Unorthodox views of love

LegacyUser

Sorry for going unreg, my GF knows my username and all that jazz. I guess my problem is two-fold. You see, I am not someone who believes in "Romantic love" as such. Sure, I believe in Platonic and Parental love, and I believe that you can grow to rely on someone emotionally (not necessarily a partner, could be a friend or a dog or anything really) but I have just never bought the whole "my heart beats for you" stuff, call me a cynic. The problem is, my Girlfriend doesn't agree with my hypothesis.

We started going out a few months ago and things have been going really well, we get along great and we have fun. She is a diehard romantic at heart though, and this is where the problem lies. I haven't told her about my rather... unorthodox views on the subject because I don't want to come across like I'm trying to kill her buzz. You see I think its great that she is so romantically minded and stuff, I find it cute but I think she thinks she's in "love" with me and this is putting me in a strange situation. She keeps slipping in little "I love you"s when we're alone and I think its beginning to really upset her that I haven't said it back yet. She'd never tell me this straight out but I've heard from her friends etc... I don't want to hurt her and I certainly don't want to break up with her, and I don't mind telling her that I love her if that's what it will take but I'd feel like I'd be acting insincere to her if I actually said the line. Any ideas?

LegacyUser

OMG OMG OMG, I really hope I'm not the girl you're talking about, it feels like you're describing mine & my BF's relationship...
Just be honest with your girlfriend and tell her exactly what you've told us, I'm sure she'll understand; I know I would.

Overheal

You dont mention how you do feel about her, i notice: from your post you make it sound likes shes a casual acquaintance that you enjoy having sex with/whathaveyou.

Had any other relationships in the past?

MagicMarker

Your unorthodox views are based on the fact that you haven't been in 'love' before.

Don't fool yourself or your girlfriend, she loves you and at the moment you don't love her.

What do you want from this relationship?

LegacyUser

I agree with the previous two posters: she's just not the right person for you, OP. Looks like you don't want to face reality: it's not your "unorthodox" views that are the problem, she is your problem.

Queencake

She deserves to have someone who can give her what she wants. If you don't feel capable of the romantic love she wants then maybe you're not for her?

I've been in her position - granted I hadn't fallen in love with the fella in question by that stage. We broke up and tbh I'm so glad we did. I found a great fella who I fell madly for and who loves me back.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks for the replies. I should be clear that she means a lot to me, so its killing me that this is upsetting her. As for what I want from the relationship, I don't really know to be honest. I know I don't want it to end in the foreseeable future and I would be more than willing to tell her I love her in order to save it if I have to, but I'm afraid I'm not sure if I do or even can feel the same way about her or anyone else that she seems to feel about me.

LegacyUser

OP, I can almost relate, but that's only because for the longest time, I forgot what love was. It's only happened to me about twice. It overcomes you, like an obsession. You feel like you'd literally kill yourself if you couldn't be with the person you love. I can remember worshiping the very earth she stood on...

I do believe the word 'love' as WAY overused in society, but when real love happens, you'll know all about it.

estar

when you meet the right person and are turning cartwheels if they ask, and your heart skips a beat when they phone, you will know. 2- 3 months is very soon to be doing the i love yous.

kittensoft1984

Hi OP,

I think you need to tell her how you feel. Its unfair of you to string her along - i know you are not doing intentionally though.

I think someone said that you haven't met the right person, maybe that's what it is.

Isn't it better to hurt her a little now than continue on and have her fall for you completely?