Feeling Guilty---

okman

Hey,

have a girlfriend that I love very much. Im away on holidays at the moment.

Last night was drinking with a group of friends, and we got really drunk. Im also the type that when I get drunk I gett affectionate with everyone and end up hugging everyone guys and girls and kissing them on the foreheads and cheeks and stuff, its generally very funny. Last night I ended up out on a bench sleeping out in the open and this girl lied beside me. I woke up after a short while, people were still partying and I thought she was giving me a hug or something and she kissed me on the cheek and I kissed her on the head twice or something like that, it was a friendly thing I think as I am not interested in her.

Later on in the night I ended up in the Tv room I was sleeping again on a bench and she came and rested her head on my chest and my arm was around her. But again in my eyes it was just a friendly thing as I love my girlfriend very much. When I kind of came to my senses I realised this was a little inapropriate, and I called my girlfriend and told her, but I was drunk and it didnt make much sense to her. I went to bed and woke up this morning feeling really guilty. I always get myself into such messes, but I think i did nothing wrong. I do agree that its a little in apropriate, but when comeone comes and lies near you and ur drunk u rarly think to tell them to get off, and it was nice and friendly. Absolutely nothing else happend and will not happen.

But I just feel very guilty and wondering should I, will my girlfriend be pissed, will she break up with me? I am going to try and stop being so affectionate when Im drunk but I generally just have a laugh and think nothing of it. My friends think im so paranoid and that I have nothing to feel bad about and I always get myself into such a bother when even I come close to another girl and think I might have done something wrong, I guess I just really love my girlfriend.

Just wondering what other people think?

Im also being very upfront with my girlfriend and told her everything. I was seriously drunk too.

Cheers

Queencake

Listen -

If you aren't going to let it happen again, if you honestly think you can handle your drink and your inappropriate behaviour then don't tell her.

Even if she doesn't dump you she'll always wonder how far the "affection" went. Sleeping together cuddled up like you describe is intimate. And if I found out my boyfriend did this not once but repeatedly I would feel hurt by it and I'd see him differently. I know I'd also become suspicious.

What you did wasn't terrible but as your guilt is telling you it wasn't right. Your mates are telling you what you'd like to hear.

Also if you have a tendency to let drink get the better of you and you get affectionate with other girls in front of your gf then she probably already knows. Saying that I do think there's a leap between a friend like hug and cuddling up together to sleep.

Basically it comes down to this.

- you could have easily re-adjusted your body to get away from this cuddled up sleeping position with this girl. Sure the girl, assuming she also was hammered, may be slightly offended but just saying "My gf wouldn't like me sleeping close to another girl." she'll cope on.
- Control your drink. If your behaviour when drunk is something that is causing you issues then you need to cut down. Obviously it is if it's resulted in you having to post on a board asking for advice because you feel guilty.
- Like you said you'll do, make a conscious effort to be less cuddly and affectionate with girls, particularly strangers. Apart from it not being entirely fair on your gf who may not like it you're leading girls on from the sounds of it. I'm probably totally off ball when I say this - but do you think part of it is that you like the female attention when drunk and "innocently" play up to it. We've all been there hun. I know I've been guilty of it once or twice.
- You say you really love your gf. That's great, just draw a line under this holiday and start again fresh. No need to tell her.

Queencake

You've two accounts? Okay, I'll take it that you're the OP.

Stop beating yourself up over it. You didn't cross the line but you got mighty close. Too close for comfort. You know it was inappropriate and you're sorry for it and you're NOT going to tell it happen again so that's that.

Well seeing as the gf already knows somethings up...

Mmm... Bit messy. At this stage she's had enough time to let her mind run riot after your drunken call. When you see her just tell her tell her that you had too much to drink and a girl cuddled up next to you when you were practically passed out. Tell her at one point in the few minutes you actually thought it was her and when you copped on that it wasn't you felt guilty and rang her to apologise straightaway. Tell her that you won't let this happen again and that nothing happened that crosses the line. Don't be overly apologetic either though otherwise she'll think it really was a BIG deal. Just be genuine and show that you're sincerely sorry.

Listen she may or may not dump you. That's entirely up to her. But my guess would be that she won't if you've never given her reason to doubt you before and your relationship is worth fighting for. Saying that she won't be happy and buddy, you should really make sure it never happens again. Otherwise if she has any cope she'll leave when it happens again.

If my guy did what you described I'd be seriously hurt and feel very insecure. It would be hard to fully trust him again. If I'm honest I'd see it seriously tainting the relationship. Most guys who are faithful don't go cuddling and giving loads of friendly kisses to other girls while they are on top on them - drunk or otherwise.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

okman wrote: »

I was seriously drunk too.

Although you may lose your inhibitions when drunk, it is not an excuse that people accept...

That excuse can be used in some cases, not this one I am afraid

seahorse

Sounds like you need to drink less, maybe a lot less.

Also you should consider how humoured you'd be by your girlfriend getting physically close to and overly affectionate with a variety of men; that might put a different spin on your ideas about what's "very funny".

Queencake

Someone else posted a response with a different account acting like they were the OP. It's been deleted. It mustn't have been him so. Seemed genuine. Weird.

Yeah seahorse has a point - it's not funny at all. In fact any guys I know that try to kiss and cuddle me when drunk just come across as a bit slimey. There's a guy I know in college who's always like that and when sober he's a nicest soundest guy but once drunk all the girls think he's daft. Some humour him but most think he's a bit sad.

Snowie

you've no real reason to feel guilty, maybe the guilt is coming from the fact that this girl may have been showng that she want more and that you did nothing was some what rejection and you feel guilty because you had to reject some one...?

Queencake

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

you've no real reason to feel guilty, maybe the guilt is coming from the fact that this girl may have been showng that she want more and that you did nothing was some what rejection and you feel guilty because you had to reject some one...?

Most people can tell whether the feel guilty for one thing or another. No one leaps up to ring their gf to apologise when they actually feel guilty for rejected a stranger.

If you were going out with a girl and when she got drunk she'd be kissing guys on the cheek, forehead and cuddle up with them and when she's hammered she lets a guy lay on top of her and she puts her arm around him would you not be annoyed?! Not once but twice with the same guy!?

seahorse

Queencake wrote: »

Most people can tell whether the feel guilty for one thing or another. No one leaps up to ring their gf to apologise when they actually feel guilty for rejected a stranger.

+ 1

To be honest OP, and I'm not trying to be cruel here, but by the tone of your post it sounds to me like you're not mature enough either to be drinking or having a relationship. You sound like a randy sixteen-year-old with a budding drink problem. Again, not trying to be cruel here, but that is how it sounds to me. I think you need to start asking yourself some hard questions, most especially if you are in fact an adult!

Snowie

Queencake wrote: »

Most people can tell whether the feel guilty for one thing or another. No one leaps up to ring their gf to apologise when they actually feel guilty for rejected a stranger.

If you were going out with a girl and when she got drunk she'd be kissing guys on the cheek, forehead and cuddle up with them and when she's hammered she lets a guy lay on top of her and she puts her arm around him would you not be annoyed?! Not once but twice with the same guy!?

it was a suggestion !

Its not me in that position and even pretending to be wouldnt truly bring my emotions aon sucha subject out so......... im affraid i really can't answer that.