Distant from friends, and sex issues

LegacyUser

Hi,I dont know if there is anything anyone can say to this but I just feel like getting this off my chest because its really starting to depress me recently.

Im a normal social guy ,26 years old, very outgoing and good laugh etc, but Im starting to stray from friends and starting to even feel inferior to them or something, an incident earlier today really wrecked my day.


Basically me and a mate of mine were having a bit of a laugh and I made a jokey comment about him a having a tiny mickey. Just to clarify, Ive never seen it, he knows Ive never seen it and neither of us care, its just something lads have a bit of a laugh about but dont mean anything by it.
He said back quietly "At least I use it". There was nothing I could say because hes right, it absolutely sickened me. And I was gutted that he would just come out with it, despite the fact that my mates never take the p1ss out of me about it. I said nothing , just kinda mumbled sarcastically.

I can attract women but because of one or two 'not getting it up' incidents I've almost a fear of sex. Nobody knows this and I never lie about having sex with women, meaning the likes of my friends are left wondering why I havent had sex with a women in ages despite being with somen. I always have an excuse but its getting out of hand now.

Im always the one without the girlfriend, its been years since Ive went out with someone. All my mates have girlfriends and it really hit home a few weeks ago when on a saturday night, no one happen to be going out and I realised Id nowhere to go to even chill out that night. Just had to stay at home on my own cause they were all spending the nights with their girlfriends/boyfriends.

Dont get me wrong I would not go out with a girl for the sake of it and I do tend to score(kiss) a bit.
But I was seeing a girl for a few weeks a while ago(for example), admittedly I wasnt crazy about her but despite spending 3 nights with her I never had sex with her. Its just the fear of not getting it up made it not worth it.
The reaction I got from the first girl I was with when it happened was absolutely horrible and even told a mutual friend of ours so I couldnt let that happen again.

I kinda feel like the left out child who hasn't grown up if you know what I mean. It was just my mates comment that hurt me today because It sort of confirms that they do think about it leaving me with this uncomfortable distant feeling from them. I even think he felt bad about it later because of the way he was but that probably made things worse in my head.


Sorry I know this is a mindless rant going nowhere but I just had to get it off my chest.
The odd thing is everything Im writing here is the last thing people would expect from me because overall I give off a very confident, happy, funny, very very sociable image.

Stheno

I can attract women but because of one or two 'not getting it up' incidents I've almost a fear of sex.

OP this is what I took out of your post tbh.

First off do you masturbate without any problem?

if you do, then is it possible that these couple of incidents have happened when you have been drinking? It's not unusual you know?

Also have you had any relationships with women at all? Even just getting to know them?

Pub07

You've built this problem up so much in your head now I think it'll be extremely hard to overcome psychologically. You are avoiding getting into a situation where you might have sex and if you did get into such a situation the pressure and anxiety would make it very hard for you to get it up. A trip to the doctor is in order imo, I imagine he'll prescribe you something like viagra which is for guys who are unable to get/sustain an erection not only due to medical reasons but also psychological ones. I think this is your best bet, I had a similar problem for a period last year although in my case I was unable to do the business because of extreme amounts of alcohol lol. Trust me, today's impotence medication was designed with your problem in mind and is very potent stuff, if you see or even think of anything that is even slightly arousing you are 100% going to have an erection to be reckoned with within 10 seconds. After using it only a few times I imagine you'll feel way better psychologically when it comes to sex and you won't even need it anymore - basically youre condition will have been successfully treated.

Some people might say if you find the right woman and she's willing to wait and make you feel comfortable blah blah blah.....fair enough but Id say most of the women out there will not be too impressed by a guy who cant do the business when it matters and will write you off as a potential boyfriend straight away. And to pre-empt the argument that if they write you off so quick they are not worth it anyway, Id have to disagree, these are mostly decent women whose attraction for you will just drop several notches if you fail to perform. They find confidence attractive and there is nothing that knocks your confidence down like failure to get it up.

I'm not offering medical advice, I'm advising you to go to the doctor, and seek treatment for your condition which is impotence. Best of luck with it.

petethebrick

Unregnosex wrote: »

It was just my mates comment that hurt me today because It sort of confirms that they do think about it leaving me with this uncomfortable distant feeling from them.

You're overreacting...You slagged him off saying he had a small dick and he just slagged you back...I'm sure there was no seriousness behind it. You said yourself that's the way lads joke about. Trust me - proper friends don't judge each other on the amount of female action they're getting. I have far more respect for some of my friends who hardly ever get laid compared to some who are riding away every weekend (nothing to do with the sex btw). What do you care what other people think anyway. As regards not getting it up - It's a simple confidence issue I think ( I could be wrong!). I'm not sure what advice to give...just try to take the pressure of yourself (easier said than done I know)...good luck^^

LegacyUser

I'm 10 years older than you and in the same boat....

I have had successful times in the past but it's been a while now and I'm kind of back in the same boat.

Go see your doctor as it's all in your head. Get it sorted now rather than spend the next 10 years in the same state - as the person earlier posted, the doctor might be able to prescribe some pills to give you that confidence .

1. If One Night Stands don't suit you then don't go there
2. Don't have sex while drunk
3. Don't go with girls you don't fancy
4. Avoid porn and **** for a while (seriously, you bring yourself back to reality and stay away from the fantasy and regain power) - you'll be rubbing yourself up against the wall before you know it.
5. Get used to using condoms - learn how to put them on

And btw, try not to take sex too seriously - it's meant to be fun and enjoyable.

As for what women will think, well, I try to only sleep with womenI like and I have in the past.
On One Night Stands,the whole point is shagging so if you aren't going to do well, then it's better to avoid them.
But, if you're with someone you like and you are open with them, it's easier to deal with and you can take a lot of pressure of yourself.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice , Im going to see a doctor about it so because although your right, it is all in my head, ive let it go so far that Im gonna need some help.
As for the friends thing, I know theyre not judging me or disrespecting me and I know he was only joking but I guess it just reminded me that they probably wonder why Im not with women. Id nearly prefer if they just took the p1ss out of me casually every now and again rather than it not be mentioned at all.