Want it to end

LegacyUser

I've had a hard few years and partly due to my personality partly due to others have been in conflicts & made decisions that have led to me becoming isolated and lonely. Have been suffering anxiety and due to bad childhood and losing my partner who I loved very much I seem to have a deep distrust of other people which is affecting my life in a very negative way. Even talking to people now I find hard and get nervous, mouth goes dry etc..

I cant sleep well at night and wake up tossing & turning which is causing me to be a bit irritable, thing is this despite all this my career seems to be going well and I should be happy. I seem to have a bad feeling though that is always with me and I'm starting to get to the stage where I would like everything to end.. I have rang samaratins before, have seen counsellors which only seemed to get me thinking more about the negative stuff so stopped going, tried anti-depressants but couldnt handle side effects. Am hungover today so am worse than usual and think I ruined yet another relationship with a work colleague by kind of coming on to her.... I am a bit of a mess as ye can probably tell but would like to hear some advice on how to get myself together before it gets any worse!

Overheal

knot wrote: »

I've had a hard few years and partly due to my personality partly due to others have been in conflicts & made decisions that have led to me becoming isolated and lonely. Have been suffering anxiety and due to bad childhood and losing my partner who I loved very much I seem to have a deep distrust of other people which is affecting my life in a very negative way. Even talking to people now I find hard and get nervous, mouth goes dry etc..

I cant sleep well at night and wake up tossing & turning which is causing me to be a bit irritable, thing is this despite all this my career seems to be going well and I should be happy. I seem to have a bad feeling though that is always with me and I'm starting to get to the stage where I would like everything to end.. I have rang samaratins before, have seen counsellors which only seemed to get me thinking more about the negative stuff so stopped going, tried anti-depressants but couldnt handle side effects. Am hungover today so am worse than usual and think I ruined yet another relationship with a work colleague by kind of coming on to her.... I am a bit of a mess as ye can probably tell but would like to hear some advice on how to get myself together before it gets any worse!

You HAVE to think about these things, process them, and put them behind you. Otherwise they'll just keep coming back to haunt you. Nobody likes it, but when the dog of life sh!ts on your rug, you have to reach right down there and clean that sh!t up. You know what happens when you leave sh!t on your rug? It stains.

MagicMarker

Overheal wrote: »

You HAVE to think about these things, process them, and put them behind you. Otherwise they'll just keep coming back to haunt you. Nobody likes it, but when the dog of life sh!ts on your rug, you have to reach right down there and clean that sh!t up. You know what happens when you leave sh!t on your rug? It stains.

I think that's the single greatest analogy I've heard in my whole life!

And completely true.

[Jackass]

Overheal wrote: »

You HAVE to think about these things, process them, and put them behind you. Otherwise they'll just keep coming back to haunt you. Nobody likes it, but when the dog of life sh!ts on your rug, you have to reach right down there and clean that sh!t up. You know what happens when you leave sh!t on your rug? It stains.

You sir, should be awarded with some sort of medal / novelty cheque.

OP I know it's tough working through things and I'm sorry to hear about you losing somebody too. This is a difficult time of year though and sometimes we just have to put our heads down and work through the bad times.

Have you tried taking tablets that help you sleep and combat anxiety? Seroquel I think it's called. Speak to your doctor about them.

Also there are anti-depressent treatments with little or no side effects. It's just a matter of finding what course of treatment suits you best. All tablets are different so there are a few to try.

Other than that though I agree that youn have to resolve any issues you have that get you down and work through them, after that you will need to put a plan in place for what you intend to do to recover the parts of your life that are missing.

It's a dificult and sometimes long process, but the worst thing about this type of suffering is when your life gets stagnent. stands still. Some peoples lives stand still forever and they never move on because they just never got the lift or push that they needed.

As soon as you start walking the difficult path of putting things back together, eachday you're one day closer to where you want to be.

Best of luck OP

LegacyUser

I promise this will end hold on in there! I`ve been where you are I understand how you must be feeling please understand that there will come a time where you will experience happiness even more so because you will appreciate it more that most. Try new things, meet new people anything to make you feel alive. Firstly go and see Yes Man in the movies feel inspired by it or find something else to inspire you...keep reinforcing all the small positive things that you see like that parking space that lucky me found near the door or that smile or praise that you got from someone today keep spotting the positives and then there will be more of them..please post here if you need help I`m here I`ll pm my number if you need it never feel like theres no one. Ring the samaritins theres no shame in it and it can only help to clear everything out of your head one night at a time if you need to don`t pressure yourself you are human and will heal eventually.

Overheal

I'm getting bothered now.. Still ticking, Knot?

RossFixxxed

It is a process/path. You have to keep slogging along it for the ultimage gain. I understand how discouraged you can get. It can seem impossible some days, but you have to find things you love doing. For me sometimes it's the Xbox, or it's lashing into the guitar like a lunatic. Going for walks, anything that will bring you some joy in your day.

It IS definately worth it in the long run, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. some days you look at the ground and don't see it and that's ok too. You're not meant to be happy all the time every day, that expectation is just foolish and rampant in today's society. You're also not meant to be miserable all the time. It's a roller coaster. However, maybe try different Anti Ds? some do work and will have less/no side effects. STOP DRINKING, god i've learnt that one the hard way!

Good luck OP, keep on going, and keep us posted, we're poised to help out wherever, and whenever we can!

R

LegacyUser

Yes still ticking overheal - you seem to have a great way with words.
I know that things will improve (hopefully), I think that its the time of year thats getting to me most, went to the doc yesterday who told me I was suffering from major depression & perscribed other andi-d's (effexor) & sleeping tablets but having read up on them seem to be a lot of horror stories about side-effects and getting off them, might hold off a while on taking them and try staying off the booze and getting as much exercise as I can & hopefully will get back on track again & get a plan together for the new year..

RossFixxxed

IGNORE ANY HORROR STORIES ON MEDICATION FROM THE INTERNET. It is NOT the place to get that kind of infomation. You can't trust the rubbish people post on these things.

(I appreciate the irony of this post)

It's best handled by professionals. Good luck knot, keep at it!

AARRRGH

You should make two lists. The first one are all the bad things in your life, and the second one are all the good things in your life.

For example, your bad and good list might look like this:

[PHP]
BAD GOOD

---

---

Personality gets me in trouble Career
Isolated Health
Lonely ?
Anxiety
Bad childhood
Single
Can't trust people
Nervous
Can't sleep
Irritable
Alcohol
[/PHP]

This will allow you to see what is wrong, and what you have going for you. The plan is to slowly remove the bad things, and to slowly add more good things. Again, as this is all written down, you'll be able to see what progress you're making.

The first thing you need to do, and this will solve a lot of the issues you suffer from, is to fix your diet. This means no more alcohol, caffeine or junk food. For about 3 days you'll feel very tired, but take comfort from the fact that this is your body recovering from your alcohol/caffeine/sugar dependency. The tired feeling is a good thing.

People who eat well (and who don't poison themselves with alcohol, etc.) all say the same thing: their moods even out (no more highs/lows) and they feel good about themselves. They also sleep much better.

You then need to join the gym. This will further improve your self-esteem and make you feel physically and mentally good.

These two things alone - good diet and gym - will have a profound effect on your life.

You'll find you'll be able to remove a lot of the bad things on your list, and you'll have added a few extra good things. You will see you are making progress.

I also recommend you start saving some money (people with savings have a more positive outlook on the future) and also start taking better care of your appearance. This means wearing nice clothes, having a nice haircut, and regularly going to the dentist.

All of the above simply require a bit of effort - you don't need outside help to do them.

When you feel you have a better grip on your life, and are feeling a bit better about yourself, I recommend you start some sort of social activity. This can be anything at all - the point is to surround yourself with other people. In my opinion the best thing to do would be some kind of training course. Everyone there will be in the same shoes as you (nervous) and you'll all have a sense of comradery. They will want to talk to you, and be nice to you, so just be nice back. You don't have to be super smooth or anything - being nice and friendly will get you very far when it comes to meeting new people.

In a few years when you're mentally up to it, you can try to tackle some of the serious issues (e.g. bad childhood) but I think your short term goal should be to start feeling better about yourself and your life.

Good luck.

Homer J Simpson

Aarrrgh, that is a very good post you have written there.

Every point you made was accurate.

Well done.