a real man would. They'll get the picture fairly quick.

Twinkle-star15

You're doing fine the way you are- don't change your personality to try get girls, it won't work.
If you don't like bitching about people just make an effort to stop- you don't have to be overt about it, just maybe change the subject.
If you meet a girl you like, don't try act like some fake idea of a 'real man'- just don't be one of the girls! Girls bitch to girls about other girls, be the one to talk to her about other things- stuff you're both interested in, school, whatever. If ye can slag each other off, that's fantastic.
Most important is just relax! Not everyone's going to like, but there's someone (or a couple of someones ) for everyone. Don't worry about it, just have a good time!

xxx

JackFrosty

Play hard to get, keep a bit of mystery about yourself, when the right girl comes along it will just happen,

Vengeance

thelonewanderer wrote: »

Why can't I get women to see me as more then a friend? Ever since I was mid teens (I am late teens now) I have had many girls as friends and I get on with a good few women. I keep trying. I ask girls out and they seem interested but I always end up as there go to guy to bitch to and get advise from. I never intend it that way and most girls wont believe me when I tell them that I find them attractive. What the hell? When I was 15 I met my first love but my parents did not like it so I had to break up with her (she was my first ever gf and I was really naive so I listened to them) ever since her nothing has really sparked. Not from lack of trying on my side though. Any ideas? Also, how many of you have gotten the just friends speech? it always sound the same!

First off, I recommend you go and find and read a book called The Game, by Neil Strauss. While it is laughed at by a lot of people, it is easy to consciously be more attractive to women... you just need more advice than the usual 'be confident'.

My own situation with women was similar, until I figured out a way to make it work for myself. Then it became subconscious, and after reading that book I realised that you can consciously apply certain things, that I had applied before ever reading it subconsciously.

Social status is important. Therefore if you are always the one saying 'tell me whats wrong...' etc then you're asking the questions, you're doing the chasing, and it's too easy for girls to spot it and give you the Let's Just Be Friends (LJBF) speech.

Go out with a good mix of women and men if you can. Talk to men and women as soon as you enter any social area, and be dominant in it. For example, you can do things like adopt dominant posture, giving false time constraints (I have to get back to my friends in a minute, i'll just ask you a quick question..), and most importantly, negs.

Negs are backhanded compliments: good natured teasing that will lower the other person's self esteem and give you the power in the relationship. When it comes to attraction in any facet of life, be it attraction to a career, money, sex etc... power is the ultimate aim.

Most women want to be with the alpha male, not the beta. It is in human nature to respond more to those who are leaders, not followers.

You seem to have the emotional rapport down pat, which is actually really useful. Do what you're doing, try not to take people that seriously, make jokes, poke fun, but have a heart at the end of it all. That is very important; you gotta have more about you than aloofness, and you seem to be quite interested in people.

If you can get it, have more sex. It will boost your confidence, and make you feel better about the more sexual aspects of relationships.

Finally, watch out for DLV, or demonstrating lower value. You demonstrate lower value when you comply with every statement she makes and never disagree. E.G.

Girl: "What do you think of Mamma Mia?"
You: "I didn't like it much...."
Girl interrupts: "but it was really good! How could you not like it???"
You: "Well, I loved most of it, just Pierce Brosnan isn't my favourite"

The last line is compliance. You hate the film, but you want her to like you so you pretend you like it... and she loses a bit of respect for your independence, subconsciously.

Be aware that this is all subconscious thinking, and that very few women do these things on purpose. When us dudes were all discussing manchester united or doctor who when we were younger, they were discovering how to relate to each other and to men. That gives women an advantage in social situations.

Just keep going out, do your best and you'll find a girl you like. Once you both have really committed, you can let your guard down. Until then, you need to keep the enigma and the smoke and mirrors up, and be somewhat of a mystery to her.

Good luck!

Me to you

When your too nice to girls in there late teens they will tend to put you in the friend zone, and once your in the friend zone you might aswell be her brother - no chance of anything more.

Girls that age like a bit of a chase, they like the thought of working to get the excuse my french asshole to fall for them. All mind games at the early stage really. She text me so i'll wait an hour before i text back as i dont want to be too eager etc....