Workplace problems/ issues

stevie.enright

Hi folks,

An issue which is causing me some anguish of late and hopefully someone may be able to advise me on.

I'm a fella in my mid 20's and changed jobs in November last year. I work in a large open plan style office with a considerable number of different departments. I am naturally a quiet and reserved fella. It must be said that I get on petty well with the very most people in my department and at this stage would know quite a few people in other departments to chat to in the canteen and when meeting them around the office.

In the last few weeks everybody moved floor and there are new seating arrangements on the new floor. I am now sitting across from a fella who I never particularly got on well with...well maybe thats not the best way of putting it. Never had words with him or the like, its a lot more covert than that, we just never really hit it off great or something. Up until the workplace move I wouldn't have had particular opportunity to chat to him a whole lot for that matter as even though we are in the same department we were sitting quite a bit apart. But there during the last few weeks I tried on numerous occasions to strike up a few words or conversation with him on stuff unrelated to work, for the sake of being friendly, a good neighbour and having a good working environment. He would make no attempt whatsoever to conversate back at all. At best a word or two out of him and at worst nothing too much better than a grunt. He would absolutely never iniatiate a coversation with me unless out of necessity for work purposes. Its not that hes quiet or anything like that. On the contrary, very vocal and even forward maybe. For me it manifested itself a bit yesterday when he sent a funny email (I think that would be offensive to girls) to the rest of the fellas in my department and left me out. At this point I'm saying to myself should I keep my relaionship with him strictly work related and talk to him only on a professional work capacity. I have mentioned the issue to a few friends and they said to hell with him if thats his attitude. While I understand there is an obvious personality clash I don't want to have an ahkward situation where we don't conversate full stop but what is the most ahkward situation for me right now is trying to converste to this fella full stop.

There is another fella beside me who like me is a bit quiet and likes to just get on with the work even moreso than me perhaps. He would not conversate a whole lot either but to be fair to him he would chat away to you if you started a conversaion with him. I even see that the firstly mentioned fella has a bit of an atttitude with this fella also but to a much much lesser extent than me.

Also worth mentioning that I'm not particularly a "one of the lads" type fella. Not really into sports much as a lot of fellas at work seem to be. Having said that though I sincerely don't think I come across as gay or anything and would have other healthy enough interests such as music, cars, technology and gadgets, socialising etc. I do tend go take things to heart though, probably a lot more than I should, such as the incident I mentioned which happened yesterday for example.

Anyone got any opinions on whether I just continue to try to build up a raport with this fella or make myself completely reduntant in light of what I said and keep our relationship entirely work related as necessitates, or any other tips and pointers greatly appreciated also.

MagicMarker

I think you should keep things entirely work related.

I don't think him sending the email to all the lads except you is a big deal really, you say yourself you two never really talked. He probably sends emails all the time to everyone except you, the only difference is now you're sitting closer.

I work in an office too, I'm the new guy in fact. I don't talk to everyone, i'm sure emails are sent between the lads in the office but I really don't care. I'm not there to socialise i'm there to work.

I would just leave him be, you're both in a new seating arrangement, don't try and force anything. Time will probably do it's think and you'll both eventually build up a rapport naturally.

Sir Oxman

I don't think you should even expect to be included in his email distrib list as you already say you've never basically got on so why would you be upset that he hasn't sent you a stupid email?

Heart of your problem, IMO is that you take things to heart too easily (as you said yourself)
This blows up ridiculously petty things into big issues - in your head only.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice folks and much appreciated. I wouldn't particularly be inclined to make an issue of the email on its own if it was a one of issolated incident but all told it is a culmination of things and I was just using it as an example. Such things do kind of cause a feeling of isolation a wee bit for me particularly as he would be a sort of gangleader type fella in the department (again covert) and would definately be one of the most vocal. For example if there was a conversation going on between 3 or 4 of us he would be the type that would butt in if I was saying something. If he does this with other people also I am unsure. Maybe, maybe not but can't say I've taken any notice. As such I would be afraid he may alienate me he rest of my work group through such actions.

I would strongly be of the opinion that I'm at work to work also and wouldn't view it as a social gathering but there is a lot to be said for a friendly working environment and think that if you spend the bones of 8 hours upwards a day sitting across from the same person you should at least be friendly and somewhat talkative to that person. At the moment its an ahkward and unsettling atmosphere, well for me anyway. It doesn't cost a whole lot in terms of time or effort to have a few friendly words with your workmates from time to time all the same and think its good for morale in a team based work environment.

stevie.enright

Thanks for the advice folks and much appreciated. I wouldn't particularly be inclined to make an issue of the email on its own if it was a one of issolated incident but all told it is a culmination of things and I was just using it as an example. Such things do kind of cause a feeling of isolation a wee bit for me particularly as he would be a sort of gangleader type fella in the department (again covert) and would definately be one of the most vocal. For example if there was a conversation going on between 3 or 4 of us he would be the type that would butt in if I was saying something. If he does this with other people also I am unsure. Maybe, maybe not but can't say I've taken any notice. As such I would be afraid he may alienate me he rest of my work group through such actions.

I would strongly be of the opinion that I'm at work to work also and wouldn't view it as a social gathering but there is a lot to be said for a friendly working environment and think that if you spend the bones of 8 hours upwards a day sitting across from the same person you should at least be friendly and somewhat talkative to that person. At the moment its an ahkward and unsettling atmosphere, well for me anyway. It doesn't cost a whole lot in terms of time or effort to have a few friendly words with your workmates from time to time all the same and think its good for morale in a team based work environment.

LegacyUser

Steve my advice is let it be don't try too hard with this guy as he is negative with you The world is full of all types some nice some not so
Dont sweat the petty things and
Dont pet the sweaty things
P.S. There is no such word as conversate the word you are needing is talk or if you must just converse
Pat