What to do?

LegacyUser

well i don't really know how to start but i gotta type this out or i'll go crazy...

i was bullied at school both primary and secondary for being big and for being a total nerd. one kind of fed the other, the more bullying i recieved the more recluse and nerdy i would become. i tried ignoring them but that just made it worse. because of this, i never really went out as much and never really had them wild rebellous teenager years.

In college now for four years and it got slightly better, the fat jokes stopped, and the nerdy ones continued but i've lived to deal with them and they don't bother me, as i am doing a pretty nerdy course and surrounded by nerds pretty much all the time and also with the advent of youtube/bebo/facebook etc. there's not as big of a stigma attached to nerdy things as there once was. now i have made some companions in college don't get me wrong, but i don't know if i could call them friends. yes we'll go out sometimes and have a couple of beers, but can't really rely on them for much else.

so im in my final year of college and finally said **** it, i'll go and meet some new people. so i went to some social outings with a new club i joined. they were great fun, meet loads of new people and had a good time. but one of them ended in me having a one night stand. i felt terrible for it, in fact so much so i've blanked the person since (happened about 3 months ago) in a vain attempt to help me forget about it, and we've seen other since. i always thought i wasn't the kind of guy that would play with a girls emotions like that but i became what i ****ing hated.

from these social outings i've gained two really good friends who are in turn really good friends as well.

girl 1 is very nerdy like me and we get on like a house on fire. we went out once and it didn't work out. now here's my stupidity kicking in. i took this terribly, i can't stop thinking ahead in my life, so when this girl asked me out, i was looking like 4-5 months down the line in terms of the relationship. there was a period of about a month i didn't talk to her, and generally sulked like a child in her presence. i finally kicked sense into myself and got over it.

the other girl (girl 2) is again quite nerdy but not as much as girl 1, have to admit at first i wasn't attracted to her, but then again i was drunk when i met her for the first time. after the first meet we gradually got email/texting/instant messaging and talked constantly on a daily basis. at the time she was single and knew what i was going through above, she knew exactly the right things to say and made me feel so happy. she was actually the only person i've told about everything i've written above. things in texts were quite flirty, i won't go into details but you know yourself...i knew secretly that she liked me but i didn't read the signs. we both have a hobby in common and she would drop hints like "ohh i'm terrible at it, i need you to help me become good like yourself".

so anyway awhile back 5 of us (included the above two girls) from the social group went away on a small weekend trip. it was fun, good times were had. one night i walked girl 2 to her room, i wanted to kiss her but couldn't, i knew she had gotten back with her ex and did not want to become once again like the guy i was above doing things i shouldn't.

so we got back from this trip and i thought everything was fine, except there was no contact from girl 2 for a whole month, nothing nada. i thought i did something wrong, and likewise she did too. we finally got talking again and resumed our flirty messages (which now deep down knew was wrong again as she had a boyfriend). the conversation turned towards a pair of jokey underpants in which two people can fit into. i said "you should buy them and use them with your lucky guy" to which she replied "who?" and i said "boy X" and she said "ahh boy X well kinda, but i'm dont want to go out with him anymore he's not my type". So here's me thinking ok, that's good i may have my chance now.

then she mentioned that she wanted me to kiss her on the weekend away and was shocked that i didn't do it. i told her why and she said ok. now to add another spanner to this she is going travelling soon one of those round the world trips for a year and i'm going to miss her terribly. so i tried asking her out on a date. she gave two reasons why not, 1. boy x, and 2. i think she may think i still have feelings for girl 1. so i told her, that i still had feelings for girl 1 but not in a relationship way, just as a friend and didn't want to see her get hurt (she had been seeing another guy since and had broken up so i was like a shoulder to cry on). girl 2 then went on to say that it would weird us two going out together. i was taken aback by this and pushed for a answer to why it would be weird. she said that no one was going to stop her travelling on this round the world trip thing not me, not Boy x, not no one.

i took this as being that she just didn't want me and was happy just chugging along with boy x until the time came to break his heart. i immedialately turned cold, giving one word good nights and etc. i knew it was wrong but i wasn't going to be all flirty with her now knowing she made her choice. she said to me that she doesn't get me now, being all nice one moment and then cold the next, and i told her why and she understands. this all happened last weekend and we haven't spoken since

the problem is though there is another social gathering next weekend and i've already said that i would go but i'm at a lost at what to do, she'll be there, girl 1 will be there, one night stand girl will be there and possibly boy X will be there.

i haven't been to a social outting since the weekend away due to many circumstances but i'm half thinking now of cutting all contact and becoming recluse again until she leaves for her round the world trip in 5 months time.

i really don't know what to do...

Captain Ginger

Wow, right, I for one think you are looking into this whole situation too much and making a mountain out of a mole hill (no offence).

One night stands happen all the time, so don't let her bother you.

Girl 1 is a friend of yours, end of nothing wrong with that and it's not an issue.

Girl 2 (for less than a better phrase) needs to sh/t or get off the pan, if you asked her out and she said no that's her issue, if you like her as a friend then stay friends with her.

None of these situations are bad enough to warrent you leaving and from where I'm sitting it looks like you would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Best of luck.

Suaimhneach

Welcome to life. Its fun! It's not the end of the world to have a one night stand. Make the best decisions you can and STOP OBESSING, learn to enjoy life! You're doing college now in final year, the way you should have been doing it from day one.

From what I can tell, you've got some quite immature responses to situations but if you can cop on to yourself, which you seem to have done in some situations, you'll survive.

Just have fun!

Snowie

Id recomend going to a counciller man talking through the bullying. I think that had a knock on affect with the way you treat women. I was bullied buy teachers kids friends well people i thuaght were friends etc, and i had similer out look on things... Id also advise you to stop thinking ahead so much and live for today....