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Lonely and strapped for time

  • 06-12-2008 12:20pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been single for about 3 years now and been pretty ok with it. My job keeps me super busy and I've good friends, hobbies etc. However, lately I've been increasingly lonely. A lot of my good friends have moved away or are married (or practically married) so I don't get to see them as much. In fact most of my friends are now paired off (I'm in my mid twenties) and it's becoming increasingly hard to find a friend to come out for a gig or the cinema.

    So just put yourself out there right? Meet some new people, take up another hobby etc. etc. Thing is I'm in the final stages of doing my PhD. I work long stressful inconsistent hours and when I hopefully finish in about 6-9 months, there's a very good chance I'm going to move to another country for a good job. This is probably the worse time to be "looking" but I can't help myself.

    I'm now realising that being single and "looking" is a very miserable experience if you don't have the time to actually be "looking". I've mostly been doing a lot teenager style brooding and pining over women who I'd love to date but don't because
    a) they, like 75% of good women in their mid twenties, are taken. (Apologies to single "good women" who feel this number is wrong, I'm a picky bastard.)
    b) I don't do anything because I don't have the time to invest in a relationship nor the mental strength to deal with the dating scene as well thinking about my research.

    So what do I do? I've been doing my best to try and concentrate on work and not think about women but it's pretty impossible. Is it unreasonable to want a relationship and a demanding career at the same time? I'd run through walls to make it work but it's getting started that's killing me. I've never particularly enjoyed (or been very good at) random scoring women in a nightclub so shallow, short term stuff isn't really a good solution for the loneliness either.


Comments

  • #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,284 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Unregistered wrote: »
    a) they, like 75% of good women in their mid twenties, are taken. (Apologies to single "good women" who feel this number is wrong, I'm a picky bastard.)
    No I would agree. In general emotionally available, attractive women in their mid 20's are generally not single for very long at all. I would say that just because someone is "taken" or moreso, appears to be taken does not mean they're happy or they're in the process of leaving the guy in question. I would say a lot of women are leaving relationships long before they actually do, so don't write off "taken" woman as such. Clearly don't enable cheating behaviour, or go for a mates partner even if they're unhappy, just leave your options open.
    b) I don't do anything because I don't have the time to invest in a relationship nor the mental strength to deal with the dating scene as well thinking about my research.
    Well then you've answered your own question. That and the strong possibility that you'll be leaving these shores would suggest to me that you should keep your head down, sort your studies and wait until you are in a position to give the time and emotional level required for a relationship.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sigh... thought as much

    any tips on how to not think about women for 6 months? Hypnotherapy? Extra extra cold showers? Priests must have it hard!


  • #4
    MizzLolly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,556 ✭✭✭MizzLolly


    Just keep thinkin' about how close you're getting to that PhD!! ;)

    Well done :D


  • #5
    Serafina_jah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34 ✭Serafina_jah


    Why not try internet dating on a reliable site?? you get to date but from the comfort of your own home and in the time that suits you. If you find someone you like you can explain your situation and see if they're still interested... I met my boyfriend on-line and we talked for a good while before we met up. This was really enjoyable and even though it wasn't face to face, it satisfied me, felt like real dating but was even nicer as there was so much more openess. It's a lot easier to be open with people when you're just typing on a screen. Just make sure you're being open with the right people :rolleyes: Maybe it's not the same for everyone :)

    oooh speed dating!!! Nice and fast for people with no time...


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