I destroyed my ex's life, what should i do?

LegacyUser

I found out my wife was cheating on me about 2 years ago. I knew the break up was inevitable and i knew how biased the divorce courts are so i hatched my plan.

I got her to agree to try some coke with me and she liked it (i had only done it once or twice before)! We did it a few more times, and I kept telling her all sorts of lies about how "coke isn't really that addictive, as long as it's pure" and stuff like that.

We started having "dinner parties" a lot and i made sure there was a regular supply of coke in the house. It wasn't long untill she started developing a problem. Of course she had me doing it with her so she never complained or anything (the sex on coke is awesome btw.... and yes, once we became drug buddies we started getting on better than ever before!).

She started hanging around with dodgy characters and i knew the break up would be soon. I stopped doing coke (very hard, a lot of will power required. But it wasn't as hard as i found giving up smoking to be).

She didn't even notice as she was hardly ever in the house these days anyway (i always kept some in our bedside locker for when she did come home).

Well eventually she said she wanted to break up.I told her i wasn't gonna let her take my daughter, and she said no. So we took it to court and it all came out about her cocaine addiction and how i was pretty much taking care of the child by myself.

So in the end, i got custody of my daughter and she ended up moving in with her sister. I really feel bad about doing this to my ex wife, but she was gonna move to galway so it was the only way i could get a hand in raising MY child!

She keeps saying how she wants to see her daughter more, and she's clean now, but she still only gets visits. I feel guilty. what should i do?

beth-lou

I think this is one of the most deplorable, disturbing and disgusting PI's I have read in this forum.

You willingly turned your daughters mother into a drug addict. Do you know how much you have damaged your daughter? Have you any idea how destructive the thing that you have done is to your child? How dare you take a responsible, loving parent away from a child and turn them into a neurotic, selfish, self obsessed nightmare.

Ok your wife shouldn'thave an an affair, that was wrong, but what you did is almost beyond belief.

What should you do? You go to your wife and tell her that you would like to see her relationship with your daughter improve. You tell her that you will support her if she goes and gets clean and that you will legally get access equal if she can prove that she is clean for a year.

I feel so sorry for your daughter. Her mother is a coke addict and her father is a manipulative, selfish and destructive man who only cares about himself.

I am seething typing this. It is hard enough for a child to go through the whole episode of a marraige break down, but to lose her mother to drugs at the hands of her father is really something that I can't put into words.

I really hope that your wife can sort herself out. And I hope that you can find some semblance of humaity within yourself to put right what you have wronged. For your daughters sake.

McGinty

tell her the truth, yes you got her onto a coke habit, but she became an addict, you can't force a person to take coke so I wouldn't totally blame yourself but tell her the truth anyway, you owe it to her and yourself, and your daughter, plus find a way of dealing with life's difficulties in a more mature way.

LegacyUser

This is a pretty horrible story but then you didnt force her to take cocaine- she is an adult and made her own decisions so I dont think you can really be held responsible.

If you really feel bad for her then why not offer to help her beat her adiction and get her life back on track- even if its just a passive supportive type role. After all she is the mother of your child, do it for your kid if not for her

Gary ITR

What you did was a very scummy thing tbh. But now she's clean you should do what you can to make her life better and that includes letting her spend more time with her daughter and giving her as much help and support as she needs. You're a fuktard btw

I don't think you should feel guilty..




She started an affair.. and took cocaine.. while being a mother of a child. she made her choices.





Everyone is gonna say you're a bad person but she did cheat and take drugs all by herself. you didn't force it up her nose.

Pat Mustard

You should go on Jerry Springer - maybe he will believe your incredible story. Maybe you'll spin a few shillings out of it as you are at it.

Mountjoy Mugger

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think you should feel guilty..




She started an affair.. and took cocaine.. while being a mother of a child. she made her choices.





Everyone is gonna say you're a bad person but she did cheat and take drugs all by herself. you didn't force it up her nose.

OK. OP said

I got her to agree to try some coke with me and she liked it (i had only done it once or twice before)! We did it a few more times, and I kept telling her all sorts of lies about how "coke isn't really that addictive, as long as it's pure" and stuff like that.

O.P. If you want to continue destroying her life, keep acting like you did in the past. Selfish.

If you have qualms of guilt, good. If you really care for your daughter, allow her mother more access.

beth-lou

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think you should feel guilty..




She started an affair.. and took cocaine.. while being a mother of a child. she made her choices.





Everyone is gonna say you're a bad person but she did cheat and take drugs all by herself. you didn't force it up her nose.

No he didn't force it up her nose, but he lied to her about it's addictiveness to get her addicted. I doubt she would have been introduced to it if it weren't for him. He knew what he was doing.

Too right he should feel guilty.

Colonel_McCoy

Pure evil

John Mason

beth-lou wrote: »

No he didn't force it up her nose, but he lied to her about it's addictiveness to get her addicted.

anyone who doesnt know addictive cocaine is must have living under a rock for the last 10 years.

everyone has the ability to say no.

unless he was holding their child from the top window saying "i will drop her if you dont take the cocaine", he is not responsible for her not being able to form the words "no - feck off"

beth-lou

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

anyone who doesnt know addictive cocaine is must have living under a rock for the last 10 years.

everyone has the ability to say no.

unless he was holding their child from the top window saying "i will drop her if you dont take the cocaine", he is not responsible for her not being able to form the words "no - feck off"

Regardless, he is a nasty, nasty piece of work for plotting what he did and for having total disregard for how that would affect his child. A bad person and an awful parent and I dread to think what kind of husband he was.

I wonder why she had the affair?

the_syco

OP; what do you think the chances of you ever seeing your daughter if you had both never done coke, and that she had split up? Looking at the courts, you know it'd be between slim, and none. She made her choice (the affair), and you made sure it didn't effect you in the long run. What you did was bad, but you fought fire with an atomic bomb. Fallout happens.

SpookyDoll

I really feel bad about doing this to my ex wife, but she was gonna move to galway so it was the only way i could get a hand in raising MY child!

That justifies nothing.

By the way -its both her and your kid.

Your needs are no more important than hers.

She keeps saying how she wants to see her daughter more, and she's clean now, but she still only gets visits. I feel guilty. what should i do?

Hmmm, you seem like the type of person who is quite sneaky in getting what they want. Its like you want more of your own free time now and your Daughter is perhaps curtailing that, aha! Oh...perfect....how handy the Mother is clean now....WHY EUREKA....two birds with one stone....

You're leading us by the nose here OP, fed up with parental responsibility? want to offload inconvenient daughter? why lookee here, handy primary caregiver (one you prepared earlier)...Bobs your uncle...

Its all fine and dandy OP, but dont be trying to dress it up as you feel guilty or you have your daughters best interests at heart.

The only interests you have at heart are your own.

You sound like a sociopath.

beth-lou

the_syco wrote: »

OP; what do you think the chances of you ever seeing your daughter if you had both never done coke, and that she had split up? Looking at the courts, you know it'd be between slim, and none. She made her choice (the affair), and you made sure it didn't effect you in the long run. What you did was bad, but you fought fire with an atomic bomb. Fallout happens.

So, what he did was right. Destroying a childs relationship with a parent is ok, so long as you get what you want? Destroying a person is ok, just so you can get what you want? He would have got access, weekends most likely and an evening a week.

This kind of behaviour is not neccessary. I can't believe anyone could condone it.

Are you all forgetting the child in this? This is massively damaging to her. It shouldn't be ignored.

Celtic67

With all due respect, this sounds like a pretty far fetched story to me. Anyone else agree?

Reflector

well firstly your daughter should be put in foster care as you are clearly not fit to be charged with the safety of a minor and secondly you should probably isolate yourself from the rest of the human population. What a **** thing to do to somebody and the mother of your child no less.

you are a scumbag

Karen_*

Something just doesn't ring true about your post OP. How did you know she'd get addicted and wouldn't be able to stop? Was a bit of a long shot wasn't it? But if its like you say it is then you should give the child back.

beth-lou

Celtic67 wrote: »

With all due respect, this sounds like a pretty far fetched story to me. Anyone else agree?

I would hope so because it's pretty horrendous.

Deadeyes

So what are you going to do when your daughter finds out? You better start making amends before she grows up (I'm assuming she's still young).

RossFixxxed

I like to think i'm reasonable on here but you are a ****ing lowlife. That kid should be taken from both of you. She made some stupid decisions but you cooerced someone into drugs. You're a sham. What will you do if your daughter acts up, put her on heroin.

I hope that poor kid escapes you, you despicable little scumbag. I'm actually very riled. I'm sure the 'kill yourself' poster will get banned, but frankly I see where they are coming from.

Idiot.

Shinners23

The Mustard wrote: »

You should go on Jerry Springer - maybe he will believe your incredible story. Maybe you'll spin a few shillings out of it as you are at it.

I, on the other hand well believe this and find it incredibly upsetting. How could you do that on another human being?.....

jen_23

You had a daughter in the house whilst you were getting high on coke with your wife........... Ya youre the most suitable parent to be taking care of her.

I really hope that this is a far-fetched story as If I don't want to believe there are people as evil and self centered as that in the world.

If not a far fetched story you need serious help. Really you do need to talk to someone about what youv'e done. You should do the decent thing and come clean to your wife. It will have repurcusions but it's the honest thing to do.
If you don't do it for yourself do it for your daughters sake. She needs a mom.

Jesus1222

Did somebody have a gun to his wife's head telling her to take it?

That aside, the details in this post means it would be easy for the other party to identify themselves.

Queencake

Jesus I hope this isn't true. I really do. I felt sick reading it.

If it is...

Then if only for your daughter's sake, give the mother proper visiting rights.

As for those saying as sure it's not your fault...

He got her into cocaine as revenge...He knew exactly what he was doing and he completely facilitating her addiction. The bedside drugs?! Yes, she was naiive and stupid but he was acting as puppet master. He's a disgusting human being. I'm know that's harsh but f**k it it's true.

I don't care if I get banned for this. I really don't. He doesn't deserve any sympathy.

Silverfish

p-flaps, Reflector, Onkle - banned for 7 days for personal abuse / unhelpful posting

Everyone else, no more speculation on whether this story is genuine. All posts in PI are treated as the real unless proved otherwise.

Anti

Bit of a **** thing to do in all fairness. But the truth be told i could imagine myself doing a similar thing in the same situation. The good thing is you have a concience(sp?) and feel guilt about it. Since you got your wife to loose custody of the kid the right thing to do would atleast appologise to her and let her have access to the child.

kjt

Jemery Kyle Show FTW!!!


By the by, if this isn't a troll and your being honest. I really REALLY feel bad for you, but especially for your daughter!!

I wish her all the best and hope this diplorable act hasn't affected her too much!!

LegacyUser

First of all, this story sounds like a load of baloney! but just in case it is true, i think the answer is very simple. just allow your ex-wife a lot of time in bringing up her child. you can't change the past!

LolaLuv

I honestly don't think what you did was that awful either. It was rather devious and disgusting, but no more so than cheating on someone you've vowed to remain faithful to. Sure, two wrongs don't make a right, but they do make it much more difficult to judge. And it isn't like you can force someone to become a coke addict; whoever would believe it isn't that addictive is some sort of moron anyway, and I'm surprised she's made it this far through life. That said, you owe it to your daughter to give her her mother back. Arrange visitation.

Queencake

kjt wrote: »

By the by, if this isn't a troll and your being honest. I really REALLY feel bad for you, but especially for your daughter

Why feel bad for him? That he feels guilty? That he is so messed up that he's capable of doing this to another human being?

Karen_*

Manties wrote: »

Bit of a **** thing to do in all fairness. But the truth be told i could imagine myself doing a similar thing in the same situation. The good thing is you have a concience(sp?) and feel guilt about it. Since you got your wife to loose custody of the kid the right thing to do would atleast appologise to her and let her have access to the child.

Really? You'd really destroy someone and risk them dying of an overdose in the same position? Glad you see the good side of it.

niceirishfella

I dunno, I personally don't like coke. I prefer Pepsi or Fanta.

Queencake

PillyPen wrote: »

I honestly don't think what you did was that awful either. It was rather devious and disgusting, but no more so than cheating on someone you've vowed to remain faithful to. Sure, two wrongs don't make a right, but they do make it much more difficult to judge.

Cheating is a far cry from from setting out to ruin your partner's life. I hate those who cheat but it doesn't create the same vile feeling in my stomach that the OP post did.

Yes the ex wife was naiive but jesus, so are many other people. She's the victim here. She trusted her husband and she wasn't as well informed about drugs as she should be. But she did not deserve this.

davyjose

I think both you and your ex-wife are two very messed up people, OP. Your ex-wife didn't have to cheat or take drugs. It's wrong for people to blame you and not her. Nobody in their right mind would be stupid enough to develop a drug habit with a small child in tow. But you did everything, and more, to nurture this habit, you brought the drug into your lives. So who's worse? TBH, it doesn't matter. It's like trying to decide if it's worse to be beaten up with a cricket bat or a baseball bat. It's still a beating. Neither of you deserve your child, and she does not deserve people like you and your ex.

LolaLuv

Queencake wrote: »

Cheating is a far cry from from setting out to ruin your partner's life. I hate those who cheat but it doesn't create the same vile feeling in my stomach that the OP post did.

Yes the ex wife was naiive but jesus, so are many other people. She's the victim here. She trusted her husband and she wasn't as well informed about drugs as she should be. But she did not deserve this.

I just have a different opinion. I feel like saying that she was the victim disregards the aspect of personal responsibility that everyone must take for his or her own life. There's no way you can make someone become addicted to something; she did that on her own. Sure, with her husband's help, but on her own nonetheless. At any time she could have said she didn't want it.

At any rate, I do think cheating is ruining your partner's life. I've never been cheated on, but those I know who have been cheated on have been broken for ages.

Unregistered.

Nobody will dispute the fact that both mother and father should be able to see this child right now. But look at the two senario's...

1) they break up, and she gets custody of the child, (moves to Galway as the OP stated) amd he get's visits.

2) (the way it turned out) They break up and he gets custody and she gets visits.


Now, I'm not condoning what the OP did, but which of the above scenario's seems fair for what is wife did to their marriage?(cheating)

Does the end justify the means?
Did she get her "just dessert" ?

Personnally, I do not think it would have been fair for her to destroy the marriage(and family) and then get custody of their child(as the OP seen it).

Wibbs

niceirishfella, please read the charter, stay on topic and if you want to be humourous AH is that a way <= Next poster who goes off topic gets a banning. This is fast descending into farce. It goes any further and it's getting closed.

mayordenis

to be quite honest the best thing would be for your child to be taken from you and brough up with neither of you involved by a family who will allow your child to be just that, in a non-poisonous environment.

Queencake

PillyPen wrote: »

I just have a different opinion. I feel like saying that she was the victim disregards the aspect of personal responsibility that everyone must take for his or her own life. There's no way you can make someone become addicted to something; she did that on her own. Sure, with her husband's help, but on her own nonetheless. At any time she could have said she didn't want it.

At any rate, I do think cheating is ruining your partner's life. I've never been cheated on, but those I know who have been cheated on have been broken for ages.

Cheating = Purposely trying to get your wife addicted to drugs so that she will lose rights to see her child and be in a poor state to negotiate the divorce?

I've seen people who's been cheated on and I've seen people become addicts. I'd much rather be cheated on then become an addict and lose all that is precious to me.

I feel genuinely sickened by this thread. And part of that is the discovery that a surprising number of people think although the OP was underhanded he's off the hook because she became an addict. I sincerely hope I never date someone who would do that to me.

I find this very hard to believe - smells of troll B-O to me.

MagicMarker

I was ready to call you a complete scumbag........but.....

Let's take you out of the equation here. Let's say your ex posted here about everything you're saying now. She would say...

I cheated on my husband
We started taking cocaine
I developed a habit
I seperated from my husband
He told me he wouldn't let me have my daughter because I'm an addict
He got full custody

Now, every single person posting in response to that would jump right on the bandwagon with the ''you don't deserve a child'' type retort, including those lambasting the OP in this thread.

The fact of the matter is, no one forced his wife to do ANYTHING, ignorance is no excuse on her part. She did develop an addiction and it's quite right that he got full custody.

HOWEVER.... OP, the fact that you came up with a plan like this just means you are a really, really sick individual. Seriously, you are a terrible person and a poor excuse of a man. I feel nothing but pity for you and I really hope this guilt stays with you until the day you die.

LolaLuv

Queencake wrote: »

Cheating = Purposely trying to get your wife addicted to drugs so that she will lose rights to see her child and be in a poor state to negotiate the divorce?

I've seen people who's been cheated on and I've seen people become addicts. I'd much rather be cheated on then become an addict and lose all that is precious to me.

I feel genuinely sickened by this thread. And part of that is the discovery that a surprising number of people think although the OP was underhanded he's off the hook because she became an addict. I sincerely hope I never date someone who would do that to me.

I don't think they're exactly the same thing, no. And I did say what he did was dirty, but I'm not going to judge someone who was cheated on and faced losing custody of his child. I've never been in that position or anything close to it and I think she had an equal hand in her addiction. Honestly, they both sound rather scummy. The child is the only real victim in all of this, having two parents like that.

No offense, but you seem to be getting a little too worked up over this. A different opinion doesn't mean that you should feel sickened. No one is applauding this guy for what he did, but to put all the blame on him is a little self-righteous imo.

Silverfish

glasso wrote: »

I find this very hard to believe - smells of troll B-O to me.

Ignoring warning, one week ban.

wylo

Celtic67 wrote: »

With all due respect, this sounds like a pretty far fetched story to me. Anyone else agree?

yea...
a very poor attempt tbh, disappointing

Wibbs

wylo banned for a week as well. How many warnings on thread does it take?

Wibbs

Thread closed due to repeated off charter posts. For future reference troll or not it could have been helpful to someone. Plus some of the most genuine sounding threads can be trolls and some of the most off beat can be genuine.