QUADZILLA for Archaeologist.

rynners

A little competition for members of the Archaeologist Syndicate:

Post a joke on here today, best joke by tomorrow morning gets december free (I'll donate the fee - not hri fund though) and worst joke has to buy the winner a christmas present to be given at the next race..

Min 3 jokes for this to work, poll tomorrow.
If you don't post you can't win but then you're not a lot of fun are ya?

It's a crap thread but I'm bored..

rynners

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it. “Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

rynners

AW, i saw you look at this thread, penalty for not coming up with a joke is to buy me a pint.

rynners

:rolleyes: this is a whole lot of fun.

eoghan104

Did you hear about the carrot that died???


There was a big Turnip at the funeral!!!!!!!!!!




Did you hear about the two aerials that got married?

The Service was Sh*te but the Reception was great!!!!!!!





Why didnt the skeleton go to the party!?

He had nobody to go with!!!!!

I am teh Winnar!!!

rynners

nice try eoghan.. it needs a min of 3 jokes. (see opening post). got a feeling you might be buying someone a present if another posts..!

corban

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged
to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The
conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex
lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by
engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping
her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of
the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat.
When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had
on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so
aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and
there!'

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my
story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him
in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was
so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up
our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of
planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I
took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped
into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and
six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for
action.

When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the
remote, sat down and yelled,

> '

Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

hiscan

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the
activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't
speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to
communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the
right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the
family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed
her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, 'Hi, Grandma,
you're looking good! How are they treating you?'

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the
nephew......





'Bastards won't let me fart.'

hiscan

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: 'I don't have that kind of money.

But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother'.

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). 'Anything?' he asked.

'Yes, yes, anything' the blonde promised.

'Well then, just follow me', said the man as he walked towards the next room.

The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

'Come in and close the door' the man said.

She did. He then said 'Now get on your knees.'

She did. 'Now take down my zipper'.

She did. 'Now go ahead ... take it out....' he said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered 'Well............ go ahead'.

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...........








'Hello. Mom, can you hear me?

hiscan

A bloke goes into a pub and the barmaid asks what he wants.

'I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your t*ts' he says.

'You dirty b*stard' shouts the barmaid 'get out before I get my husband.'

The bloke apologises and promises not to repeat his gaffe.

The barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.

'I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your arse and lick it all off' he says.

'You dirty filthy pervert. You're banned. Get out!!' she screams.

Again, the bloke apologises and swears never ever to do it again.

'One more chance' says the barmaid. 'Now - what do you want?'

'I want to turn you upside down, open your flaps and fill your pu**y with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from the hairy cup' The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs upstairs to fetch her husband, who's sitting quietly watching the telly.

'What's up love?' he asks.

'There's a bloke in the bar who wants to put his head between my breasts and lick the sweat off' she says.

'I'll kill him. Where is he?' storms the husband.

'Then he said he wanted to pour yoghurt down between my arse cheeks and lick it off' she screams.

'Right. He's dead' says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.

'Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my f anny with Guinness and then drink it all' she cries.

The husband puts down his bat and returns to his armchair and switches the telly back on.

Aren't you going to do something about it?' she cries hysterically. Her husband replies, 'Look love. I'm not f***ing around with someone who can drink 15 pints of Guinness...'

rynners

Competition now closed.
Ziggy's not in the syndicate, but I did give him the option some time ago to join in feb, if he wins he gets feb free if he joins up. if he is the worst then he has to pay an extra 10 squids to join for the first month (about the value of a christmas present..
please vote for your favourite joker.

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

abouttobebanned

Has this forum turned into the Rynner's show?

rynners

abouttobebanned wrote: »

Has this forum turned into the Rynner's show?

you're right, it looks a bit like that. I do like setting up threads and polls though. I'll ease off a bit...

Hobart

rynners banned for a week for this and other completely off topic threads.