Why does he keep coming back?

miss_shadow

I'm baffled at my ex. We were going out, on and off alot (he'd always call me maybe a week or month or so later and we'd get back together), for about a year and a half. Things came to a final head just after christmas '07, i thought we had a mutual understanding to stay very far apart from each other. But yet again, about a week ago he contacts me out the blue and we met up. I came to the conclusion that the relationship had run its course and told him so, but he is still texting me, i did ask at this point why he made the decision to contact me and he said something like that he wanted to hang out with nice people?! He also asked about my love life which made me think he was back because he was still interested! I just don't know what to think. Does it sound like it is too hard for him to Let go? Any guy's here been in the same boat as my ex? Anyway i now have been feeling a tiny tiny bit upset (you know when you just break up with someone) its almost like i'm reliving the breakup. Why does he insist on bringing up old wounds.

MagicMarker

Why do you insist on responding to him?

Don't reply, ignore him, forget about him and he'll eventually do the same.

SarahSassy

Cos you are letting him? Its a quite simple case of wanting what he cant have or more specifically the challenge of seeing how many times he can win you back and dump you.

You are an ego boost for him and his play thing. I am sorry for being blunt but the only one hurt here is you... Have some self respect and ignore him the next time he comes calling between girlfriends...

MIN2511

My ex and i did that in the last two years of our relationship and it was really bad..

Make up sex would always be good but you have to look after yourself first(your emotions).

Can you IGNORE all texts and calls from him? He'ld get the message after 3days.

LegacyUser

he only comes back because he wants the reassurance that someone wants him - and you feed that by responding to him. truth is once he finds someone else with the mildest of interest you'll not hear from him again till she dumps him.

I know I did this for years to one poor girl, I did love her at one point but long after I had stopped I used to call her up because I knew she'd respond ( often even when she had a new interest ). I did it to make me feel better nobody else.

You can't blame him we all need to feel loved - but you need to stop him by stopping responding ( I dont mean to texts I mean responding to him emotionally )

miss_shadow

Some good insight here.thanks. he won't be hearing from me again!thats for sure.

MIN2511

2 tips for you

1. Don't delete his number-some people might argue that you may be tempted to text him when you are drunk. But all you need to do is tell yourself how you don't need him.
2. Don't reply to texts, my ex would text me saying "I saw the girl in xxxx movie, she reminds me of you" then i would reply-very stupid of me!

jdivision

he's texting you for sex basically. Everything else is smoke and mirrors

cantdecide

Maybe it's just cos I'm wet as a haddock's bathing suit but once I love someone, I never completely stop and forget about them after the romantic proceedings have ended. Could it be that he genuinely just cares for you now and is interested in you?? A lot depends on his character but only you would know that...

implausible

MIN2511 wrote: »

My ex and i did that in the last two years of our relationship and it was really bad..

Make up sex would always be good but you have to look after yourself first(your emotions).

Can you IGNORE all texts and calls from him? He'ld get the message after 3days.

I was the same. Myself and my ex had the most drawn-out breakup as a result. Only really managed to cut loose emotionally when he stopped contacting me. I always denied that I still had feelings for him and that it was just casual, but I only realised how much we had stopped each other moving on after about 3 months of not hearing from him. Then all I felt was relief.

You have to be harsh here for your own good and his and stop replying to him. Explain if necessary, but if you do, be prepared for a lot of texts from him, he'll probably not agree with you.

good luck

MIN2511

cantdecide wrote: »

Maybe it's just cos I'm wet as a haddock's bathing suit but once I love someone, I never completely stop and forget about them after the romantic proceedings have ended. Could it be that he genuinely just cares for you now and is interested in you?? A lot depends on his character but only you would know that...

huh????


OP, you know your ex... Same **** different day!

cantdecide

MIN2511 wrote: »

huh????

Excuse me, did I interrupt??

Wibbs

OK folks back on topic. Thanks

Wibbs

In verrrrrrry broad strokes lest I incur the wrath of some.:).....

After a serious relationship, women tend to contact exes for emotional support, men tend to contact exes for sexual support. If a guy splits from someone for the usual reasons, all things being equal he'll usually be happy if the woman suggests keeping the nookie going. If a woman splits with a guy the first thing to go is the nookie, but if the guy suggests that he's happy with "friendship" she'll tend to go for that. IME more women use the "lets be friends" speech and mean it than men.

OK I work this general principle as a guy; If a woman who I'm sexually attracted to and has split up with me, is not giving me the contents of her pants, then I'm not lending my support, an ear or a shoulder to cry on. I would advise the female version should go; if the guy I'm sexually attracted to and has split up with me isn't lending support, an ear or a shoulder to cry on then the contents of my pants are not on offer.

Commitment in a sexual relationship involves both. If you have one without the other you are either a fúck buddy or a friend. If I want more I demand more. Simple as that. I would work that angle OP. If he wants the good then he takes all of you, warts and all. If he doesn't? Well than scrape him off.