getting text message off my immediate supervisor

LegacyUser

hey

i work in a mostly male environment. I get on grand with this, but recently my immediate supervisor text me asking me out on a date. I was a bit shocked, but i didnt know his number and thought maybe it was someone having a joke, so i just ignored it. But i checked his number the next day in work and it was him.
anyway i tried to pretend it never happened, but everything is so awkward...not helped by the fact we sit pretty close to each other. I would have put it down as stupidity on his part, but he has since sent me other text messages very late at night (like 3/4am) obviously drunk and asking me what im doing?
I ignore them all, tho i know i should tell him where to go, but im quite a shy person and im worried if he takes it bad things will get worse. I dont know how he could have gotten an idea i was interested - the only time i speak to him is regarding work things, and i never gave him my number. He got it cos he is my supe and so has access to those details.

I dont know what to do...usually if there was a problem in work, he is the person you're meant to discuss it with. All the other managers are male and id feel so stupid telling them this. Im also worried that maybe the other guys will think im a stuck up b*tch if they did find out...cos my supe is sort of regarded as 'one of the lads'

any advice please?

[Jackass]

If you don't want to confront him directly, maybe text him back next time it happens.

Just say you're not interested. I'm sure he would be too embarressed to say it to you after. I think burying your head in the sand is not the way to go though, one way or another you have to confront it as the texts could become more frequent or of a lesser tone or something and just make the whole thing worse.

Also, he's the one who should be emmbarrsed not you so don't be afraid to go to other managers if you feel you have to. Or even HR if there is one in your company. Be aware though that he may get disciplinery action from it and probably would be better to sort it out with him directly for everyones sake.

jhegarty

have you got a hr deparment ?

Moonbeam

Maybe someone else could have sent it from his phone?

AARRRGH

Two problems -

1. Get him to stop texting you
2. Get rid of the awkwardness

I think what he is doing is wrong, but you are handling the problem badly. Ignoring his drunk texts is fine, but you shouldn't have ignored his date text.

You need to talk to him about this, either by text or face to face. It sounds like you'd prefer to do it by text, so what you could do is reply to his next drunken text telling him "Is this [his name] from work?! Sorry I have only seen your text now as I was asleep when you texted!"

At least you've now restarted communication.

If he then asks about meeting up or going on a date, reply saying "Thanks for the offer, I'm flattered, but I don't think work romance is a good idea! So I have to say thanks, but no thanks!"

Basically, keep it friendly, but honest.

jobucks

TBH I would go straight to HR, as a supervisor he should be well aware that what he is doing is out of order and he seriously had no business getting your phone number from the company files or wherever he got it.
Sure its sweet that he has a crush and you prob don't want to hurt his feelings or get on the wrong side of Mr. popular but if you don't nip this in the bud whats to stop him getting your home address from the files and turning up at your place one night after a few beers instead of the usual drunken text. Speak to someone in HR and nip this in the bud now.

AARRRGH

Surely it's better to try to resolve the issue with the person before running to HR?

jobucks

AARRRGH wrote: »

Surely it's better to try to resolve the issue with the person before running to HR?

Maybe ... I think that would be down to personal preference. In this case I would view at as pretty serious that he took her phone number from the company files for anything other than work. I would prefer to go straight to HR tell them that he has been texting me and that he got my number from the company files. HR may then advise you to try and sort it out between the 2 of ye, but at least you've gone on record and the chances of a he said/ she said scenario are reduced. I guess its just what I would do and probably what I would advise anyone in that situation to do.

kippy

AARRRGH wrote: »

Two problems -

1. Get him to stop texting you
2. Get rid of the awkwardness

I think what he is doing is wrong, but you are handling the problem badly. Ignoring his drunk texts is fine, but you shouldn't have ignored his date text.

You need to talk to him about this, either by text or face to face. It sounds like you'd prefer to do it by text, so what you could do is reply to his next drunken text telling him "Is this [his name] from work?! Sorry I have only seen your text now as I was asleep when you texted!"

At least you've now restarted communication.

If he then asks about meeting up or going on a date, reply saying "Thanks for the offer, I'm flattered, but I don't think work romance is a good idea! So I have to say thanks, but no thanks!"

Basically, keep it friendly, but honest.

I'd agree with this method of dealing with it.
Going straight to HR wouldnt be a great way of dealing with this at this stage.
If the above doesn't work then approach HR but give the guy a chance to back off.
Kippy

tk123

Ah and I bet he's in PI now - 'I really like a girl in work with but I'm her boss what should I do???' If it happens again at 3am pefect - just txt him back saying your BF is a light sleeper and got woken up by the txts so pls stop. Job done. I don't get from your post that it's sleezy or he's trying to freak you out - he obviously only has the nerve to ask you when he's drunk so i'd let him down gently.

chessman

Unregistered wrote: »

hey

i work in a mostly male environment. I get on grand with this, but recently my immediate supervisor text me asking me out on a date. I was a bit shocked, but i didnt know his number and thought maybe it was someone having a joke, so i just ignored it. But i checked his number the next day in work and it was him.
anyway i tried to pretend it never happened, but everything is so awkward...not helped by the fact we sit pretty close to each other. I would have put it down as stupidity on his part, but he has since sent me other text messages very late at night (like 3/4am) obviously drunk and asking me what im doing?
I ignore them all, tho i know i should tell him where to go, but im quite a shy person and im worried if he takes it bad things will get worse. I dont know how he could have gotten an idea i was interested - the only time i speak to him is regarding work things, and i never gave him my number. He got it cos he is my supe and so has access to those details.

I dont know what to do...usually if there was a problem in work, he is the person you're meant to discuss it with. All the other managers are male and id feel so stupid telling them this. Im also worried that maybe the other guys will think im a stuck up b*tch if they did find out...cos my supe is sort of regarded as 'one of the lads'

any advice please?

its harassment full stop,your details are not for his personal use,stop this guy in his tracks by any means necessary or it might get worse,texts at 3a.m. are no joke and if you show them to his boss he should be in big trouble,TELL HIM THIS.

Mr. Presentable

It's inappropriate if it's unwanted. Given that you are unhappy to be receiving his texts, you need to tell him. Then he'll stop and everything will be OK again. Or he won't and you'll have a solid reason to complain over his head.

CSC

One of the managers I used to work alongside got sacked for taking details from an employee's file for personal use. As previous posters have advised go to your HR representative immediately.

amdublin

I would not go to HR first.

Any work problem I would try sort with the person first. Obviously if that does not work then you would need to go higher (poss. to HR at that stage if you really felt it was neccessary).

My first suggestion would be do nothing.......unless he texts again. Like you would imagine that he has got the message at this stage when twice he has got no replies.

If you want to do something; I would suggest text back saying (politely and friendly) no thanks, that you don't go believe in going out with work people but thanks anyway. Plus maybe say you'd prefer if he did not text you again unless it was re. work.

AARRRGH

chessman wrote: »

its harassment

I disagree.

nipplenuts wrote: »

It's inappropriate

I agree.

321654

Some of my workmates have been trying to stir up trouble sending one of the girls at work text messages like that from another lads phone whenever we're out for a pint.

I hope its not you

Kind of highlights the failure of the whole texting instead of talking racket.

pwd

polite clear refusal by text message in response to his next one if there is one is the best I think.

Something like:

Thank you I'm very flattered, but I don't feel that way about you, and I'd feel uncomfortable meeting someone I work closely with. Hope you are keeping well anyways.

and sign it. Hopefully that would be the end of it. I wouldn't mention it at work or to any of your colleagues unless there's real reason to. If he's a fairly normal type of person he'll probably forget about it and appreciate your discretion and candidness. If he's a weird type or an asshole and there are problems then you can demonstrate later that you politely and clearly refused him and therefore you aren't in the wrong.

doolox

Harassment is defined as unwanted communication. You need to tell him to stop. Message is best as you have then got a record to show higher authority if needed. Then if he continues with 3am messages he is harassing you and liable for the consequences.
Get advice from someone you trust in the company if it is big enough.
you could also get to talk to your employee rep if the company is big enough to have one. You do not necessarily have to file a complaint at that stage and the rep is ethically and legally obliged to keep all discussions secret. Your boss won't know until you file a complaint.
Keep all messages received as evidence if needed for future use.

Hanley

How gutless are you people who are saying go straight to HR??

Have some guts and just say no thanks to his face(or via text, whatever). If it persists, then fair enough, go higher. But ffs don't try to get the guy fired because he thinks you're pretty!!!!

Not directly talking to you OP, but just to the general sentiment in this thread.

Scribble1

This situation happens daily to women AND men in all work environments. If you can get your seat changed - it could help. Sitting in close proximity is not a good idea henceforth.

From personal experience, confront in a secure but private place the party carrying out the harrassment. Be straight forward and polite eg. "I am receiving texts, messages, post (whatever) from you conveying a personal request/interest in seeing me outside of work. I am not interested and am asking you to discontinue this type of communication. I know you will appreciate that if these calls, messages etc. continue, I will have no recourse but to go to personnell." Usually they stop-however keep a record of the conversation (what you say - what the other party says) the time, where, etc. If the other party does not agree or agrees and then continues the harrassment...you gave them fair warning and now need to escalate the matter by making an appointment with your supervisor or in this case, HR Department. Bring all documention to your meeting. Understand that this matter may take awhile to be sorted - ask HR to arrange your seating to be moved in the meantime. Not all cases end in the victim's favour, especially if the other party is considered more valuable to the firm. Take it one day at a time.

Firetrap

I think you should talk to him first about it. Ask where he got your number. Tell him in whatever manner you think is best that you don't want him to text you anymore. If he keeps it up, get onto HR (if there is HR in your workplace) or to his manager. Depending on the situation and what he's like and how harassed you feel, I wouldn't dash off to HR straight away. These things can grow legs.