"I'll never love you"

LegacyUser

Going out with Steve now for over seven months, planned to move in with this guy. But a few times when he was drunk he told me he could never love me. He said his last girlfriend left him because he couldn't give her what she wanted, and when asked what that thing was, he said 'love'.

Now, I've come to wonder why, and this could explain everything, but probably not.

We went out for my birthday last month and we were among mutual friends. He lives with his best friend John* and that guy's girlfriend Mary*. John and Mary weren't able to make it for the dinner because Mary's mother was having a party that night too, which both had to attend. John drank too much that night and Mary took him home and came out herself to the after-party of my birthday, which was drinks in our local pub. Now, Steve had invited his own few friends who had been at the pub. My friends had since gone home and Steve sat there talking to his friends, ignoring me. Now I tried to give input to the conversation but they were talking about football and the like, and no matter how much I tried I didn't have anything to say so I sat there and smiled, laughed when there was a funny joke, and engaging in whatever banter there was to be had in between. Then along comes Mary. Mary comes in, says hello to everyone, and even though I was being ignored all night, Mary certainly wasn't. She came in and all of a sudden Steve's attention was on her (now I know he's not meant to ignore her but looking at her like she's some sort of goddess would explain how I'm feeling left out...) . I tried to talk to one of Steve's friends and we were having a bit of a chat. Meanwhile Mary and Steve continue talking, laughing, he's touching her arm all the while, and i'm in the shadows. His eyes lit up when she entered the pub. The fact that I had to move out of her way so that she could sit down (i'm Steve's girlfriend). And then the fact that he ignored me all night (at the dinner talked to his friends) but he made his efforts with her just hurts. But then, he was drunk. I remained calm, insisting that it was the alcohol which was making him behave like this.

We got home , Mary came back to the house with us obviously (she lives there). Steve followed her in to the living room and closed the door. Leaving me in the hallway. I went upstairs to take off my make up, meanwhile she's down there with Steve laughing away together, while John's in bed and I'm taking off my make up. Steve came up stairs a short while later. He entered the room and told me to "get all that girly **** off my bed right now", there were two tops and a skirt and a few boxes from my jewelry on the bed, because we had been in a rush to leave the house to make it in time earlier. I said I would do it in a minute, while he brushed his teeth, but he said he'd do no such thing until I had done as he said. He raised his voice, insisting again that I remove everything from the bed. I became frustrated at that,and threw everything from the bed into a corner, and she shouted at me for that also. I told him I was tired, and that I didn't like being shouted at. But he just climbed into bed, waking up fine the next day, not acknowledging his behaviour at all from the night before.

I don't think there's any way to help this situation. But if anyone's been in anything similar, say so please.

Mr. Incognito

You already know what to do. Treat yourself with some respect and dump this muppet, becase he certainly doesn't respect you. why do women put up with this crap I'll never know. You cannot "make" someone love you.

LegacyUser

I used to go out with a guy who told me very early on that he didn't believe in romantic love and had never had been in love. He believed in love between a parent and child but nothing beyond that. I tried to ignore it - thinking "Sure, it's only early days and we're having fun and who knows maybe he'll change but if he doesn't I'll get out before I get hurt."

After a short while of being together I realised that I'd probably wind up hurt. I explained how I felt and he didn't want to break up but we both knew it wouldn't work long term.

Ask him sober about if he believes in love and ask him why he said what he said. If he's otherwise a pretty together guy who is intelligent and knows himself - then it's unlikely his views on love will change.

It could be down to a fear of true intimacy or being scared of getting hurt so they close themselves off. However if they're at peace with their thoughts on love not being something they do/believe in I do believe it's very unlikely he's change.

Aside from all that - he doesn't sound like he's even worth your time analysing. It was your birthday and it sounds like he didn't make an effort to make it special for you at all. You sound like a really nice girl - and very laid back and understanding. But you need not put up with this. I really believe you can do much better. If this had been a once off incidence it'd be forgivable if he was apologetic. But coupled with not believing in love it's alarming.

Talk to him. After 7 months of being together you need to have this chat.

PS: I'm assuming from your post you are looking for love.

MagicMarker

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

You already know what to do. Treat yourself with some respect and dump this muppet, becase he certainly doesn't respect you. why do women put up with this crap I'll never know. You cannot "make" someone love you.

I wholeheartedly agree...

OP, the minute he said he could never love you should have dumped him, why oh why are you still with him? What possible outcome could you have foreseen?

I too am also amazed at people in relationships who take so much crap, yet the thought of leaving the relationship doesn't even enter their mind!

OP, dump the príck.

chops1990

Ever heard the phrase "There's more fish in the sea". I dont know why women do this. There's no point stayin in a relationship clearly goin nowhere unless its a f uck buddy situation

matchthis

I'm thinking Steve is aspiring to john and mary's relationship and since they all live under the one roof have come somewhat close. Still no excuse for the way he is treating you i know, but might prove some reason. Give it some time and try a few different angles of affection and if still no return then could be time to move on. Relationships should grow with time, not diminish.

Firetrap

Like the others, I'm asking myself why on earth are you still with Steve. So far, you've told us that

• He's told you that he'll never love you
• Excluded you from a conversation he was having with his friends and acted like you didn't exist
• Flirted with his best friend's girlfriend
• Shouted at you and told you to take your girly crap off the bed
• Didn't even have the decency to apologise

Now, if someone else posted a story that involved the above pointers here and you were reading, rather than writing the tale, what would you suggest?

Be glad that you haven't moved in with him. Dump him as soon as you can. I wonder are you in love with the idea of having a boyfriend rather than in love with him?

Liam Byrne

Firetrap is spot-on. Get your ass out of there.

And before you go "but....", let me say that we KNOW it isn't that black-and-white when you're "in" something; I was similarly treated in the past and spent a month or so going back for more, hoping things would change, before I finally called her bluff on it. Yes, I know that makes me sound like a pathetic idiot [the month, not the calling her bluff], and don't ask me why I did it; I'll probably never be able to explain that.

Yes, different people want/need different things in relationships, but respect should be a given, and from the sounds of it you're not getting any.

Once you get out of it and see how you've been treated from outside, you'll suddenly wonder why you bothered putting up with it, and become stronger.

Being single is a hell of a lot better than being in something that's damaging you.

TheZohanS

He's a complete jerk.

Dump him.

Everyone deserves to be loved and to be treated with respect, you don't need crap like that.

~nop~

This isn't even about love.

This is about the fact that at the moment he treats you like crap

Dump him! you don't deserve it!!

DD

Don't stay with him anymore. It is the best advice. Forget about him.

LadyJ

Steve is a cúnt.

He started the argument so you'd leave, I reckon. He may even just be trying to get you to dump him so that he doesn't have to do it. Either way, you should have taken your things, left and never looked back.

It's hard to be assertive when you really like someone but the fact is that Steve doesn't deserve 5 more minutes of your time and energy and you'll look back on this in time and wonder why it took you so long to realise that.

It's not your fault that he doesn't love you. It isn't something you can make happen. You're just not for him. You'll eventually meet someone who treats you lovingly and who you fit better with. Don't settle for this cúnt. He's not fit to wipe your hole.

dioltas

Fcuk him, he sounds like a complete wanker. Move on I'd say.

Dinkie

Get away from him as fast as you can.

My ex said the same to me after 4 years together.... I was devastated... but broke up with him and moved on (took a while though).

He then went out with someone else for 3 years after that, before saying the samething to her.

Simply put - he just isn't into you. But I think you know that already

Wibbs

Dinkie wrote: »

Simply put - he just isn't into you. But I think you know that already

That's it pretty much. He just isnt into you enough.

I've known loads of blokes come out with the "I don't believe in love" stuff. In most cases it was either childish ego protection after getting dumped(the all women are bitches types) or they haven't met the woman they fall for yet. The only one I can think of who actually appeared incapable of romantic love was an undiagnosed mental case anyway.

Like the others I say leave. He's pulling all this crap now so that he can pin it all on you afterwards. Basically you were a social add on(Oh look I have a girlfriend) and somewhere to stick his willy. Sorry if that seems harsh, but harsher is staying in an unhealthy relationship. If you don't leave then you will prove him right that you're the problem. Get out girl and soon.

LolaLuv

OP, I'm sorry to hear about this. Unfortunately, you do have a big loser on your hands. It would do you well to give him the boot and spend some time learning to appreciate yourself so that you never settle for such crap again.

I suppose the "he's just not that into you" thing could apply, but I doubt it would hold for relationships that last 3-4 years. How could you be with someone for that long unless you were into them?

Wibbs

PillyPen wrote: »

I suppose the "he's just not that into you" thing could apply, but I doubt it would hold for relationships that last 3-4 years. How could you be with someone for that long unless you were into them?

Social convenience. Fear of not meeting someone else. Loneliness. Sexual convenience. Liked them at first and now just laziness keeps them there. Common enough sad to say.

LolaLuv

Wibbs wrote: »

Social convenience. Fear of not meeting someone else. Loneliness. Sexual convenience. Liked them at first and now just laziness keeps them there. Common enough sad to say.

People suck.

bush Baby

I think the term is - "NEXT"....!!!