Attending Psychologists for 5 Years, Only 17

LegacyUser

I've been wanting to post this for a few months now but pure laziness was preventing me. Now It's become too much.

I'm only 17 and i've been attending psychologists on and off for almost 5 years now. It's unreal. I'm now attending another weekly...I'm just so unhappy. I got bullied really badly in both 6th class..then in first year...then second...third...fourth. I was possiby the most outgoing and likeable person in the class up until 6th class. Everyone in the school knew me, I was mad!

Anyways, things have changed dramatically. I'm down all the time, my confidence is completely knocked and I just hate people. I seem to hate everyone now. I don't show it at all but inside I do. Everyone I've crossed paths with has a bitchy element to them and I can't stand it. I've been hurt so badly by so many people. The psychologist I'm attending says I appear very lonely. If she asks me anything I know ill set me off crying I just laugh. This is the technique I've been using for almost a year now. Laughing. My family just think I'm ignorant now when yet It's just because I can't cry. I'm emotionally detached.

I've become so lonely that I texted my ex there during the week. He screwed me over by cheating on me with my best friend during the summer. But yet I texted him asking can he be my friend. Like I shouldn't have lowered myself I know that and he probably thinks I'm desperate now. After all he did though I'd still do anything to get back with him but he lives over the other in Cork now.

I'm doing my leaving cert also this year and my grades have dropped ENORMOUSLY. I was an A/B student and now all my results are E/F. Teachers are constantly coming up to me asking whats going on with me, they're genuinely concerned. It would really frustrate me to go nowhere in life and to do badly after all the crap I've been through. I would hate to see the bullies do better than me. Thing is though, I just can't study with my mind elsewhere. I'm always stressed.

I'm a nice girl I really am. Even though inside I'm really unhappy I try smiling all the time so others wouldn't perceive me to be a moan, looking for sympathy etc. If any of my friends have a problem it's always me they come to and I'm always more than happy to help.

I dunno where this is going. I can't stand my family, they're all so fake and stuck up. They take everything serious and they're just, oh my god I don't even know. The anger running through me as I mention them.

Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out.

JC 2K3

You're doing the LC this year? That means in 6 months time you'll be free. Everything changes in college. You meet new people, most of whom are more mature than in secondary school, you get the chance to partake in new activities and you have much more freedom and aren't confined to the rigid structures of school.

My advice to you would be to focus on your studies for the next 6 months, do a good Leaving and get a course you really want. It also mightn't be a bad idea to consider moving out, perhaps doing a course in another part of the country, if you want a complete change of scene.

6 months might seem like a long time, but it's not in the grand scheme of things. Just hang in there!

K-Bowie

JC 2K3 wrote: »

You're doing the LC this year? That means in 6 months time you'll be free. Everything changes in college. You meet new people, most of whom are more mature than in secondary school, you get the chance to partake in new activities and you have much more freedom and aren't confined to the rigid structures of school.

My advice to you would be to focus on your studies for the next 6 months, do a good Leaving and get a course you really want. It also mightn't be a bad idea to consider moving out, perhaps doing a course in another part of the country, if you want a complete change of scene.

6 months might seem like a long time, but it's not in the grand scheme of things. Just hang in there!

Couldn't put it better myself people will lose alot of contact with each other once college has started, you won't regret it either. Stick it out study and get the rewards!

LegacyUser

join the fca/rdf, its a real confidience booster and great way of meeting new ppl

peanuthead

You understand yourself very well, and you may be unhappy, but you know why. I spent the last 4 years trying to figure that out and Im only getting to it now. Well done. You dont realise it yet, but you are very copped on for your age, and this will serve you well in life.

Even though you are not happy, I can tell by your post that there is a happy girl in there dying to burst out of you, she's just lost in all the mess. The bullies will never do better than you, because you have a much better state of mind than they do, even now!!

Hang in there, go to college, maybe away from home as someone else suggested. Take it as a fresh start, and let the old you back out!!

Good luck

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

Anyways, things have changed dramatically. I'm down all the time, my confidence is completely knocked and I just hate people. I seem to hate everyone now. I don't show it at all but inside I do. Everyone I've crossed paths with has a bitchy element to them and I can't stand it. I've been hurt so badly by so many people. The psychologist I'm attending says I appear very lonely. If she asks me anything I know ill set me off crying I just laugh. This is the technique I've been using for almost a year now. Laughing. My family just think I'm ignorant now when yet It's just because I can't cry. I'm emotionally detached.

I know I find it extremely difficult to verbalize emotional subjects - I'm a thousand times better when writing them down. If it helps to write about your troubles here OP, theres plenty of people available to listen. Where does the hate come from?

cantdecide

I don't know if this will help but I was bullied in primary school and it almost ruined a great deal of my life and really fcuked up my relationships with people, too because I locked my turbulence and paranoia inside. You do get over it and you do move on. I've had several times where I've crossed paths with my aggressors and I've seen them mortified over their behaviour. No one stays the same forever, not even the bullies. Don't become emotionally detached. It feels wrong to be weak with others when your problems are due to others playing on your weaknesses but it is the answer. I suggest you cry cry cry if you can. It will help.

poisonated

Unregistered wrote: »

. Everyone I've crossed paths with has a bitchy element to them and I can't stand it. I've been hurt so badly by so many people.

This part really stood out for me as im a guy and I can completely relate to you even though Im a guy.I too am 17 and have very similar problems,all I can say is that we just have to play the waiting game and wait until college... for now just smile and be happy,find the great things in life,there is so much to see... life is too short for this bullsh*t:D

K-Bowie

poisonated wrote: »

This part really stood out for me as im a guy and I can completely relate to you even though Im a guy.I too am 17 and have very similar problems,all I can say is that we just have to play the waiting game and wait until college... for now just smile and be happy,find the great things in life,there is so much to see... life is too short for this bullsh*t:D

Don't forget its X-mas everyones finishing up for the x-mas holidays now so you can relax and chill