A land down under

LegacyUser

I'm going unreg cos my gf knows it username.Really simple problem- my girlfriend won't let me go down on her. no matter how much I beg she still refuses to give me access.we've been going out ages and this is really bothering me now- I don't know what to say;I just really love doing it, but she just won't budge. It's come to the point where earlier tonight I was chatting to a girl in a club and I mentioned the problem, and she was all like "God,I wish I had a guy who'd do that to me, and I was on the brink of going home with her and just giving her a good lick out. The next time it comes up I think I might- I know it's wrong. But i'm just so desperate for the taste and the smell of a good pussy. Guys, is that normal? Girls,what's her problem and how do I talk her round?

milod

Unregistered wrote: »

...I was on the brink of going home with her and just giving her a good lick out. The next time it comes up I think I might- I know it's wrong. But i'm just so desperate for the taste and the smell of a good pussy. Guys, is that normal? Girls,what's her problem and how do I talk her round?

Jeez I dunno, you sound like a right romantic ol' bugger - can't really see the problem...

Seriously though, if she's got issues round that, and you're unhappy about it, you need to ask her if she'll accompany you to see a sex therapist.

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

.. I was chatting to a girl in a club and I mentioned the problem, and she was all like "God,I wish I had a guy who'd do that to me, and I was on the brink of going home with her and just giving her a good lick out. The next time it comes up I think I might- I know it's wrong.

Ok, Firstly why on earth would you discuss personal sex issues with a random girl? If I was your gf I would not be impressed you were talking about that stuff with some randomer. And you were on the brink of going home with this girl just for that? And would do it in future just because your gf won't let you? No offence but that doesn't really sound like you care for your gf that much.
You say you've been 'going out ages' -- how long is 'ages' exactly? Some people a) don't like oral and b) need to feel very secure before they allow that to happen. If you're very pushy about it - she won't ever budge.

If you do genuinely care about your gf, you won't push her. You can gently talk to her, explaining that you enjoy it, that you'd like to do it for her etc, maybe see if she's any issues. But don't force her because that will get you nowhere.

Curvy Vixen

If she doesn't want you to do it then she doesn't want you to do it...why is that so hard to accept Why is it 'her problem' and why do you need the challenge of 'talking her round'? She said no.

If she really, really wanted to shag you up the rear end with a 12" strap on and no lube would you let her just because she really wanted to??

Vic_Mackey

This isn't "her" problem it's "their" problem. Ok, it's a perfectly valid few to think "she doesn't want to do it, tough luck buddy". What if she only want missionary with the lights off? Would that be ok? Yes, and no.

OP, you need to talk to your girlfriend, find out why. It could be that she's not comfortable going down on you, and doesn't want you doing something she won't do to you. She may come around in time (you don't say how long you've been together). It could be she finds the idea horrible and she'll never let you do it.

For me, this would be a deal breaker and if you're willing to cheat to get your "fix" I really don't think she's the one for you, but you need to talk to her and find out why she won't let you.

Wibbs

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

If she really, really wanted to shag you up the rear end with a 12" strap on and no lube would you let her just because she really wanted to??

Wellllll:eek: It depends. If it was something that really got her off then maybe. I'd insist on lube mind.

In any case, bit of an extreme example, though I see your point. Oral would be on the menu for the majority of Gf/BF relationships. It's not really nipple clamp, ostrich feathers up the bum, singing "Im a lumberjack and it's ok" territory. You could go the other extreme and say, well if she doesn't want to be kissed by her partner well then she doesn't want to be kissed. Most would cry foul at that. Oral sex would be an expected part of sexual play and lack thereof would cause some issue. Now of course it can be worked around etc. My concern would be that he doesnt really want to work around it and is likely to play away to get it.

Casey ca

Personally im not a fan of it, i just dont get off on it! Sayin that i do allow my bf to go there bcause he enjoys it! Its just not for everyone. And pushing her into isnt goin to get you anywhere, it will only make her more uncomfortable!!

You should bring it up when ur not in bed or just gettin it on! and please dont use words like pussy, it puts alot of girls off!!!!

Wibbs

Casey ca wrote: »

Personally im not a fan of it, i just dont get off on it! Sayin that i do allow my bf to go there bcause he enjoys it!

Yes there are women who don't get much from it, but at least half the time it's because the guy is simply doing it wrong. I'd put good money there are women posting here who weren't that pushed on it(or other aspects of sex play) for years, until they met someone who knew what they were doing. Try and engage with him and teach him. I know a hard one for some blokes to hear, but if he won't listen and learn, then that's his problem.

Curvy Vixen

Wibbs wrote: »

Wellllll:eek: It depends. If it was something that really got her off then maybe. I'd insist on lube mind.

In any case, bit of an extreme example, though I see your point. Oral would be on the menu for the majority of Gf/BF relationships. It's not really nipple clamp, ostrich feathers up the bum, singing "Im a lumberjack and it's ok" territory. You could go the other extreme and say, well if she doesn't want to be kissed by her partner well then she doesn't want to be kissed. Most would cry foul at that. Oral sex would be an expected part of sexual play and lack thereof would cause some issue. Now of course it can be worked around etc. My concern would be that he doesnt really want to work around it and is likely to play away to get it.

Yeah I purposely took it to an extreme but maybe this is an extreme for his gf? Feathers up the backside and 'I'm a lumberjack and it's okay' could be vanilla for others...

At the end of the day it's the same advice we dispense a 100 times daily...communication is the key. I'm assuming/hoping he's talked to her about it and in his words if she won't budge then she seems to have made her mind up tbh.

I take your point about maybe not having it done right in the past but there are actually some women out there who truthfully just don't like oral. Some men find that impossible to believe and feel that they will be the one to change their mind ~ bit like you must be gay cos you never had the 'right man/woman'

If he's looking at playing away because of this maybe he needs to permanently 'go away' from his gf....

Wibbs you old devil (joke!!!!)

Anyhow my take on this is simple OP.
You are frustrated so you've got to ask yourself is your relationship strong enough to outweigh those frustrations?
Would you rather be going out with someone who will let you give them a good lick out?
Will you get bored with that after a while and go damn why did you dump your current GF?

As regards the "her problem or his problem or their problem" thing-I've a very simple view on that too.
People don't own each other.They are free to break up whether one party doesn't like that decision or not.
Relationships aren't prisons-at least they are not supposed to be.

So OP-the decision is yours at the end of the day and the power is yours.
My advice is not to cheat.If you NEED a regular partner to lick out and ultimately wont/cant get that from your current GF-finish it with yer wan.

JDLK

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm going unreg cos my gf knows it username.Really simple problem- my girlfriend won't let me go down on her. no matter how much I beg she still refuses to give me access.we've been going out ages and this is really bothering me now- I don't know what to say;I just really love doing it, but she just won't budge. It's come to the point where earlier tonight I was chatting to a girl in a club and I mentioned the problem, and she was all like "God,I wish I had a guy who'd do that to me, and I was on the brink of going home with her and just giving her a good lick out. The next time it comes up I think I might- I know it's wrong. But i'm just so desperate for the taste and the smell of a good pussy. Guys, is that normal? Girls,what's her problem and how do I talk her round?

Usually oral sex is based on 1 of 2 dynamics:
1 the pleasure derived from giving pleasure, that is you get pleasure from seeing your GF experiencing pleasure
2 the pleasure derived from the gain of sexual power (or perception of it), that is, you feel that you are sexually attractive and in control because you are able to deliver sexual gratification and possess what you percieve is a sexual commodity.

Both of these provide psychological benefits for the giver rather than physical gratification (unless oral sex is being used as pretext or a conduit to full sex)
Both are natural but are used for different benefits, the first being about 2 people the second being more about you.

The need for "the taste and smell of a good pussy", in my opinion is not the real issue as taste and smell are not necessarily physical urges which need to be gratified, it certainly seems an extreme fetish to risk ones relationship for the taste and smell of something.

I get the impression that you might fit into number 2 above as it your GF's pleasure seems to have been put to one side.

If I were you I would examine what it is about the act of giving oral sex that pre-occupies you. Do you feel it makes you more attractive to women, do you think it makes you a beter lover, do you think it shifts the sexual power dynamic to your favour, do you feel that using oral sex as a commodity you can exchange it for other things such as attention- this could be linked to low self esteem.

Regarless of gender a fixation on the need to perform a sexual act to the point where it puts your realtionship at risk is certainly something to be examined

Ask yourself this question: If you went home with that girl and she did not enjoy the oral sex you performed would you have still derived gratification from the act. If no, then I would say it is not a simple as "wanting the taste and smell"

With regards to talking your GF round, you should certainly speak to her about your "need" to perform oral sex once you understand it more. I am sure she see your attempts to perform oral sex as a method to gratify her sexually however if she does not derive any satisfaction from it then she will see it as a futile exercise- would you derive pleasure from the "taste and smell" of her if she didnt get any sexual gratification from the act? if it is a case that you want to perform an act that puts you in control of the sexual power dynamics and delivers sexual gratification to your GF then I suggest you ask her what really turns her on

chops1990

Forget all this relationship phsycology mumbo jumbo. If its not a serious relationship just leave to get your satisfaction elsewhere.

LegacyUser

OP, speaking as a girl who also doesn't being "licked out" I recommend not going ahead with your plan to just do it to her whether she likes it or not. A better option would be to talk to her about it, see if you can compromise by doing something for her in exchange for her letting you do it once in a while. If she agrees. Agree (both of you) to try lots of new things. Either you'll discover things that you (both) do enjoy or you'll find out if your sexual styles really are too incompatible.

LegacyUser

I just want to clear up a few things. When I said we'd been going out ages I meant over a year, which is a long time for me- before this all my 'relationships' if you could call them that all only lasted about 2 months and were purely sexual really.

About my gf- I really like her and sex is great in every other way. If she didn't like oral that'd be one thing but she's never even tried it- being a good judge of women generally (well in bed anyway) I am pretty sure that she'd love it, but she won't even let me show her. Btw she does do it for me already so it's not a fear of reciprocation or anything.

To my critics I'd like to point out that I DIDN'T go home with the other girl and have never cheated, I was just tempted by the obvious opportunity as I think most guys are sometimes.

You all might be asking what's my problem and think I have it pretty good, but I just really like doing it so much, physically and from the psychological pleasure of her enjoyment (which I know she would). Also, it just bothers me as to why she won't do it, does she not trust me? I gave up a great single life cos she's the first person I've loved and trust completely, but what's the point if she's not there with me?

HouseHippo

Go out with me instead lol
No seriously if she doesn't like she just doesn't....Maybe if you let ehr put her finger up your arse or something lol.

It is possible it is due to shyness.Maybe she doesn't want your head up in that area,so close,seeing everything in detail.I was like that at first so talk to her about it instead off people on boards. Any couple worth their salt should be able to discuss their sexual relationship
Also don't discuss your gf's sexual disires and/or lack of to other women.I can guarantee she wont let you lick anything she finds out...

St Bill

OP that girl you met in the niteclub seemed to be remarkably understanding. I'd say go with her (if you see her again) - you never know what you might get out of it

Fauldy Banny

If you like 'yoodeling up the valley' but she doesn't like it then find someone that does like it.
I think it's strange that some women don't like it, every women who was on the receiving end of my tongue always had very intense orgasms.

Oral sex is very important in a relationship to me and I wouldn't stay in a relationship if there was none.

LolaLuv

Wibbs wrote: »

Yes there are women who don't get much from it, but at least half the time it's because the guy is simply doing it wrong.

I'm one of those wimminz who isn't crazy about receiving oral, and every sex partner I've mentioned it to has said this same damned thing. Then they go at it, and it's the same damned thing. Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't think there's that much variance in technique. I'd say the vast majority of women who dislike it don't like it only because it isn't their preference...it doesn't mean the man is doing anything wrong!

Piste

OP, it could be that she got oral before from another partner and really didn't like it, so is unwilling to let you try because of that.

metrovelvet

^ Unfortunately there are plenty out there who approach it like they are waterprrofing a fence.

IMO oral, is extremely intimate, and requests far more trust on the part of the recipient as well as a relinquishing of control. Ultimately, I think this is what resistance to it comes from.

star-pants

metrovelvet wrote: »

IMO oral, is extremely intimate, and requests far more trust on the part of the recipient as well as a relinquishing of control. Ultimately, I think this is what resistance to it comes from.

Agreed - physical things require trust, and you're very vulnerable during sex. If the OP keeps pushing it might be making it harder for the gf to let go of any anxiety etc around the subject. I don't think it should be a case of 'he's doing it wrong' or 'go find some chick who will let you go down on her'. If the OP likes his gf and doesnt want to end things, then the best way is to just talk to her.

edit: Curvy Vixen made a very valid point below, she may find the idea somewhat gross, I'll be honest I very much felt that way once, the whole thing seemed a bit dirty to me but that was my issue and things have changed. It also had a lot to do with trust too. And if she's not comfortable/fully trusting, she's not going to enjoy it anyway.

Curvy Vixen

Maybe....just maybe....it, or the thought of it, just doesn't turn her on?

Motley Crue

Unregistered wrote: »

It's come to the point where earlier tonight I was chatting to a girl in a club and I mentioned the problem, and she was all like "God,I wish I had a guy who'd do that to me", and I was on the brink of going home with her and just giving her a good lick out. The next time it comes up I think I might- I know it's wrong.

You know, if this is such an issue for you, and your girlfriend....perhaps its best you do end the relationship and continue on your search until you find a relationship with a woman in which she lets this happen.

I dont know who this girl was to say that to you, if she was a friend then I would be worried for your girlfriend, and if she was a complete stranger in a club Id be worried about your girlfriend still - and you, because you are obviously having intimate discussions with other girls

Unregistered wrote: »

But i'm just so desperate for the taste and the smell of a good pussy.

Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting comment.

Koushki

Motley Crue wrote: »

You know, if this is such an issue for you, and your girlfriend....perhaps its best you do end the relationship and continue on your search until you find a relationship with a woman in which she lets this happen.

I dont know who this girl was to say that to you, if she was a friend then I would be worried for your girlfriend, and if she was a complete stranger in a club Id be worried about your girlfriend still - and you, because you are obviously having intimate discussions with other girls



Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting comment.

+1.
You obviously don't care much for your girlfriend if you were going to cheat on her for some girl you just met at a nightclub. She doesn't wanna do it, so get over it. Or for leave her and find someone who will fulfill you sexually, instead of moaning.
tbh, i think she'd leave you in a flash if she found out you wrote that.
Disgusting.

pseudonym1

Op Prehaps if you place a little more respect and thought for the words and lingo you use when talking about sex - it may just be the begining of making her feel more comfortable about things!

I used to really find it off putting and not my idea of a good time. I guess it was a trust thing but also fear that I'd do something wrong (like orgasm!) -seriously sounds silly now just couldn't relax enough to enjoy it.

On a weekend away a lovely ex boyfriend and I shared dinner dessert and champagne.... I didn't do anything wrong but enjoy myself - in fact I realised I was missing out for so long. Please bear in mind Op this was a very loving and trusting relationship!

BTW most girls find crude language when talking about sex tasteless and a turn off

Best of luck

LolaLuv

pseudonym1 wrote: »

BTW most girls find crude language when talking about sex tasteless and a turn off

Very true, but there are also those of us that absolutely love it! Just be yourself so.

pseudonym1

PillyPen wrote: »

Very true, but there are also those of us that absolutely love it! Just be yourself so.

Time and place - will send you a message

chops1990

It seems like all the fellas, such as myself, tell him to find someone else. Girls tell him to work it out with the girl. Maybe girls like relationships alot more than men?

Anyone care to add to that?

Silverfish

Just a reminder, off topic and unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.

chops1990

Hahaha oops

abi2007

PillyPen wrote: »

I'm one of those wimminz who isn't crazy about receiving oral, and every sex partner I've mentioned it to has said this same damned thing. Then they go at it, and it's the same damned thing. Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't think there's that much variance in technique. I'd say the vast majority of women who dislike it don't like it only because it isn't their preference...it doesn't mean the man is doing anything wrong!

You just need a guy that's good at it... it varies big time!!!

LolaLuv

abi2007 wrote: »

You just need a guy that's good at it... it varies big time!!!

Dude...did you even read my post??

abi2007

PillyPen wrote: »

Dude...did you even read my post??

Yeah you said technique doesn't vary.. I disagree!

LolaLuv

abi2007 wrote: »

Yeah you said technique doesn't vary.. I disagree!

Well, then I guess I'm going to have to keep looking!

Curvy Vixen

chops1990 wrote: »

It seems like all the fellas, such as myself, tell him to find someone else. Girls tell him to work it out with the girl. Maybe girls like relationships alot more than men?

Anyone care to add to that?

Yep I'll add to that....I'm a girl and I told him that maybe this relationship isn't for him

Generalisations, in general, aren't a good thing! Like the assumption that all women like oral...

Terpsichore

I found that a lot of men are completely disconnected mentally when it comes to sex, and totally forget about the other person. A lot of guys expect their gf to put on the show, just like switching on the light. “Honey, we’re having sex now, so you have to make noises of content, like in the movies” type of thing.

Well Op! Of course it doesn’t work like that to make a woman open up completely for quality sex. I am quite convinced that a lot of women out there are reduced to fake orgasm all the time…just to put an end to a not so good sex party. It’s a really sad truth.
Op, be somewhat relieved that she’s damn honest with you. But you might take that message from her as: you’re not the one for me.

Op great sex with any lady starts with your generous stroking hands on her body and your loving lips on hers. If you can’t get her in an almost drunk like state doing so (minimum cooking time 2 minutes average), there is little chance she will beg for more and more…

If you’re going at it with all your greedy teeth when she’s cold engine, no wonder she’s backing off! Not saying you’re doing it entirely wrong, just saying that you must work harder at finding the finest tuning with your partner for long lasting pleasure.

Enjoy the adventure. It’s absolutely worth it!

LegacyUser

I dont like it either. Many men have tried and tried again, its just not my thing.

Its hard to explain why but for me it might be something to do with womens parts in the brains of women (and a lot of men) looking so ugly. I just cant relax and the sensation is too slow and gentle for me -it just makes me cringe and it takes a lot of mental effort to stop myself pushing him away. I would much prefer a stronger harder stimulation of penetration if you know what I mean.

Its a lot of pressure on a woman with a man going down there, that also plays a part.
I mean I put myself in his shoes and imagine he is thinking "oh she missed a hair there in her wax/shave" etc or imagine he is thinking "Jesus will she ever come" (answer NO !!!) and stuff like that, its impossible to imagine what they get out of it.

I do let my boyfriend do it as he likes it but its not really my thing. I find it a turn off to be honest.

LegacyUser

I think a lot of women are put off by it because they know the man is just doing it as they think it will impress them, even though the men secretly dont like it, the woman knows this and therefore cant relax and let go.

Plus there is that whole attitude that people have "oh if you dont like it, its because he's doing it wrong" and "I'll be the one to show you how great it is" and you are forced into it whether you like it or not. Its like a competition the man is taking part in with all the other lovers you ever had to show that "hes the man" and can do what no other man can do!

I would say leave her alone. She has her reasons, women dont like to feel unattractive and by forcing her to do something she feels is showing her up at her worst you will just push her away!

LolaLuv

Unregistered wrote: »

I think a lot of women are put off by it because they know the man is just doing it as they think it will impress them, even though the men secretly dont like it, the woman knows this and therefore cant relax and let go.

I don't know about that. The one man I enjoyed it with had basically the same technique as the rest, but he loved it so damn much that it turned me on. I think a man getting turned on by turning you on can make just about anything sexy.

LegacyUser

I find that even though I find it a huge turn on and come very easily from a guy going down on me, it has to be on my terms. If I don't feel clean or hygenic enough, or I don't feel that the relationship has been going on long enough to trust him with such an intimate act, I may still let him try but it would get us nowhere. Its a matter of trust, I'd say maybe be patient, leave the subject alone entirely for a while, and when you're together even longer, talk about trying it. If she still says no at that point, you've tried, and you have to decide if you can live without it. If she gives it a try, let it be on her terms, and hope for the best.

Also, as for the "pussy" comment, that is actually disgusting, seriously.