LDR - go for it or not?

LegacyUser

Ok, here's the story.

I'm the guy. The girl come's to the guy's house for a long weekend to visit her friend, guy's housemate. Guy and girl end up hitting it off and spend 3 night in bed together. A fun time is had. Email addresses are exchanged and girl heads off to her home in another European country. Email and text conversations ensue, guy receives an invitation to visit girl so he jets off to her city for another fun-packed weekend. During said weekend, guy and girl both start to develop feelings for one-another that perhaps extend beyond physical lust.

Guy and girl talk their future through over IM and seem to agree on "well lets think about it and see what happens".

So basically I don't know whether or not I should be pursuing this. I've been involved in long distance relationships before so why I'd like to pursue a relationship, I know from experience that it can be an awful bitch to make these things work. Having to take a Ryanair flight every time you want to see someone is not nice. Another spanner in the works in this case is the fact that neither of us speaks the other's language very well - conversation has been slow and rudimentary, although it is improving, but it means I haven't been able to get to know this girl as well as I would like.

So while I really like what I know so far, I'm wondering if I should cash in my chips now (two really great, memorable weekends) and leave it at that, or go all-in and pursue both the glory and frustration of such a relationship with whom I think is a really nice, sweet, pretty girl?

DD

Most of the times ends bad, I'd say leave it like this.
I've been through this and was a nightmare.

Faith

I think the best way for LDRs to work is to have an end in sight for the distance. I'm in one now and it's really hard but at least I know we'll be back living in the same country come May. If you really like this girl, then there's no reason not to go for it, but it will require a lot of work. Would you ever be happy moving over to where she lives? Would she move over to you? I think that if you just float along, you'll start to get frustrated and things will fall apart (IMO). The language barrier is another hurdle to overcome. So yes, a long distance relationship can work, and well, but do you feel its worth the amount of effort involved? Not to mention practicalities like cost.

zero19

Can't imagine it's gonna be easy at all, but go for it if your not afraid of getting hurt or whatever

cantdecide

If she's worth it, it won't be hard. Que sa-ra sa-ra

Cathkins

An LDR within Ireland is going to be hard so I'd imagine pursuing one across countries would be that bit tougher - I think most people would say that communication is one the most important things in any relationship and certainly is very if not more important to have when in an LDR so that the fact that you don't have easy communication will make it tougher! Tbh if I was you I'd leave it as a nice memory in the past cause I only see alot of hurt for you both in future!

LegacyUser

I was in the same position as you OP 5 years ago and now I am happliy married to the girl :-) If you really like her then go for it.

petethebrick

You've only met up with her two weekends so why the need to get all serious so quickly? Often you might meet someone in Ireland who you see casually over a long time before entering into a relationship with them - no? I know I do.

Why not visit each other a few times over the next year with the understanding that you're keeping it casual and then reassess the situation further down the line. Chances are you might meet someone else here during that year and forget about yer other one....or maybe not..:)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the varied replies, you've given me a few points of view anyway

Most of the times ends bad, I'd say leave it like this.
I've been through this and was a nightmare.

Yeah thats not an unlikely outcome and its what I'm trying to avoid.

I think the best way for LDRs to work is to have an end in sight for the distance. I'm in one now and it's really hard but at least I know we'll be back living in the same country come May. If you really like this girl, then there's no reason not to go for it, but it will require a lot of work. Would you ever be happy moving over to where she lives? Would she move over to you? I think that if you just float along, you'll start to get frustrated and things will fall apart (IMO). The language barrier is another hurdle to overcome. So yes, a long distance relationship can work, and well, but do you feel its worth the amount of effort involved? Not to mention practicalities like cost.

The trouble is, there is no such end in sight. I have no problems making effort and sacrifices to make a relationship work, but I don't know this girl well enough to know whether a gargantuan effort would be worth it. It would be great getting to know her but also probably very frustrating, with no end in sight.

petethebrick wrote: »

Why not visit each other a few times over the next year with the understanding that you're keeping it casual and then reassess the situation further down the line. Chances are you might meet someone else here during that year and forget about yer other one....or maybe not..:)

I like this idea, its kind of what we have in mind. This started off as a bit of casual fun, I'd like if that could continue at least. The only danger is that in such a case, expectations can rise, you can become comfortable and end up in a limbo of uncertainty forever. Anyhoo. Its likely I'll meet her at least once again. Lets see what happens

not yet

love will conquer all......and if not just go with the flow.

MagicMarker

So, you've had two sex weekends together, barely speak each others languages and thinking of starting a LDR?

I'd leave it, it's just lust, you can't possible have the feelings you think you do if you barely know her.

The relationship is based purely around sex and lust, why complicate things even more so?

LegacyUser

I'm in a LDR

Although i love my girlfriend, and don't want it to end......if I had the chance to walk away at the start before I got emotionally involved, I would have.

It's very difficult, more so than I had expected. IMO, I think you should bail out.

~nop~

MagicMarker wrote: »

So, you've had two sex weekends together, barely speak each others languages and thinking of starting a LDR?

I'd leave it, it's just lust, you can't possible have the feelings you think you do if you barely know her.

The relationship is based purely around sex and lust, why complicate things even more so?

Yeah if I were you I'd keep up some contact, maybe arrange a few more visits, but keep off any form of commitment, for both your sakes.

LDR's can last a lot longer than some relationships because you simply don't get the chance to see that you're not compatible together in the time that you would realise it if you were both living close by, and there's no point staking a lot of time on this one if you don't even know that yet.

Big Knox

MagicMarker wrote: »

So, you've had two sex weekends together, barely speak each others languages and thinking of starting a LDR?

I'd leave it, it's just lust, you can't possible have the feelings you think you do if you barely know her.

The relationship is based purely around sex and lust, why complicate things even more so?

Of course he can have feelings for her, you can't put a time frame on somthing like that. Lust, infatuation, attraction, comfort and happiness in each others company, missing her when they're apart. This all amounts reguardless of whether its 2 amazing weekends or 2 years. There's still somthing there growing.

OP go with it for now, take it casual and see how it flows. If you do honestly feel somthing worth working for then give it some time for sure. Keep in contact and try get a trip or two over the coming months and see where it goes from there. If it doesen't work out well then as you said at least you got a couple of memorable weekends out of it, but if it does last and you both get to the stage where you want to take it further then happy days man.

Life doesen't throw too many opportunities like this at you, you at least owe it to yourself to see where it takes you.

Best of luck.

Partizan

I have had an expereince with a LDR and I can tell you that they dont work. It all comes down to the distance involved and how you two feel about each other.

OP, which country is she from? If she is say from France or Germany than there should be no problem about hopping over twice a month to see each other.

Daisygirl

Hi OP,

I've been in your situation before, met a guy friend of a friend on a weekend away, fun few days had and like you he came over to see me and I to see him. Going great, then it got a little strained, we both had other commitments in our own country and didn't get to see eachother as much, having to organise a flight, time off, etc weekends are a precious thing and it got difficult to fit each other in, and before you say:- you are willing to put all the effort into this relationship, all good intentions have a way of being crushed, as they say the best laid plans...... anyway we had a chat or two and decided it would be best if we just kept things casual, took the pressure off both of us and we get along better, we keep in touch, text, e-mails etc, it's an easy way of getting to know one another without any pressure and having "bonus weekends" are never a bad thing

DD

it's not easy to be separated, it fells so good when you meet but when one of you has to go ...i don't want that feeling again