Opinions....

LegacyUser · 19-12-2008 10:11am #1

whats people's opinions on this? get on well with girl from work that i like. on a night out she says to me why havent you asked me out. ask her out few days later, date goes well, have a laugh. on night out she suggests we go out again. so i leave it a week or so, no mention of going out again so i ask her out again, she says yes. night goes well again, she mentions we should go out again, back in work and still no mention of anything a week or so later.

i totally accept the fella should have to do initial chasing, but im also the one who initiates any emails or texts. really get the feeling if i don't mention anything to her or even text/email her, nothing will happen. im not even expecting her to say do ye wanna go out again, but i think if i said nothing to her, she wouldn't even ask what im up to at the weekend. when we do chat its all good, its just that its always me who starts it.

so kinda wondering what people would do in this situation? play it cool and not bother asking her and see does she even make contact? ask her out again? thing is she knows im interested but im not gonna be chasing her all over the place unless im getting something back.

Wibbs · 19-12-2008 10:17am

I would agree with you not overdoing the chase part. In fairness she did instigate the whole thing at the very start. Frankly I would wing it and see what happens.

MagicMarker · 19-12-2008 10:28am

That would annoy the hell out of me tbh. I'd leave her hanging, if she's genuinely interested she'll make a move. If she doesn't then don't waste your time on her.

homerun_homer · 19-12-2008 10:33am

An annoying situation at the best of times let alone in work. If all is well on the dates and you get on great then fine, though that little niggle is annoying.
Go out again on another date and bring it up casually and in a non-confrontational sort of way. Don't let her know it's a big issue with you.

JonnyC · 19-12-2008 10:42am

whattodo08 wrote: »

whats people's opinions on this? get on well with girl from work that i like. on a night out she says to me why havent you asked me out. ask her out few days later, date goes well, have a laugh. on night out she suggests we go out again. so i leave it a week or so, no mention of going out again so i ask her out again, she says yes. night goes well again, she mentions we should go out again, back in work and still no mention of anything a week or so later.

i totally accept the fella should have to do initial chasing, but im also the one who initiates any emails or texts. really get the feeling if i don't mention anything to her or even text/email her, nothing will happen. im not even expecting her to say do ye wanna go out again, but i think if i said nothing to her, she wouldn't even ask what im up to at the weekend. when we do chat its all good, its just that its always me who starts it.

so kinda wondering what people would do in this situation? play it cool and not bother asking her and see does she even make contact? ask her out again? thing is she knows im interested but im not gonna be chasing her all over the place unless im getting something back.

This is the most stupid thing i have heard in a long time. The girl tells you that she wants to go out with you after your second date, why did you not mention the next weekend night there and then. If you want to go out with her make contact (you know she is going to say yes) or else forget and stop writing stupid posts....

vms7ply9t6dw4b · 19-12-2008 10:44am

Its probablly time to throw the gob on her at this stage...

LegacyUser · 19-12-2008 10:54am

cheers for that Nailer....thats already been done.

JonnyC, i know what ye mean, is a bit of a stupid question, but i still don't wanna be chasing her all over the place. good chance she will say yes if i ask her again, but still at this stage, i'd like to feel like there was some sort of interest from her rather than ye sure we'll go out again cause he's interested in me and im not doing anything else!

NextSteps · 19-12-2008 10:55am

So she made the first move, then she told you 'we should go out again'? If I was her I'd be wondering why SHE has to be chasing YOU all over the place!

Don't be playing silly games.

Wagon · 19-12-2008 10:57am

JonnyC wrote: »

This is the most stupid thing i have heard in a long time. The girl tells you that she wants to go out with you after your second date, why did you not mention the next weekend night there and then. If you want to go out with her make contact (you know she is going to say yes) or else forget and stop writing stupid posts....

Probably because he has enough cop on not to be a desperate git and chase her constantly, wrecking his own head and looking desperate to her so that she loses interest and then gets off with some other fella and starts riding him and bragging about the wonderful sex life over the water cooler.

OP, wing it bud.

cantdecide · 19-12-2008 11:05am

There is no calling this one OP. If she's playing games, you need to find out. Maybe she's trying to make a fool of you. If she really like you, she will have to respond to a final blunt approach but one thing is sure- you can't go on like this.

That Girl.. · 19-12-2008 11:08am

This is what girls do! Trust me, i'm speakin from experience..

She probly thinks you're interested but just not as interested as she is and she probly wants to play it cool.

Thats what i did with my current boyfriend, he was always the one to txt first and make the first move etc. but it all turned out well in the end..

Don't leave it too long before ya ask her out again or she'll definitely think you're not interested..

Trust me on this one!

MIN2511 · 19-12-2008 11:40am

That Girl.. wrote: »

This is what girls do! Trust me, i'm speakin from experience..

She probly thinks you're interested but just not as interested as she is and she probly wants to play it cool.

Thats what i did with my current boyfriend, he was always the one to txt first and make the first move etc. but it all turned out well in the end..

Don't leave it too long before ya ask her out again or she'll definitely think you're not interested..

Trust me on this one!

I am a girl and i know this is what girls do too, and it PISSES THE **** outta me....

Ask her out again

Femelade · 19-12-2008 1:12pm

This is just a load of game playing!!
If you like her, ask her out, if you dont , then dont bother.!! jesus , its as simple as that!.
So what if she doesnt ask you , she has made it fairly obvious that she likes going out with you, so why change the way things are going by waiting for her to ask you out..

Madame Razz · 19-12-2008 1:59pm

Actually I don't think this is what girls do. This is what girls do when they are keeping their options open.

And you haven't exactly been particularly proactive either OP, not that I blame you, because I don't see why you should do the chasing, but one must ask the question, if its not really going anywhere particularly fast, shes making no effort and you're taking your time with the whole thing, then really, where is the whole thing going???

LegacyUser · 19-12-2008 2:41pm

if I was the girl, I'd be thinking "i've asked him out twice, and got a non committal response, he's obviously not that interested, why would I lose my dignity asking again" and I would give it up as a lost cause.

If you like her, if you are interested, the ball in is your court. Do something!

St Bill · 19-12-2008 4:33pm

OP, you're both trying to play it cool but as another poster said, the pair of you might end up with nothing if it keeps going the way it is. If you feel like asking her out, ask her out. She gives you the perfect opportunity to ask her out each time, so take it. Leaving things for a week or so has probably given her the idea that you're really not that interested in her though, or that you're going out with somebody else.
Don't try to second guess what the girl is thinking. The only thoughts and feelings you can ever be sure of are your own.

Madame Razz · 19-12-2008 4:41pm

St Bill wrote: »

OP, you're both trying to play it cool but as another poster said, the pair of you might end up with nothing if it keeps going the way it is. If you feel like asking her out, ask her out. She gives you the perfect opportunity to ask her out each time, so take it. Leaving things for a week or so has probably given her the idea that you're really not that interested in her though, or that you're going out with somebody else.
Don't try to second guess what the girl is thinking. The only thoughts and feelings you can ever be sure of are your own.

Too true. My OH asked me out during our 3rd date, which was 2nights after our first date.

Go figure.

Shinjuku · 19-12-2008 6:46pm

I thought the thread title was "onions" for a sec there...

OP do you think this girl has much boyfriend experience? Maybe she's a bit shy or doesn't know what to do.

Vengeance · 19-12-2008 10:55pm

Right, so she sees herself as better than you. Get that into your head first. If you are always initiating contact you are the weaker one in the relationship, because the reliance is on you. She's not aware of this consciously, but girls do this all the time: they have more respect for the jerk than for the nice guy.

So basically, don't pander to her too much, and when you do take her out, don't pay for anything, and move things up a notch. Worst that can happen is the LJBF (let's just be friends) talk.

Make it very clear that you are busy (even if you're not). That will put the onus on her to talk to you.

Good luck.

Dave! · 19-12-2008 11:24pm

I understand the concern OP. Personally I'd ask her out next time, and then at the end of the night invite HER to text/ring YOU when she wants to go out. If she doesn't get back to you then f*ck it, don't bother with her games and move on.

Pyjamarama · 20-12-2008 1:14am

whattodo08 wrote: »

whats people's opinions on this? get on well with girl from work that i like. on a night out she says to me why havent you asked me out. ask her out few days later, date goes well, have a laugh. on night out she suggests we go out again. so i leave it a week or so, no mention of going out again so i ask her out again, she says yes. night goes well again, she mentions we should go out again, back in work and still no mention of anything a week or so later.

Ok this girl is not playing games she just doesn't want to appear desperate! Firstly she made the first move, she said why haven't you asked me out, thus basically saying I fancy you which was putting herself out on a limb considering ye work together and if you didn't ask her out she'd feel pretty stupid.

You have a good time on your first date but you don't arrange to meet again, she has to initiate things again by mentioning that you should go out again. Then and there you should have arranged something but no you waited a week to bring it up. And now she had to initiate a date again and its been a week and you've made no effort to arrange anything. What do you want the girl to do, beg you?!

Look at it from her point of view, she's actually been the one initiating things every time, she probably doesn't think you're that interested if you haven't mentioned anything about going out for a week and doesn't want to risk looking like an idiot by bringing it up again. Ask her out and if you do go on another date and it goes well organise your next date then and there and you won't have any of these problems! To be honest everytime she suggested ye should go out again you could have just said ok lets go to the cinema on Wednesday or whatever and you wouldn't be in this situation. She obviously likes you or she wouldn't keeps suggesting ye meet up. It seems a bit bizarre to me and like you're the one unintentionally playing games leaving her hanging for a week!

andyred · 21-12-2008 12:11am

Was in a similar situation a while back. I initatiated everything, it got pretty old pretty quickly. I brought it up on our 4th date, casually I just said that it was ok for her to ring or intiate a conversation or whatever as I felt I was doing all the chasing and that it didnt appear that she was interested. She got very defensive about this, said she really liked me and walked off to cool down......I never called her again!!! I dont like games.

iguana · 21-12-2008 1:05am

OP it seems from your post that both dates were initiated by her and at the end of the second date she tried to initiate a third which you haven't come back to her on. You are complaining that you are doing all the chasing when the opposite appears to be true.