feeling guilty

LegacyUser

hi

i'm a frequent visitor and occasional poster, but prefer to go unregistered for this one

a couple of months ago i was out with the girls in town. after several drinks we went to a night club where i met a man (lets call him alan). we started chatting and were getting on great. at the end of the night he asked me back to his place for more talk and drinks. not long after we got there one thing led to another and we had unprotected sex.

afterwards i made my excuses and left. a couple of days later he started texting me telling me how great that night was and how hed like to repeat it. as it had been a several months since anyone showed me so much attention i responded and texted back. over the next few weeks the texts got more and more sexual which i kinda liked.

anyway my problem is this. what i didnt mention at the start is that i am a married woman of just over a year. things are or were grand at home until a few days ago. being the clutz that i am one morning last week i entered my pin number into the phone wrong 3 times and then the phone asked me to enter my puk code. as i had no idea what to do i gave the phone to my husband to see if he could fix it while i went off to work. turns out he kept all the puk codes for all the phones in a drawer and was able to fix it no prob. anyway he planned to call me at work on my phone to tell me he had fixed it but when he turned the phone on there was a text from alan saying how much he wanted me.

he then went on to read all the other texts. when i came home he confronted me. i admitted everything and told him how sorry i was. he said he loved me but couldn't cope with this and moved in with his brother. the thing is ive now realised how much i really love my husband and totally regret my one night stand.

ive just found out that im pregnant and i dont know who the father is. i love my husband and want him back.
what do i do now. please help me

keane2097

A paternity test seems like a good place to start...

Wibbs

Well at this early stage a paternity test is impractical. First I would make sure you're pregnant. IE go to a doctor and be sure.

Secondly, unless you're not actually pregnant your husband has to find out. This will happen one way or the other unless you want to go through a pregnancy and birth and say nothing. Not a good plan.

The other thing I would be asking is why only you weren't getting enough attention, especially after only a year of marriage?

Karen_*

It looks like you only felt guilty when you got caught but up until then were enjoying the texting and not a trace of guilt over the night.

I would say that maybe its not guilt or love for your husband you're feeling but fear of what's going to happen next. Your marriage is fairly much ruined now as is your pregnancy. And it doesn't sound like you gave any thought to consequences and slept with another man quite easily.

So why did you do it in the first place? Was your marriage happy?

MagicMarker

That's quite the connundrum.

As wibbs said, go to the doctor. If you're pregnant tell your husband. I assume a doctor can tell you how many weeks gone you are? At least you may be able to narrow down the dates of conception which will give you a better idea of who the father is.

There are various outcomes to this...

A) Your husband is the father, due to the circumstances he decides to get back together as a family.
Your husband wants nothing to do with you, but wants to be the father (if he is).
C) He's not the father, doesn't want to be with you and you're a single mother (assuming this other guy wants nothing to do with it)

And of course there is the option of termination.

The fact that you cheated when all was rosy at home is seriously worrying tbh, and then you decided keep texting the guy!!?! All the while carrying on as if nothing happened! That's quite sickening actually.

Personally, if I were your husband (and not the father), you'd never hear from me again.

Cuddlesworth

Wibbs wrote: »

Well at this early stage a paternity test is impractical. First I would make sure you're pregnant. IE go to a doctor and be sure.

Secondly, unless you're not actually pregnant your husband has to find out. This will happen one way or the other unless you want to go through a pregnancy and birth and say nothing. Not a good plan.

The other thing I would be asking is why only you weren't getting enough attention, especially after only a year of marriage?

The post goes, unprotected 1 night stand, some months of text flirting, might be pregnant.

I would think after "some months" a female would have a good indication if she was pregnant.

Jammyc

MagicMarker wrote: »

That's quite the connundrum.

As wibbs said, go to the doctor. If you're pregnant tell your husband. I assume a doctor can tell you how many weeks gone you are? At least you may be able to narrow down the dates of conception which will give you a better idea of who the father is.

There are various outcomes to this...

A) Your husband is the father, due to the circumstances he decides to get back together as a family.
Your husband wants nothing to do with you, but wants to be the father (if he is).
C) He's not the father, doesn't want to be with you and you're a single mother (assuming this other guy wants nothing to do with it)

And of course there is the option of termination.

The fact that you cheated when all was rosy at home is seriously worrying tbh, and then you decided keep texting the guy!!?! All the while carrying on as if nothing happened! That's quite sickening actually.

Personally, if I were your husband (and not the father), you'd never hear from me again.

Aye aye

themadchef

I'm confused as to how you thought things were "grand at home". You had an affair how could things have been grand at home, and if they were why the affair?


Do you really want your husband back? The way I see it you didn't really want him when he was there. You need to take a long look at what you thought marriage meant.

If you do want him back, beg, plead, be honest. Counselling is an option but in all honesty how can he trust you again. He will no doubt want DNA testing on the baby (if i were a man i would).

Can you put yourself in his shoes? How would you feel? How would you react if he had an affair soon after marrying you, and there was a possibility this girl was pregnant. I think if you can try to see things from his angle, then you might, just might, see how difficult it will be to get him back.

funloving

You cheated on your husband and not only for a one night stand but you kept flirting with the other man....

If you love your husband and want his best..stay away from him..he deserves someone better than you!!!

m83

I think you got everything you deserved and have no sympathy for you.

You'll just have to accept the consequences and make do with whatever kind of a life you have left after this fiasco you've gotten yourself in to.

funloving

How could you have unprotected sex with a total stranger?
What if you caught something and passed it to your husband?
Ok..now you've to deal with the consequences of what you have done but at least use your head with your child and be a good mother...


ps:get yourself and your husband tested

Aloysius Flyte

I can empathise with you, given that a close family member of mine was in a similar situation, but I have very little sympathy for you tbh.

Even your title "feeling guilty"! I've seen similar titles and these were people who 'said' something they shouldn't have, but you slept with another person, and continued with sexually explicit text messages without ANY remorse and still maintained that things were 'grand' at home and now is pregnant and doesn't know who the father is?

You don't appear to have any remorse for what you have done. All I see from you is that you've lost someone who you say you love, thinking of yourself, rather than any regret for the pain and suffering that you have caused to the supposed loved one.

There are clearly deaper issues here, why do you have such little self respect that you think that sexual attention equates to love? Why did you commit and promise in front of family and friends (I am assuming here that you had the big wedding thing) and then in 1 years time you go off and sleep with someone else without ANY regret?

Your husband should not take you back the way you are now. But, if you look into why you did what you did with a Professional, then maybe you might deserve him back, but right now, I think he's well rid of you.

Sorry, to be so blunt, but your actions disgust me.