I don't know what's wrong with me

LegacyUser

I'm not sure what to write or how to explain seen as I don't know what is my problem... I just feel like I have to get it out somewhere

Basically, i don't think i've ever been so happy with life before, I have a wonderful boyfriend and my first year in college is going great.
But, I am so utterly upset at the same time and I don't know why. I am so terrified that I will lose everything I have.

I have very low self esteem and am really really shy. I find it really hard to express my feelings to anyone, I dont want to burden them with my thoughts.
I guess I'm not a very secure person either, I easily feel outshadowed by my friends or nearly anyone. I get jealous easily, every other girl i see, is a potential threat to me, i always feel so ugly and small and in the background when with anyone who's prettier than me, or who is very flirty and outgoing. I don't know why, because I really do trust my boyfriend, and he's always there for me. He knows that I'm shy and embarrassed to talk about anything that bothers me and tries to assure me all the time.
I don't know why I am so insecure, I'm a nice person and once I know someone I'm not really shy at all, i'm not ugly or anything, i've been told I'm really pretty a fair few times.
I just don't know what's wrong with me, how can i be this insecure when I thought i was such an easy going person. I feel like i'm being so selfish or something.

I've never felt so happy, but haven't felt so miserable in ages.

AvaKinder

hey...
think i can pretty much relate to everything you've said up there.
hard as it is you need to find someone you can really talk to either a friend or a counsellor. going to counselling can be intimidating and some people do feel embarrassed about it, but at the end of the day it can really help.
Id recommend Arduna in clontarf if youre in dublin.

on the other hand, if you'd like you can PM me, as I know talking to people face to face can be really difficult.

hang in there.

skelliser

You've said you cant talk to anyone but yet you can tell all on a public forum on the internet!;)

talk to your bf or if thats to hard show him this thread!
i think you worry to much, instead of worrying about the "what ifs" concentrate on the "here and now".

i like this famous poem:
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!




oh and by the way, theres nothing wrong with you!