Hopelessly in love.

LegacyUser

Despite the cheesy title, this is something that has been putting me under quite a bit.

To keep a long story short, Its must be about a year and a half since i broke up with my last girlfriend, and can not fully get over her.

i have flirted and made out with a few people since then, but nothing more than a few hours that night sort of thing.

I cant distance my self from my EX, or more i just don't want to, because we are still VERY close friends, and losing that friend ship is the last thing i want to do.

I can't feel the same way for anyone else as i do for her, i cant tell her how i feel about her, or at least not right now as she is on the verge of a new relationship and me saying anything now, or during what comes next from that, would be bad on my part tbh.

I dont know what else to say other than, help?

Thanks.

Karen_*

You're going to have to help yourself I'm afraid. Its SO hard to break ties with someone when they're a big part of your life but it is the only way to move on. Your feelings are not going to go away and things will just get worse for you. Its a good friendship but its not the only friendship you'll have. People will come and go in your life and sometimes when they go it will be painful. Minimise the hurt by letting go asap. Or stay kicking around in your pain. You've only got two choices at the moment. You may be able to be friends in the future. But not now.

Colonel_McCoy

Think you will have to cut contact or else you will never get a chance to move on.

MagicMarker

Yep, sorry to yell you my friend, but you've wasted the last 18 months of your life by clinging on to your ex.

If you want to waste the rest of your life, then by all means remain friends, but it will bring you nothing but hurt.

LegacyUser

Hmm, sad but true i guess.
I think i'll have the think this over.

A loss in friendship would be a hard knock to both of us.
Thanks for all your advice.

RedXIV

Truth hurts but above posters are right. Distancing yourself is the only way because no matter how disciplined you claim to be, hanging around this girl will only serve to remind you of your time together and forbid the flame of hope to extingush. if you REALLY REALLY want to save the friendship, about the only thing i can think of is telling her and hope she understands that you won't be around for a while.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi OP. I really feel for you because I know what you are going through from having had same experience as myself. 18 months ago before I came to Ireland in May 2007 from Latvia. My long term boyfriend of 3 years broke it off and I was devastated of course but I decided that a change was needed so I moved here to Ireland by myself for a fresh new start and avail of new opportunities. The first couple of months were very tough on me as I was new in the country knowing nobody and I just started a new job for a catering company. I kept reminding myself that this was my clean break that I needed.

After 2-3 months I started to open up and made friends through work. I just opened up and for the next 12 months I just let my inhibitions go and let my hair down. I went wild, partied, yes slept around but for me it was what I need to get the initial memory of heatbreak from my mind. In the old relationship I felt restricted but all of a sudden I was free to do as I wanted. Now I feel a million times better and I am now with someone that I love (irish guy). To the heartbroken guy I say this to you, cut all contact and allow yourself to heal. You will thank yourself in the end. A change in lifestyle perhaps is also what you should do. Get out and take up different activities to get your mind of this girl.

In time, give your heart time to heal and you will meet someone new.

LolaLuv

I agree with the above posters, but might add that if you can't cut ties then you really must tell her how you feel. This limbo you've constructed for yourself isn't doing anybody any good.

Kidchameleon

Hi,

Could it be that she is on the verge of a new relationship that its worse now for you?

Good Luck!

LegacyUser

Did you break up with her and what was the reason for your breakup?

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

To keep a long story short, Its must be about a year and a half since i broke up with my last girlfriend, and can not fully get over her.

Mainly because you don't want to. This continued one sided thing is giving you some sort of emotional reward or you wouldn't still be doing it.

I cant distance my self from my EX, or more i just don't want to, because we are still VERY close friends, and losing that friend ship is the last thing i want to do.

OK I would say that you may have been very close mates, but you're not now. It may seem like you are, but if you're still holding a torch for her then the friendship is on a massively different footing. IE not a friendship. On her side?.....

I can't feel the same way for anyone else as i do for her, i cant tell her how i feel about her, or at least not right now as she is on the verge of a new relationship and me saying anything now, or during what comes next from that, would be bad on my part tbh.

I would put a fair few quid she knows. If you were/are as good friends as you say and she has any emotional sense she knows. Your demeanor will give the game away and women are generally very good (or at least better than most men) at picking this stuff up. Now she gets the ego boost of knowing or she may feel guilty and think that having you around is good for you as a support. Big mistake on her part.

I dont know what else to say other than, help?

OK you've two choices pretty much. 1) Break contact. Move on. Wish her well. Let her go. You won't start healing until you do. You've wasted enough time so start today. 2) Are you quite sure she wouldn't be up for another crack of the relationship whip? Don't sweat what she might or might not be starting with someone else. Not your problem. Grow a spine and tell her. It's not selfish if it's what you want. Being overly passive may well be why she gave you the heave ho in the first place. It's better to be upfront and find out what's what. If she blows you out or comes back with the "not sures" I refer you to option 1.

LegacyUser

Just to respond to some questions.

Kidchameleon: I was thinking that earlier, i think that might be a big factor to be honest. The type of thing that would ease/pass with time.

Other unreg user: It was a mutual decicion because of distance.
At the time we were both busy durning the week and had little to no money to get to each other durning the week end. So we decided that it would be best to call it off. Not with intent of trying again, but with both of us being open to the idea.

We're still very far apart and expensive two hour journey away.


I guess i should have mentioned all that at the start as well.
Its pretty delicate i guess.

LegacyUser

Don't let her get away. Tell her and go for it. Seriously, you have to try. Go down fighting I say. Nothing worse than regret.