fallen in love?

LegacyUser

hi all,

I've become besotted with someone I should not have and a couple of weeks back on a night out I sort of acted on it.

I really thought that getting it out would fix it for me, that it was just an ego thing, once I knew I could have them I would let it go, but its made things worse.

Problem is we're both married

I could nor would ever leave my oh. I am miserable, I don't want to feel like this, I feel sick almost constantly, I hate the thoughts of what my feelings for this other person would do to my o\h if they found out.

to make matters worse because of the time of year it is I am going to see this person a lot socially over the next few weeks.

any ideas what I can do to stop myself having these feelings for this person

Wibbs

The thing is you can't stop the feelings. well you can with practice in some ways. What you can do is ignore the feelings or direct them elsewhere. IMHO and it is clearly MHO, I reckon too much nowadays is blamed on feelings as if they are separate from our thoughts and we are slaves to them. I disagree and frankly feel it's a lazy answer. I feel this way therefore I must act in a certain way. I would contend they are just a slightly different type of thought with pretty clear(for the most part origins and processes) and they can be directed by our conscious thoughts much more than we give ourselves credit for.

I would reckon this love feeling happened from simple lust, add in a side order of the everyday lack of novelty and even mundanity that can come with married or very long term partnerships. Look to your husband more. Look to the relationship itself. Try to remember how you felt when you looked at him with the same eyes (and other parts;)) as you find yourself looking at this man. Realise that those new thoughts and feelings are based onlittle but novelty and the frisson of fear that elevates these kind of thoughts. Realise that you had these feelings for your husband too but they were more real as you have a marriage out of it.

OK I could get all "moral" about this and go, "bad person, baaad". That helps no one. Indeed that guilt can make these feelings even harder to ignore as it adds to the danger which is appealing.

Try to redirect them towards the man you were sure enough at one time to make this big commitment to.

Fair enough that's a rambling aresways answer but it may help. Hopefully it does anyhoo.