How do you keep the faith?

LegacyUser

I'm a single woman in her mid-20's. I've been single for a couple of years and I'm sick of being single!!!!!! I'm ready for love and a relationship! I know it's a timing thing--sometimes it just takes ages to find someone you really click with and all that. And I've been on plenty of dates, so it isn't that no one finds me worthwhile or I'm desperate (because in that case, I wouldve gone off with the first lad that looked at me), but mostly I'm just wondering how other single people cope with being single without going mad. It can be quite frustrating, and I'm wondering how other people hold onto faith that someone grand is on the way.

And before anyone tells me to get a life (people can be pretty cruel on PI, I've noticed), I do keep myself busy with friends and such. It isn't that I'm sitting around bemoaning my single state all the time. I'm just wondering how to prevent frustration and giving up hope, that's all!

username123

Dunno how much youre gonna like this answer - but you need to start enjoying your own company and not worrying about whether or not Mr Right is on his way.

I was single for years and felt the same as you do, got to the point Id pretty much given up on meeting the right guy - in fact i only ever seemed to meet Mr Wrong.
Once I got happy on my own and forgot all about meeting the right guy he showed up. And I went into a wild panic thinking that Id no longer have single fun anymore!!!

I think its more about holding onto the faith in yourself and your own ability to be happy - whether or not you are in a relationship.

Cliched and all as it is, happiness comes from within.

And on a lighter note - you miss the good old single days when you do find someone to settle with so enjoy it while you can!

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

Dunno how much youre gonna like this answer - but you need to start enjoying your own company and not worrying about whether or not Mr Right is on his way.

I was single for years and felt the same as you do, got to the point Id pretty much given up on meeting the right guy - in fact i only ever seemed to meet Mr Wrong.
Once I got happy on my own and forgot all about meeting the right guy he showed up. And I went into a wild panic thinking that Id no longer have single fun anymore!!!

I think its more about holding onto the faith in yourself and your own ability to be happy - whether or not you are in a relationship.

Cliched and all as it is, happiness comes from within.

And on a lighter note - you miss the good old single days when you do find someone to settle with so enjoy it while you can!

I don't dislike that answer at all!!! The truth of the matter is that I've very much enjoyed my own company for the past couple of years, and have also very much enjoyed the single life. I suppose things just get stale. Plus I'm young and want to enjoy all of life, not just one aspect for so long. it'd be nice to fall in love again. I know that sounds like i'm not happy within myself, and maybe i'm just kidding myself that i am, but over the past two years I have fallen in love with myself, i guess i'm just finally ready to fall in love with someone else as well.

Discodog

One bit of advice, from someone who is old enough to know, is to be open. After two disasters I have been single for quite a while & sometimes it just seems that people are too specific their choices. A friend of mine who has been single for ages won't consider a guy unless he meets several initial conditions - maybe that's why she is still single. How many times do you here a girl say "He's a really nice guy but ....".

cantdecide

Aim for unconditional happiness. Your happiness shouldn't depend on anything. Like you, I've been single for far too long but I've found that you can be melancholy and happy.

Also, the more you practise, the luckier you get:p

star-pants

I'll be honest, I never got the 'wooo I'm a single gal having the most fun ever!' thing. Usually when you complain / lament on being single someone always says 'sure go out and have fun, live up the single life' and to be honest, it's a bit bleh. I have a good life and good friends etc, but I think some people have that small hole that can only be filled by certain things. 'Living up the single life' isn't me, never was. I'm happy with who I am, and I go about things - and I've met a few Mr Wrongs but I guess I just have to hope that one day I'll be lucky enough to find someone. I lose the faith a lot, especially when you're single for a while or get hurt a few times.

I'm not saying there's no point in enjoying single life, heck go for it. But I just mean I do understand where you're coming from in the sense you're happy with your life and friends and are occupied with things, yet you would like to have that extra niceness of someone to share things with. Maybe I watch too much Disney, but I have to hope that people will find someone out there to share their life with.

Motley Crue

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a single woman in her mid-20's. I've been single for a couple of years and I'm sick of being single!!!!!! I'm ready for love and a relationship!

Believe me, a watched kettle never boils, you have confidence and you will find your man

Having said that, one day you may look back and regret ever writing this post for all the wrong reasons, so just remember to choose wisely because while the Honeymoon period of a relationship can be great there can come a time when you seriously long to be single.

LegacyUser

star-pants wrote: »

I lose the faith a lot, especially when you're single for a while or get hurt a few times.

And thats just whats happened to me recently, met yet another mr. wrong. It gets so frustrating!!!! I almost feel like i'd rather have been completely single the entire time, with no bites at all, than to have to weed through all the muck to hopefully find a decent guy, which might not happen! it's just so discouraging to find jerk after jerk! i do enjoy being single, though, when i'm not getting over crap.

Motley Crue wrote: »

Believe me, a watched kettle never boils, you have confidence and you will find your man

Having said that, one day you may look back and regret ever writing this post for all the wrong reasons, so just remember to choose wisely because while the Honeymoon period of a relationship can be great there can come a time when you seriously long to be single.

ha, that's true about longing to be single. it's hard to want what you've had for a while though, you know? and it isn't like i'm anywhere close to wanting marriage or anything so. ahhh i guess i am just whingeing.

abi2007

I like being single! you need to ask yourself why you want a boyfriend? everything a boyfriend gives you you can get from your family or friends..except sex of course (well there are the obliging male friends out there if needs be!)

are you unhappy? cause if you are a boyfriend wont make it any better and if you are happy then why rush.. enjoy going out and having fun!

Sleepy

What do you enjoy doing most? Do lots of it now and enjoy it because when you do find someone to settle down with, you'll have far less time to do it.

LegacyUser

abi2007 wrote: »

I like being single! you need to ask yourself why you want a boyfriend? everything a boyfriend gives you you can get from your family or friends..except sex of course (well there are the obliging male friends out there if needs be!)

are you unhappy? cause if you are a boyfriend wont make it any better and if you are happy then why rush.. enjoy going out and having fun!

I'm actually the happiest and most self-confident i've ever been. and i disagree that your friends and family can provide everything a man can side from sex. i think there's a definite element to a romantic relationship that one simply can't find in a platonic or familial one. it's that romantic connection i want. and not even right now, but i'd like to believe it's going to come eventually, which is why i ask how others keep the faith!!

Sleepy wrote: »

What do you enjoy doing most? Do lots of it now and enjoy it because when you do find someone to settle down with, you'll have far less time to do it.

that's good advice, thank you. a bit cryptic and scary, i must say lol, but wise indeed.

LegacyUser

I'm around the same age, haven't had a long-term girlfriend yet, so nearly all my life has been single. And that's fine with me. It's weird that some girls have a need to be "with" someone. The cynic in me thinks that their individual lives might not be very interesting, if they feel forced to find meaning through romance. I'm sorry if that seems like a cruel thing to say.

Of course I would like to have a stable relationship some day. I'm interested in getting a long-term relationship in the same way that I'm interested in becoming skilled at my job or getting fit. It's just another project that I'm working on. It's not an obsession and I'm not at all stressed, frustrated, or worried about it.

Advice to the original poster? You say that you aren't desperate. That might be true in the sense that you still have high standards, but it's obviously not true in the sense that you feel very bad about being single, in danger of "losing hope" and so on. Like somebody else said, maybe you should think about what a relationship will add to your life that you don't already have. I don't like the idea of going out with somebody who could not have had a fulfilling life on their own. Not all guys would feel the same.

Cheeky Chick

Well I don't have much trust in fella's no offence to the lads! I was only ever involved with a fella for about 3 months then met my ex which i broke up with after 2 and a half years thought when i met him this is so different and we got on so well but it turned out he was a liar and a cheat and was very good at hiding it! I knew he'd lie to me but me being me never confronted him about it and it just all came to a head and now we dont talk had to change my number. Then met a fella few months after and he just treated me like dirt never would ignore me for days on end.

But i havent given up totally, I know theres fella's out there who are decent but I'm not goin to go out and start looking for this fella. The right fella will come to you when u least expect it. Keep going out and enjoying yourself, it'll happen, but dont just settle for anyone, put yourself first. Dont rush into anything

nkay1985

OP, I think you're on the right track. You're open to the idea of that Mr. Right, which means he'll come along. You don't need to be searching the planet for him or anything.

You ask how to not lose hope? I think that the only way not to, is to realise that by losing hope, you'll never find him! As long as you have that hope, you're open to advances. But the second you lose that hope, the second you let yourself think that it'll never happen, that's the second that guarantees that it won't!

Try your hardest to not let it get you down, to keep your positive frame of mind and good things will come

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm around the same age, haven't had a long-term girlfriend yet, so nearly all my life has been single. And that's fine with me. It's weird that some girls have a need to be "with" someone. The cynic in me thinks that their individual lives might not be very interesting, if they feel forced to find meaning through romance. I'm sorry if that seems like a cruel thing to say.

Of course I would like to have a stable relationship some day. I'm interested in getting a long-term relationship in the same way that I'm interested in becoming skilled at my job or getting fit. It's just another project that I'm working on. It's not an obsession and I'm not at all stressed, frustrated, or worried about it.

Advice to the original poster? You say that you aren't desperate. That might be true in the sense that you still have high standards, but it's obviously not true in the sense that you feel very bad about being single, in danger of "losing hope" and so on. Like somebody else said, maybe you should think about what a relationship will add to your life that you don't already have. I don't like the idea of going out with somebody who could not have had a fulfilling life on their own. Not all guys would feel the same.

You dont sound cruel, but you do sounbd judgmental. i HAVE had a fulfilling life for over two years, but frankly, being single gets old. maybe since you've never had a long-term relationship yourself you can't miss it, but i have had one and do know what i'm missing.

and when did i ever say i want to find meaning through romance? when did i say i "needed" to be with someone? lay off the judgment a little. there's nothing wrong with wanting to fall in love, as long as it doesn;t become your only thought and source of validation, which it certainly has not become for me.

Cheeky Chick wrote: »

Well I don't have much trust in fella's no offence to the lads! I was only ever involved with a fella for about 3 months then met my ex which i broke up with after 2 and a half years thought when i met him this is so different and we got on so well but it turned out he was a liar and a cheat and was very good at hiding it! I knew he'd lie to me but me being me never confronted him about it and it just all came to a head and now we dont talk had to change my number. Then met a fella few months after and he just treated me like dirt never would ignore me for days on end.

But i havent given up totally, I know theres fella's out there who are decent but I'm not goin to go out and start looking for this fella. The right fella will come to you when u least expect it. Keep going out and enjoying yourself, it'll happen, but dont just settle for anyone, put yourself first. Dont rush into anything

i suppose that's a big part of my problem right now, not giving up hope after encountering so many losers. i know there are great guys in the world because several of my friends have met them. i really think it's just a timing issue, but time can be enough to drive a girl mad!

nkay1985 wrote: »

OP, I think you're on the right track. You're open to the idea of that Mr. Right, which means he'll come along. You don't need to be searching the planet for him or anything.

You ask how to not lose hope? I think that the only way not to, is to realise that by losing hope, you'll never find him! As long as you have that hope, you're open to advances. But the second you lose that hope, the second you let yourself think that it'll never happen, that's the second that guarantees that it won't!

Try your hardest to not let it get you down, to keep your positive frame of mind and good things will come

thanks! i'll keep all this in mind.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

You dont sound cruel, but you do sounbd judgmental. i HAVE had a fulfilling life for over two years, but frankly, being single gets old. maybe since you've never had a long-term relationship yourself you can't miss it, but i have had one and do know what i'm missing.

and when did i ever say i want to find meaning through romance? when did i say i "needed" to be with someone? lay off the judgment a little. there's nothing wrong with wanting to fall in love, as long as it doesn;t become your only thought and source of validation, which it certainly has not become for me.

Maybe I could be a little more sensitive, it's just that I get a sense of helplessness, like you REALLY REALLY want to fall in love, but just CAN'T. There must be a way of dealing with this problem without feeling this way. There could be more positivity in the rest of your life, or there could be better ways of actively finding someone, so you that you thought your chances were better. Change your behaviour so that (1) you meet more potential boyfriends (I guess this means putting yourself out there a bit more), and (2) you will be happy even if you don't find one (although my impression from other people, including yourself, is that they find this impossible).

In general, my advice is this: If there is something you really want, then you should try to understand how much you're willing to sacrifice in order to get it, and then go about achieving it in the right frame of mind. Put this goal (finding a partner) in the context of your other life goals, decide how important it is, and make a plan about how you are going to get there.

At least, that is how I do things. But then maybe you don't want some anonymous person's internet advice. I am the type of person who will bail out of a relationship as soon as the girl gets attached to me. But I enjoy writing down my opinions here....

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Maybe I could be a little more sensitive, it's just that I get a sense of helplessness, like you REALLY REALLY want to fall in love, but just CAN'T. There must be a way of dealing with this problem without feeling this way. There could be more positivity in the rest of your life, or there could be better ways of actively finding someone, so you that you thought your chances were better. Change your behaviour so that (1) you meet more potential boyfriends (I guess this means putting yourself out there a bit more), and (2) you will be happy even if you don't find one (although my impression from other people, including yourself, is that they find this impossible).

In general, my advice is this: If there is something you really want, then you should try to understand how much you're willing to sacrifice in order to get it, and then go about achieving it in the right frame of mind. Put this goal (finding a partner) in the context of your other life goals, decide how important it is, and make a plan about how you are going to get there.

At least, that is how I do things. But then maybe you don't want some anonymous person's internet advice. I am the type of person who will bail out of a relationship as soon as the girl gets attached to me. But I enjoy writing down my opinions here....

maybe there's a sense of helplessness, i'll consider that. i wouldnt say i REALLY REALLY want to fall in love, but sure it'd be nice. there are other things in my life im currently pursuing that i REALLY REALLY want to do that have nothing whatsoever to do with a man. ill consider your suggestions. im not sure they apply, but they're at least food for thought.

and i once again have to take issue with you saying i wont be happy without a man. i never said that and i dont appreciate you putting words into my mouth. i undersand that everyone has different life experiences, but i do not like you foisting yours onto me. and it isnt exactly like a person can say 'im going to find the love of my life', put it onto a todo list, and make it happen. it isnt like training for a marathon or something.

your second to last line sort of struck me. i think we just need to call a truce, doubtful that we'll reach any sort of agreement in that case!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

There could be more I am the type of person who will bail out of a relationship as soon as the girl gets attached to me. But I enjoy writing down my opinions here....

I'm in a vaguely similar position to the OP. And vaguely similar to this unreg guy. I went out with lots of guys up until when I was 21, and I used to bail when they got too serious. Then I fell in love, went out with a guy for a year. Broke up, was single for a few months, went out with another guy for a year and then was single a few months and then went out with a guy for over 3 years. I've been single for nearly a year now. I decided after the last guy that I wanted to be single for a while. I kinda think that people who jump out of relationships are a bit scared of being rejected ultimately, same for guys as girls. That's my opinion based on a number of my friends (male and female) that can't go out with someone for any length of time.

I don't think people realise how good being in a relationship is until they really fall for someone, so I'm not sure the unreg guy is the best person to get advice from.. I feel a bit like the OP, I'd like to fall in love again now that I've been single for a year. I have loads going on in my life, I've gone way up the career ladder. I have loads of friends and hobbies/sport outlets. But wanting an OH is a natural normal thing! It doesn't make you a desperado, in fairness, it's what keeps the world spinning...

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

maybe there's a sense of helplessness, i'll consider that. i wouldnt say i REALLY REALLY want to fall in love, but sure it'd be nice. there are other things in my life im currently pursuing that i REALLY REALLY want to do that have nothing whatsoever to do with a man. ill consider your suggestions. im not sure they apply, but they're at least food for thought.

and i once again have to take issue with you saying i wont be happy without a man. i never said that and i dont appreciate you putting words into my mouth. i undersand that everyone has different life experiences, but i do not like you foisting yours onto me. and it isnt exactly like a person can say 'im going to find the love of my life', put it onto a todo list, and make it happen. it isnt like training for a marathon or something.

your second to last line sort of struck me. i think we just need to call a truce, doubtful that we'll reach any sort of agreement in that case!

Hey there. I hope you haven't found this interaction too annoying. If I said some things that don't apply to you then just ignore them and accept my apologies. And yeah, you'd probably be better off listening to similarboat instead, since she sounds like she understands much better.

It's true that I have VERY little understanding of how women think. Almost NONE, in fact. Here are some overly-broad, mildly offensive generalisations about women (and I am not saying that any of them apply to you!):

I don't understand why they get so attached to their partners (esp. to bad guys). I don't understand why love relationships are important for their sense of self-worth. I don't understand why they get frustrated about not finding "Mr. Right" when, in general, they are completely unwilling to ever make the first move or otherwise take active steps to get him, leaving it up to guys to take all of the risks that go with approaching potential partners. And then I don't understand why they say they are disappointed when they find out that most of the guys who like to take those risks are thugs and idiots.

So now you know how little I understand. None of this bothers me, by the way. It's better just to accept unfortunate facts and deal with them. When I decide to date a girl, I know that I am probably going to lose interest very quickly. But at least I have realistic expectations! Maybe if you had more realistic expectations, you wouldn't feel down anymore. Life sucks sometimes - the only choice is to get frustrated or to deal. (Probably not something your girl friends would say to you...) I will do as you suggest, accept a truce, and exit this thread now. Good luck to you.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey there. I hope you haven't found this interaction too annoying. If I said some things that don't apply to you then just ignore them and accept my apologies. And yeah, you'd probably be better off listening to similarboat instead, since she sounds like she understands much better.

It's true that I have VERY little understanding of how women think. Almost NONE, in fact. Here are some overly-broad, mildly offensive generalisations about women (and I am not saying that any of them apply to you!):

I don't understand why they get so attached to their partners (esp. to bad guys). I don't understand why love relationships are important for their sense of self-worth. I don't understand why they get frustrated about not finding "Mr. Right" when, in general, they are completely unwilling to ever make the first move or otherwise take active steps to get him, leaving it up to guys to take all of the risks that go with approaching potential partners. And then I don't understand why they say they are disappointed when they find out that most of the guys who like to take those risks are thugs and idiots.

So now you know how little I understand. None of this bothers me, by the way. It's better just to accept unfortunate facts and deal with them. When I decide to date a girl, I know that I am probably going to lose interest very quickly. But at least I have realistic expectations! Maybe if you had more realistic expectations, you wouldn't feel down anymore. Life sucks sometimes - the only choice is to get frustrated or to deal. (Probably not something your girl friends would say to you...) I will do as you suggest, accept a truce, and exit this thread now. Good luck to you.

hasn't been annoying at all! interesting, actually. i wish one of us had used our real logins so we could continue this over pm, but no biggie.

there are all sorts of reasons why women get attached to their partners. i think it's the same reason for your question about why love relationships are important to them; love is a natural human inclination and a natural drive. i think that's about as simple and clear as it gets. men are socialised to be more reserved with their emotions so they aren't as open about it, but the drive is with them as well. bad boys are an entirely different story and generally relate to poor self-esteem, poor relationships with their fathers, and maybe for some bad guys are more attractive becayse the women know it will end poorly and it's easier to handle disappointment when you see it coming.

i don't know why so many women refuse to pursue men. i'm not one of them so i cant answer that!

but why accept that youll lose interest very quickly? why not examine that a bit, maybe realise the cause, and try to fix it? you sound like you could be a catch if you worked on that quirk of yours.

LegacyUser

Well first off I have never ever replied to one of these thread things before! but i think the way i am feeling right now i really need an insight from other people who dont know me!

So basically I was with on guy from school for 5 and a half years from 14 and a half to 20 ish, now i have been split with him for 2 and a half years. we split bcos as we grew up we grew apart and wanted diff things. i dont miss him but it do now miss the ´boyfriend´´ things ya know.

So in my first time of been single i of course loved it i was having the time of my life doing what i wnated when i wanted bought i wanted without having to ask or be questioned ya know, but id say in the last year or so ive more and more wanted to start a relationship again, ya know i feel ive had my ´me´time and that id like a boyfriend again to share my days with, someone to love, someone to love me, that partnership, like it can be you 2 against the world, just even someone to curl up on the sofa with, ya know all those nice little things.

and its not for want of going out ya know there is one guy bless him he keeps trying but that spark is not there, the spark has been there in the last yeear and a half wit lets say 4 people, not so many but everytime i have got hurt, and theyve just let me down, one more recently planned to go out and then never even rung or text the exact day we were ´going out´until midnight that nite, and more recently a guy has been really flirting with me at the gym, and he gave me his msn and tonight after an hour of chatting i ask if he has a gf and hes says thats the problem yes, but he didnt tell me str8 off and i am sure that if i did not ask he would not have told me.

so i feel like bcos its xmas its that time of year im really at the end of my tether thinkin even tho i am only 22 i am never goign to find someone i like and they actually like me and im going to grow old single and never experience love again. I know you always think the grass is greener on the other side and when u r single u want to be in a relationship, and then when u r in a relationship u want to be single. And that you will find someone when you stop looking! so i am stopping now! I am happy with my self i just feel like i am missing out on the relationship side of things sometimes, and was just wondering if someone could help shed some light on this! Please! Thanks

Victor

Poster, I've broken your post into paragraphs. However, it is really unfair on other users to have to decipher your txtspk and poor grammar & punctuation. Running a spell-check shouldn't be that hard.

Unregistered wrote: »

Well first off I have never ever replied to one of these thread things before! but i think the way i am feeling right now i really need an insight from other people who dont know me!

So basically I was with on guy from school for 5 and a half years from 14 and a half to 20 ish, now i have been split with him for 2 and a half years. we split bcos as we grew up we grew apart and wanted diff things. i dont miss him but it do now miss the ´boyfriend´´ things ya know.

So in my first time of been single i of course loved it i was having the time of my life doing what i wnated when i wanted bought i wanted without having to ask or be questioned ya know, but id say in the last year or so ive more and more wanted to start a relationship again, ya know i feel ive had my ´me´time and that id like a boyfriend again to share my days with, someone to love, someone to love me, that partnership, like it can be you 2 against the world, just even someone to curl up on the sofa with, ya know all those nice little things.

and its not for want of going out ya know there is one guy bless him he keeps trying but that spark is not there, the spark has been there in the last yeear and a half wit lets say 4 people, not so many but everytime i have got hurt, and theyve just let me down, one more recently planned to go out and then never even rung or text the exact day we were ´going out´until midnight that nite, and more recently a guy has been really flirting with me at the gym, and he gave me his msn and tonight after an hour of chatting i ask if he has a gf and hes says thats the problem yes, but he didnt tell me str8 off and i am sure that if i did not ask he would not have told me.

so i feel like bcos its xmas its that time of year im really at the end of my tether thinkin even tho i am only 22 i am never goign to find someone i like and they actually like me and im going to grow old single and never experience love again. I know you always think the grass is greener on the other side and when u r single u want to be in a relationship, and then when u r in a relationship u want to be single. And that you will find someone when you stop looking! so i am stopping now! I am happy with my self i just feel like i am missing out on the relationship side of things sometimes, and was just wondering if someone could help shed some light on this! Please! Thanks

panda100

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a single woman in her mid-20's. I've been single for a couple of years and I'm sick of being single!!!!!! I'm ready for love and a relationship! I know it's a timing thing--sometimes it just takes ages to find someone you really click with and all that. And I've been on plenty of dates, so it isn't that no one finds me worthwhile or I'm desperate (because in that case, I wouldve gone off with the first lad that looked at me), but mostly I'm just wondering how other single people cope with being single without going mad. It can be quite frustrating, and I'm wondering how other people hold onto faith that someone grand is on the way.

And before anyone tells me to get a life (people can be pretty cruel on PI, I've noticed), I do keep myself busy with friends and such. It isn't that I'm sitting around bemoaning my single state all the time. I'm just wondering how to prevent frustration and giving up hope, that's all!

Hey op, I'm in a pretty similar situation at the mo, well minus the going on lots of dates part.
I dont really want to get married but It would be nice to just experience that whole rush of meeting someone,falling in love and having someone to cuddle up to on a Friday night.
I cant offer much in the way of advice but I guess its good to know that theres lots of people in the same boat as you. The single life can get tedious and boring after a few years.

I guess my only advice on how to not lose hope is dont get stuck in a self pitying singles rut. Do something completly different every now and again just to get a new perspective on things and shake things up in your life.

And the preventing frustration......two words ,f*ck buddy. This doesnt have to be just a purely sexual thing,its just nice kissing and cuddling someone familiar every now and again.


Oh and forgot to say that being single is always worse at this time of year. There seems to be kissy couples everywhere and all you want to do is curl up with someone infront of a roaring fire while toasting marshmallows. Highly annoying!

MIN2511

I think there are many people in the same boat as the OP and the 'judgemental dude' at the end of the day, you have to make an effort for a relationship to work.
We all want to believe in fairy tales, but thats not the way life is...
Women and Men are too shy to approach someone they are attracted to, and when they do they spend too much time thinking of the right/wrong time to text or ring them and then they start pondering about past and future.

You win some and you lose some....







Quick one: on boards when i read replies i think "awww, sounds so honest" in reality the people are not...

mutualismo

Unregistered wrote: »

hasn't been annoying at all! interesting, actually. i wish one of us had used our real logins so we could continue this over pm, but no biggie.

there are all sorts of reasons why women get attached to their partners. i think it's the same reason for your question about why love relationships are important to them; love is a natural human inclination and a natural drive. i think that's about as simple and clear as it gets. men are socialised to be more reserved with their emotions so they aren't as open about it, but the drive is with them as well. bad boys are an entirely different story and generally relate to poor self-esteem, poor relationships with their fathers, and maybe for some bad guys are more attractive becayse the women know it will end poorly and it's easier to handle disappointment when you see it coming.

i don't know why so many women refuse to pursue men. i'm not one of them so i cant answer that!

but why accept that youll lose interest very quickly? why not examine that a bit, maybe realise the cause, and try to fix it? you sound like you could be a catch if you worked on that quirk of yours.

Hi, I just set up an account (didn't have one before). Looking back over this thread, it seems pretty clear that things are going to work out for you! Thank you for the reply and advice - I'd be glad to stay in touch.

dlofnep

Been single 4 years. Tell me about it.

Sonderval

7 years here, I think

Not hugely fussed about it, tbh. Haven't really met anyone who tickles my fancy, or if I do, they're in a relationship already.

Fortunately, I enjoy who I am - maybe thats a problem

Shelllz

Hi OP, in a similar situation to yourself! and finding it extremely hard to keep the faith at the mo! Was out on Friday night met what i thought was a really nice guy- got on like a house on fire- instant connection that doesn't happen that often..... anyway had a kiss, exchanged numbers, there was talk of a date next week- all his idea!

So woke up on Saturday morning very happy with myself! Was on the internet, logged into facebook..... curiosity got the better of me and I typed in his name............turns out he has a girlfriend! what a let down! I have absolutely no time or respect for anyone who does that! now i know all men aren't the same but I just seem to be attracting the type with no morals recently!!- and guys I'm not saying all guys are like this- i know there are plenty of women like this too!

But despite all this i don't suppose we've any choice but to keep the faith! Hard and all as it is! We've gotta have some hope!

Anyway sorry for hijacking your thread! just wanted to have a little rant about that! As it was very disappointing!
anyway on wards and up wards!!
Best of luck xx

LegacyUser

panda100 wrote: »

Hey op, I'm in a pretty similar situation at the mo, well minus the going on lots of dates part.
I dont really want to get married but It would be nice to just experience that whole rush of meeting someone,falling in love and having someone to cuddle up to on a Friday night.
I cant offer much in the way of advice but I guess its good to know that theres lots of people in the same boat as you. The single life can get tedious and boring after a few years.

I guess my only advice on how to not lose hope is dont get stuck in a self pitying singles rut. Do something completly different every now and again just to get a new perspective on things and shake things up in your life.

And the preventing frustration......two words ,f*ck buddy. This doesnt have to be just a purely sexual thing,its just nice kissing and cuddling someone familiar every now and again.


Oh and forgot to say that being single is always worse at this time of year. There seems to be kissy couples everywhere and all you want to do is curl up with someone infront of a roaring fire while toasting marshmallows. Highly annoying!

I agreed with everything you wrote! i made the mistake of going into tiffany's with my friend yesterday...im nowhere close to wanting to get married, but all the men buying lovely christmas presents for their wimmen sort of drove home that im single lol.

it's nice to know there's somone out there feeling like i am, cheers!

MIN2511 wrote: »

I think there are many people in the same boat as the OP and the 'judgemental dude' at the end of the day, you have to make an effort for a relationship to work.
We all want to believe in fairy tales, but thats not the way life is...
Women and Men are too shy to approach someone they are attracted to, and when they do they spend too much time thinking of the right/wrong time to text or ring them and then they start pondering about past and future.

You win some and you lose some....

Quick one: on boards when i read replies i think "awww, sounds so honest" in reality the people are not...

yeah, over-analysing is a big hinderance to relationships, your right about that. and lifes not a fairy tale, thats for sure, but things do work out for some people so it must be possible sometimes. thanks for the input!

dlofnep wrote: »

Been single 4 years. Tell me about it.

noooo, you tell me about it! are you going mad or are yo fine with it?

Sonderval wrote: »

7 years here, I think

Not hugely fussed about it, tbh. Haven't really met anyone who tickles my fancy, or if I do, they're in a relationship already.

Fortunately, I enjoy who I am - maybe thats a problem

yep, i've been conisdering that maybe being single is bothering me because of self-esteem issues or something. i think it's more that i feel like i'm not living life to my fullest, though. love is an adventure and i love adventures, so sitting that out gets me down a bit.

Shelllz wrote: »

Hi OP, in a similar situation to yourself! and finding it extremely hard to keep the faith at the mo! Was out on Friday night met what i thought was a really nice guy- got on like a house on fire- instant connection that doesn't happen that often..... anyway had a kiss, exchanged numbers, there was talk of a date next week- all his idea!

So woke up on Saturday morning very happy with myself! Was on the internet, logged into facebook..... curiosity got the better of me and I typed in his name............turns out he has a girlfriend! what a let down! I have absolutely no time or respect for anyone who does that! now i know all men aren't the same but I just seem to be attracting the type with no morals recently!!- and guys I'm not saying all guys are like this- i know there are plenty of women like this too!

But despite all this i don't suppose we've any choice but to keep the faith! Hard and all as it is! We've gotta have some hope!

Anyway sorry for hijacking your thread! just wanted to have a little rant about that! As it was very disappointing!
anyway on wards and up wards!!
Best of luck xx

thats awful! so sorry to hear that. what an ass. thank goodness you decided to stalk him, better to find out sooner than later. still, those sorts of encoutners really make it difficult to believe that there's a great one out there.