Very Broody Girlfriend

partyguinness

More for the lads really... but 3 of my g/friends friends are married with kids and 2 of them are pregnant again. My g/friend is 33 and is very very very broody to the extent that she states quiet openly that wants "one".

It doesnt freak me out or anything as we love each other very much and have discussed marriage and children etc and that is our plan.

Anyone else have experiences of very broody g/friends? how did it develop?

chops1990

I dunno much as I'm only a young fella of 18. But I think its that their "clock" is ticking and they get an urge to be a mother before the "clock" stops ticking.

ntlbell

Yup "dealing" with one at the moment, had a phase last year.

Do lots of things you wouldn't be able to do if you had kids remind her how much freedom you have without them just keep her distracted with shiney things

ecaf

I'm fairly broody and I'm not 30 yet! I've been going on at the OH for years now about wanting "one", as you say.
We plan to get married, build a house and have 1/2/3... (hopefully!)

I know very well that neither of us really want one until we have the house and everything is secure, but if it just happened well it wouldn't matter too much to either of us. BTW there is no perfect time to have one, just keep that in mind.

It doesn't stop me from going on about it though, and when 2 of my friends had babies over the last few years I did find it difficult, but I have to try and think on the practical side too.

I'm sure if you just tell her your plans, married first + security etc and discuss hers, then she could be the same as me. But I'd say when I'm 30+ (nxt year) the clock with start ticking a lot louder. We are being told all of the time about infertility increasing and by the time you are 35+ it becomes a lot harder to conceive. I would say that all of this is also at the back of your girlfriend's mind.

Hope some of this makes sense.

Malari

partyguinness wrote: »

More for the lads really... but 3 of my g/friends friends are married with kids and 2 of them are pregnant again. My g/friend is 33 and is very very very broody to the extent that she states quiet openly that wants "one".

It doesnt freak me out or anything as we love each other very much and have discussed marriage and children etc and that is our plan.

Anyone else have experiences of very broody g/friends? how did it develop?

What exactly is the issue? If you have discussed marriage and kids I assume you are interested in having "one" too, so is it that she seems to want to get pregnant now without getting married first? Or is the issue that she is like a broken record?

bored and tired

i was distracted with the promise of shiny things,
I got the shiny things and now that the date is approaching
you guessed it im broody again,

ecaf

ntlbell wrote: »

Yup "dealing" with one at the moment, had a phase last year.

Do lots of things you wouldn't be able to do if you had kids remind her how much freedom you have without them just keep her distracted with shiney things

That's just awful ntlbell, I hope you were joking???

I always knew that I wanted to have kids, and discussed it early on with my OH. There's no point kidding each other if we want different things! - OP do you want to have kids? Because if you don't I think you should really discuss it with her.

partyguinness

ecaf wrote: »

I'm fairly broody and I'm not 30 yet! I've been going on at the OH for years now about wanting "one", as you say.
We plan to get married, build a house and have 1/2/3... (hopefully!)

I know very well that neither of us really want one until we have the house and everything is secure, but if it just happened well it wouldn't matter too much to either of us. BTW there is no perfect time to have one, just keep that in mind.

It doesn't stop me from going on about it though, and when 2 of my friends had babies over the last few years I did find it difficult, but I have to try and think on the practical side too.

I'm sure if you just tell her your plans, married first + security etc and discuss hers, then she could be the same as me. But I'd say when I'm 30+ (nxt year) the clock with start ticking a lot louder. We are being told all of the time about infertility increasing and by the time you are 35+ it becomes a lot harder to conceive. I would say that all of this is also at the back of your girlfriend's mind.

Hope some of this makes sense.

Absolutely..she is 34 next year (I am 31 next year) and she is very conscious of it as we plan to spend a few months traveling in 2010 when her commercial lease i up..at that stage she will be 35 so its very much on her mind which I understand and I am aware of it too but its all the practical side...I joke with her that she is just using me for my sperm...

she asked me at the wend would I go for sperm tests to ensure that there are no problems..(not now but whenever we decide to go for it)...there is no point spending 2 years trying to conceive only then to find out one of us has a prob...

kmick

You better hurry up I heard some baby doctor on the radio saying that at 35 you were classed as clinically infertile due to poor quality eggs.

partyguinness

Malari wrote: »

What exactly is the issue? If you have discussed marriage and kids I assume you are interested in having "one" too, so is it that she seems to want to get pregnant now without getting married first? Or is the issue that she is like a broken record?

Well there is no issue as such...it just a new experience and looking for thoughts/observations..thats all..:) and yes I do want children with her...

chops1990

Well if ye both want kids and are "secure", I think ye should sacrifice the few months travelling if ye want a baby more. Like everyon says "communication is key"

Malari

partyguinness wrote: »

Well there is no issue as such...it just a new experience and looking for thoughts/observations..thats all..:) and yes I do want children with her...

OK, I see what you mean now, with the fertility tests, etc. If my partner was keen on kids and started on that kind of tack I'd get a bit uneasy I suppose. But then I've never felt that clock ticking so it would be new for me too. :P

If you are both planning on kids anyway, I'd say go along with her suggestions - they do seem to make sense. I would say reassure her and the intensity of the pressure will probably decrease. I think that works for all things really, where one partner wants something really badly and the other doesn't mind but doesn't have the same desire.

cmcsoft

Not being an expert on the subject, I think it's only natural when friends start having kids that she would get broody. It is a stable relationship that is going in the right direction then she's probably just looking for that bit of reassurance that it is going to happen in time. Talk to her about your immediate plans and see how she feels about the travelling, marriage etc

ntlbell

ecaf wrote: »

That's just awful ntlbell, I hope you were joking???

I always knew that I wanted to have kids, and discussed it early on with my OH. There's no point kidding each other if we want different things! - OP do you want to have kids? Because if you don't I think you should really discuss it with her.

It's discussed we both want the same thing.

I don't see what that has to do with the odd broody phase brought on by seeing other people's new born's it passes.

ecaf

ntlbell wrote: »

It's discussed we both want the same thing.

I don't see what that has to do with the odd broody phase brought on by seeing other people's new born's it passes.

Sorry I thought you meant buy her shiny things and she'll stop being broody forever?? I thought you were implying that the OP wouldn't ever want kids and he's just leading her along by not telling her and buying shiny things instead.

ntlbell

ecaf wrote: »

Sorry I thought you meant buy her shiny things and she'll stop being broody forever?? I thought you were implying that the OP wouldn't ever want kids and he's just leading her along by not telling her and buying shiny things instead.

No, not at all.

Moonbeam

I can't see why you are surprised,she is getting older and her biological clock is ticking away.
Also after leaving it so late if there are complications with her getting pregnant it might mean that she will never get a chance.

partyguinness

Moonbeam wrote: »

I can't see why you are surprised,she is getting older and her biological clock is ticking away.
Also after leaving it so late if there are complications with her getting pregnant it might mean that she will never get a chance.

I don't recall expressing surprise and I am not surprised in the slightest.....

stardiva

Moonbeam wrote: »

I can't see why you are surprised,she is getting older and her biological clock is ticking away.
Also after leaving it so late if there are complications with her getting pregnant it might mean that she will never get a chance.

If I had read this five months ago, I would have been worried sick about not being able to conceive at the (apparently) very old age of 34.

Well, rest assured all you old women out there that I conceived within the very first month . I myself was shocked to the say the least, having heard scare stories like the one above before, and when I said this to my doctor she told me not to talk nonsense and that I wasn't old at all. So there! :P

b3t4

partyguinness, do you want to have more than one kid?

Let's add up things here:
Girlfriend is 33
Next year ye get pregnant, she's 34.
When she's nearly 35 baby will be born.
To be fair on her and yourselves it would be nice to leave 2yrs till talk of the next baba.
2yrs later your girlfriend is 37 and you're trying for baba number 2.
37 is not 33 in the fertility game.

Do you now get why she's stressing about this?

My advise to you is to grow a pair and face up to what you do or do not want and discuss this with her in an open and adult fashion.

A.

John Mason

kmick wrote: »

You better hurry up I heard some baby doctor on the radio saying that at 35 you were classed as clinically infertile due to poor quality eggs.

LOL, now that is lovely. any evidence to back this up?

Grawns

stardiva wrote: »

If I had read this five months ago, I would have been worried sick about not being able to conceive at the (apparently) very old age of 34.

Well, rest assured all you old women out there that I conceived within the very first month . I myself was shocked to the say the least, having heard scare stories like the one above before, and when I said this to my doctor she told me not to talk nonsense and that I wasn't old at all. So there! :P

Have you considered you were lucky! Your doc is talking nonsense. So there :P

Glowing

b3t4 wrote: »

partyguinness, do you want to have more than one kid?

Let's add up things here:
Girlfriend is 33
Next year ye get pregnant, she's 34.
When she's nearly 35 baby will be born.
To be fair on her and yourselves it would be nice to leave 2yrs till talk of the next baba.
2yrs later your girlfriend is 37 and you're trying for baba number 2.
37 is not 33 in the fertility game.

Do you now get why she's stressing about this?

My advise to you is to grow a pair and face up to what you do or do not want and discuss this with her in an open and adult fashion.

A.

Good advice. That's best case. It can take some couples 6 months or a year to get pregnant, sometimes longer.

littlebug

Glowing wrote: »

Good advice. That's best case. It can take some couples 6 months or a year to get pregnant, sometimes longer.

Tis true. I got preg straight away at 32 but it took a year to get preg again at 34. lots of my friends took longer second time round.

beth-lou

There is lots of evidence that supports the fact that after 35 your fertility starts to decrease. There is also an increased risk of downs syndrome and other conditions after the age of 35, so perhaps she would prefer to have her babies sooner rather than later to give you both the best chance of a healthy pregnancy and baby. It gets harder as you get older, believe me, your body isn't as well equipped to deal with pregnancy as you get older.

I had my first at 27, which was a breeze. The second pregnancy at 33, which was much more tiring and harder. And now my third pregnancy at 34, baby will be born when I'm 35 and it is much harder and I am tired all the time. This will be my last pregnancy and I'm glad to have it all over with by the age of 35. I wouldn't want to be starting at this age.

As has been said, there is never a right time to have a baby. If you both want a baby and want more than one, discuss it now and maybe go for it. With one baby you can still do so much. But I certainly would give serious thought to timing and how many kids you want, and how much energy you are going to have in your forties for newborns, if you are only starting out at 37. Of course you can have babies in your forties, but there are certain risks involved and maybe you should read up a bit and start to plan the best time.

Kids are the best thing that will ever happen to you. Don't put it off for too long. They're a treasure.