Lack of confidence - any advice

LegacyUser

I'm 21 years old - nearly 22 and I've never had a relationship with anyone.
I've never had sex and the first time I "scored" anyone, was when I was 19 - haven't had much luck since.
Plenty of girls have said that I'm a "really cool/funny guy" and there has been many a time where I've felt a girl is attracted to me and I attracted to them, but I never know what to do next. I think it's a severe lack of confidence and fear of rejection, but how can I get over that?
What do girls like to hear? I don't want to be sappy, but I don't want to come across as a perv either. What sort of thing should I be saying or doing?
Any advice would be much appreciated.

Terodil

Be yourself. By the comments you quoted, you are pretty well set. Just give yourself a push and see if you can slowly but surely get more intimate with her if that's what you want. Invite her to the cinema, explore your limits by 'accidentally' touching her arm, shoulder, maybe knee, see how she reacts. Hold hands. Don't make any big jumps as that will probably leave you in a puddle. Be careful about the kiss and let her guide you if you are inexperienced, chances are that she's more experienced than you. Be responsive and follow her non-verbal signs (body language).

If you try to make yourself into somebody who you are not, the girl will find out pretty fast. You will try to build a relationship on false pretenses -- and it'll fail.

And btw... I know your feeling. I am 28 and in my first relationship (and boy do I love her). Took a while, I know, felt rather depressed at times, but what good is going for something that doesn't fit? When you do find your love, it'll be just sooo much better.

LegacyUser

Hey man, I'm 20 and up until very recently I was in the exact same position as you were.
For me it was never difficult to go out and 'score', but my lack of self-esteem sabotaged so many of my relationships that I had almost lost count. I was afraid to approach a woman unless she gave me definite signs of attraction, and when I didn't receive them enough, it made me feel vulnerable and unwanted. For a college student living away from home, not a great thing as I'm sure you can guess.
Over the past few months however, my confidence has skyrocketed, and has gotten to a point where I had never dreamed it could have reached. Before this a bad/ embarrassing encounter with a girl during the day or night would have resulted in me analysing the mistakes made over and over in my head, beating myself up about it. Now something like that could never bother me.

Time for the hard truth - I'm sorry, but there is no way to speak to a woman that will make her fall for you. Plenty of people have found that out the hard way, but I'm afraid it just doesn't exist. There is no magical formula that you can follow to make everything work out. If there was the world would be a terrible place.
But not to fear! Look man, you are an individual, like every person on the street you pass today. I will completely agree with Terodil, be yourself, and make no apologies about who you are. But, instead of this "just be yourself" crap that every one of us guys is told by people, heres a tip: Be the BEST yourself you can be.

Display your talents, things that people won't see when they stare at you across the room. Try to meet people in a setting where you know you have shared interests (if you're in college, you know whats coming, join a club ), not only will this make you feel comfortable (and believe me, it will show), the presence of people with whom you can identify with will help immensely.
Smile when you walk into a room, and mean it. A genuine smile will draw everyone's attention to you as a friendly, fun guy.
Don't be afraid to do something you normally don't do. Take a chance, because in order to gain something, you have to be prepared to lose it. Ever fantasised about meeting a girl and telling her you were a *insert dreamy occupation here*? Take a step towards doing it. Even if you don't make it, the experiences along the way will make for an interesting tale.
Go to the gym or lift some weights at home, nothing crazy. Not only is it incredibly good for the body, it releases such an intense burst of confidence that you see dudes in the gym on saturday nights wearing shirts and jeans doing a few reps on the bench before they go out .
Laugh. A lot. Don't let trivial things interfere with how you want to live your life. Don't sweat the small stuff; and everything is small!
And most importantly, make time for your friends. When things don't work out the way you want they will be the ones there to pick you up and get you back on your feet. I know I would not be half the person I am today if it wasn't for the people I make time for.

I am in no way telling you to be somebody you're not, in case this is coming across as such. The biggest fear we have as the male race is not the fear of women (even though I believe thats pretty big ), its the fear of rejection, the fear of the unknown. And hey, you know how it goes, you'll never know until you try!
So next time you're in a position where there's a girl you're interested, just think, "Whats the worst that could happen?" She could reject you? If you don't approach her, you're not giving her a choice. You could make a fool of yourself? It'd be a funny story for your friends (and kids if it works out ). And if she accepts you? It's funny how many stories you hear about guys being rejected at bars by beautiful women, yet you never hear about the couples who got together simply from one of them taking a chance.
Want to know the secret of how to get past the fear of rejection? Just do it. Simple as. You see a girl you're interested in, go for it. If it doesn't work, no big deal, just pick yourself up and try again.

Outer confidence is a blessing. It is exuded from you to fill every inch of a room that could be thronged with people. But it is impossible to allow confidence to shine unless you are comfortable with yourself. So the next time you're 'being yourself', just relax, take it easy, and remember, girls are not the be all and end all. I'm still a virgin, and before, that used to bother me. By taking it easy on myself, by not worrying so much about what other people were thinking of me, and by understanding that everyone has their own way, virginity is the most inconsequential thing to me right now. When you're happy with yourself, nothing is worth sweating over.
To make the opposite sex happy man, make yourself happy first. Get that right, and everything else will fall into place, trust me.

LegacyUser

Are you asking for advise on how to score a bird? I hope no girl lets you anywhere near her with that attitude of yours.