Grass is always greener

LegacyUser

I have a question.

I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. The thing is, most of my time is consumed with thinking that i would rather be out with friends than with her. I was away with her a couple of months ago and all i kept thinking was the amount of fun I would be having if my mates were there instead of her. Even when she asks me to go to a family meal of to a wedding, im always thinking i wonder if the lads are doing anything that night.

Another thing is, I always think of what it would be like if I was with someone else. I see someone on the street or if i am talking to other people, i always think I would like to see what it is like in a different relationship. BUT I AM NOT UNFAITHFUL. This is my first proper relationship ( im 24) and i just feel like I havent experienced everything yet.

Now, the grass is greener part. I know this is a very strong argument and I do agree to somewhat as I have seen firends whom this has happened to. However, is it not a dangerous thing to constatly be thinking the grass is greener? I would say I spend half my time doubting relationship, that could easily turn into something nasty. I dont want to hate or resent this girl because she is the nicest most down to earth person ever. Im just worried that I could start getting annoyed and irriatated at small things i shouldnt and its purely my fault.

Any thoughts??

Jimmy Bottlehead

Did you really live the single life when you had the chance?

LegacyUser

I wouldnt say I did no.

I mean i went out a lot etc but interms of women and relationships, it was very poor. I only really foundmy confidence in the past few years

chickenhawk

I recently got out of a relationship. Best thing I ever did! Don't have to worry about others or to be seen dancing near women. I know another will come along when the time is right. But that might not be for you. Think about it. Go out with your friends like you are single (without cheating) and see which you prefer. For the first few weeks you will miss her but then the fun will begin! Only you can decide.

Overheal

you should talk to her. Tell her that you're feeling down and that you miss your friends. It sounds like the problem is you're not getting enough of that "Me Time" and too much We Time. How often do you hang out with your mates?

Pub07

Speaking from experience, you probably just need to get it out of your system. You are always going to have this feeling hanging over you and it's only gonna get worse. It sounds like you just aren't ready for an exclusive relationship at the moment, nothing wrong with that. My advice would be to break up and go and sow your wild oats and have the craic with the lads and once you've had your fill of that you'll be much more comfortable in your next relationship.

mags16

You are not ready to be in a long term relationship. You are only 24. If you were 20 years older, I would worry.

I know someone who is nearly 20 years older than you who feels the same. He flits from one relationship to another without being able to commit to anybody and all the time yearns to be with the guys in the bar. He's been like this for all of his adult life. That's not healthy.

LegacyUser

If your bored now, imagine what you'll be like in 10 yrs time!

Laughter and fun and communication are what good relationships are built on. If you cant spend time with her now and be happy, what are you going to do when you're married or the like and its just the two of you looking at each other bored to tears?

I know a couple like this and I just want to shake them and say why are you wasting precious time when all you want to do is go out and have a laugh and get away from each other? It actually has nothing to do with being with other people, its about living your life and if you feel that your girlfriend is not a positive element in your life then the two of you are better apart.

Faith

Are all your friends single? If they are, this might explain how you're feeling - you see them out, having a laugh, pulling girls whenever they want, and it looks great. But how would you feel if you broke up with your girlfriend just as your mates all started relationships? Do you ever think that they might be jealous of what you have? I think you need to look at the circumstances and see if that's affecting how you feel.

Of course, if the majority of your friends are in long term relationships too, that negates my point.

LegacyUser

To be honest it is probably about 60/40 in favour of longterm relationships with my friends. Yet even the ones that are in longterm relationships seem to be out doing more with everybody else whilst I am doing something with my girlfriend. THe vast majority of the time, the only time I get to see my single firends is when its an occasion like a birthday or something and my girlfriend is coming with me. I mean she gets on really well with them but I always feel that there would be a slightly better element of fun if she wasnt there.

Faith

Why don't you try to arrange to have a guys night once a week or so? Get all your friends together and have a great time. You don't have to be with your girlfriend every night of the week.

LegacyUser

Yeh its a good idea.

The only draw back is that she is a planner. She literally plans months in advance for things we are going to do. If i have a different agenda for one of her plans she gets in a strop because it was in her head that thats what was going to happen! Im left felling like a bastard because I ruined her plans. Even everyday, she txts me saying, what do you want to do later. It hardly gives me an opportunity to get to do anything with my friends as lads being lads, everything is organised on the spur of the moment and at the last minute.....

denvey

I was eith my ex for 2 years there,before we started going out i was one of the lads,weekends were all about getting pissed and chasing girls!I thought it was the life till i met her.She brought perspective back into my life,i stopped boozing as much and did couply things alot more.It was fun to be in a commited relationship and it felt good to know with her my life was on track.But after a year and a half that nagging feeling came of grass is greener etc.I'd go out the odd time with the lads and flirt a bit them be resentful the next day that i could of had more fun.Eventually me and my ex went away on holidays,we just argued the whole time and came back feeling miserable.Eventually a few weeks down the line we mutually broke up.At first it was great it was what i had wanted ....or so i thought.Its been 2 months now and i miss her miserably,even when i got out and score some good looking girl it doesnt matter shes not who i want.I'm trying and pretty sure failing to win her back.
If i were you i'd think long and hard about this decision.Maybe if at all possible get away from her for a few weeks and just see how you feel,you will either love it or soon like me you will realise it was the biggest mistake of your life.I'd give anything to get my gf back but unfortunately im losing the battle.

LolaLuv

Unregistered wrote: »

Yeh its a good idea.

The only draw back is that she is a planner. She literally plans months in advance for things we are going to do. If i have a different agenda for one of her plans she gets in a strop because it was in her head that thats what was going to happen! Im left felling like a bastard because I ruined her plans. Even everyday, she txts me saying, what do you want to do later. It hardly gives me an opportunity to get to do anything with my friends as lads being lads, everything is organised on the spur of the moment and at the last minute.....

Months in advance is waaaay too much. I guess I can't speak for everyone, but I'd certainly be feeling stifled in that sort of a situation. Why don't you ask her, while she's planning, to give you a night to yourself once a week or so?

BroomBurner

Unregistered wrote: »

Yeh its a good idea.

The only draw back is that she is a planner. She literally plans months in advance for things we are going to do. If i have a different agenda for one of her plans she gets in a strop because it was in her head that thats what was going to happen! Im left felling like a bastard because I ruined her plans. Even everyday, she txts me saying, what do you want to do later. It hardly gives me an opportunity to get to do anything with my friends as lads being lads, everything is organised on the spur of the moment and at the last minute.....

She sounds a little over controlling. Have a talk with her, explain that you don't want to feel like everything is always planned out, that it would be ncier to just go with the flow and enjoy your time together and your time apart with your own mates.

If that doesn't work, then consider breaking up. Best for the both of yis.