Am i shallow?

abi2007

i've dated about 10 guys this years and everyone I find a problem with and instantly get turned off them. last guy I went on a date with I didn't like how he dressed and he had crooked teeth. I'm wondering if i'm being shallow or am I right to hold out for what i want?

allybhoy

Not that im an expert but once you play safe and dont break hearts as you go I would personally say shop away. When you meet the person you want to stay with, bad teeth or clothes wont make you want to leave them....

abi2007

i doubt i've hurt any of them..i usually make up my mind on the first or second date

themacdaddy

No! Everyone is different....and just because you didn't like them doesn't mean your shallow.. I am a guy and I am really picky about women I see..It took me ages to find the girl I am with now and it still does not mean that we will be together forever..finding someone isn't easy and at least your trying....you just have keep going until you find someone who makes your heart skip a beat (or at least someone with nice teeth and a good dress sence)

LegacyUser

just curious... how did you meet all these guys? Did you know any of them before you went out with them, but hadn't decided how you felt about them romantically yet? Or were they all new, so you noticed their teeth, etc. for the first time on the date?

allybhoy

abi2007 wrote: »

i doubt i've hurt any of them..i usually make up my mind on the first or second date

Well then shine on you crazy diamond....

abi2007

Unregistered wrote: »

just curious... how did you meet all these guys? Did you know any of them before you went out with them, but hadn't decided how you felt about them romantically yet? Or were they all new, so you noticed their teeth, etc. for the first time on the date?

usually in the pub..little tipsy.

abi2007

allybhoy wrote: »

Well then shine on you crazy diamond....

i don't understand?

Wibbs

allybhoy keep on topic and restrict your posts to helpful advice please.

MagicMarker

It's not shallow, just a bit stupid.

If you're looking for the perfect guy then prepare yourself for a long search, because he doesn't exist, not on the first or second date anyway.

Wibbs

Everyone is "shallow" to some degree. We all have preferences. So long as you're not stepping on toes, play on.

abi2007

MagicMarker wrote: »

It's not shallow, just a bit stupid.

If you're looking for the perfect guy then prepare yourself for a long search, because he doesn't exist, not on the first or second date anyway.

yeah some people in work told me i'm being to fussy.. thats what made me wonder was i? should i just continue to see a person and see what happens and maybe the issue will be less important? but then I don't want to hurt anyone either.

homerun_homer

abi2007 wrote: »

yeah some people in work told me i'm being to fussy.. thats what made me wonder was i? should i just continue to see a person and see what happens and maybe the issue will be less important? but then I don't want to hurt anyone either.

There's a difference between being fussy and prefering to wait for someone who does suit you. There's nothing wrong as long as you aren't messing anyone about, leading them on or being cruel.
I'm fussy myself, had a few dates in recent months and had no interest in anyone. If you aren't interested and keep seeing the person just for the sake of it then it might end up hurting them. Keep looking.

MagicMarker

abi2007 wrote: »

yeah some people in work told me i'm being to fussy.. thats what made me wonder was i? should i just continue to see a person and see what happens and maybe the issue will be less important? but then I don't want to hurt anyone either.

All I'm saying is not to write someone off so quickly, shortcomings can be overlooked. Next time you meet a guy, rather than decide after the 1st or 2nd date, wait until the 5th or 6th date, because you'll probably seem him differently at the end of the day, and may not even notice that gap in his teeth or the star trek t-shirt he wears, you might be focusing on how kind he is, considerate, caring etc etc.

People's image change, I don't dress the same now as I did a few years ago, in fact I always listen to my girlfriend(s) regarding clothes, there's no reason you can't have an input on a guys faux pas'. We're here to be trained (to a certain extent:))

Terodil

abi2007 wrote: »

yeah some people in work told me i'm being to fussy.. thats what made me wonder was i? should i just continue to see a person and see what happens and maybe the issue will be less important? but then I don't want to hurt anyone either.

I think to really feel the 'click' so to speak you'll need to take your time and get to know people, outside of the pub, without being tipsy. Get to know their personality. I think it's fair enough that you have some KO criteria, that's your prerogative, so if you feel that certain men will definitely not meet your expectations then it's quite nice of you to let them go after the first or second date, before anything deeper has evolved: being dropped after the nth date 'just' because crooked teeth are a huge turn-off for you will hurt them very much, needlessly too.

Some time, you'll feel that spark of attraction and desire that will tell you to get to know him better, and then take your time, give yourselves both the option to explore each other's character and take it from there. Don't expect the love to kick in fully after the first or second date. It may, or it may not. Having minimum standards (even if set high) does not make you shallow; only leaving everything on a pure appearance-level would do.

implausible

Carry on, when you meet someone who's right, you won't care about teeth etc. You're only shallow if you have a hit-list of criteria e.g. I could never date someone who didn't have a full head of hair, and turn down someone perfect because of it.

Me, I only ever fancied fellas who were over 6ft....and then I met my husband to be, all 5'4" of him!

Colonel_McCoy

Dont think so at all....no point settling for second best

allybhoy

abi2007 wrote: »

i don't understand?

Sorry I meant that as long as your not hurting anyone and enjoying yourself then were is the damage? You will meet someone eventually.....

DarkJager

abi2007 wrote: »

i've dated about 10 guys this years and everyone I find a problem with and instantly get turned off them. last guy I went on a date with I didn't like how he dressed and he had crooked teeth. I'm wondering if i'm being shallow or am I right to hold out for what i want?

Thats the real question you should be asking yourself : do you even know what you want? If you're going to base "what you want" on how a guy dresses or how straight his teeth are then yes, you are extremely shallow.

LegacyUser

I don't think you're shallow, but I do think you're very naive and will be waiting a long time for Mr Perfect to arrive.

I had my 'ideal man' all mapped out in my head.... spent a long time single.

Met a guy who was very far removed from the ideal man in my head and we're engaged to be married.

towel401

a little

abi2007

I suppose I should go out with him again..maybe get to know him a bit better before I decide he's not for me. I'm not commiting myself to anything and it's just dating so i suppose why not!

Missy75

I don´t think you´re shallow at all! Just listen to your gut feeling and you´ll be just fine...

cantdecide

If all you could see were his teeth then maybe you might be tipping the shallow scales just a smidge. Just keep it in mind.

wylo

OP, its seems your using the teeth or dress sense etc as an excuse when the truth is its the PERSON your not attracted to. Theres nothing wrong with that I guess but theres also nothing wrong with just saying to yourself 'Look, I just dont fancy him'. Dont beat yourself up about it, no point in seeing someone your not into.

af_thefragile

As long as you don't tell the guy you're rejecting him cuz you don't like his clothes and crooked teeth, i think everyone's entitled to make their choices!

chickenhawk

To be fair to you op i'm not too shallow but I have a serious thing about teeth! among a few other things.

As long as you are not judging people on every little detail then it's cool. Everyone has their own little niggles.

Dragan

abi2007 wrote: »

i've dated about 10 guys this years and everyone I find a problem with and instantly get turned off them. last guy I went on a date with I didn't like how he dressed and he had crooked teeth. I'm wondering if i'm being shallow or am I right to hold out for what i want?

Generally speaking that is the dating game. You meet someone a couple of times and you make your decisions.

It's perfectly fine to have standards by which you are judging possible love interests, the thing is, are you turning them all away based on physical issues?

Thats the kind of thing you can tell at the point of asking.

SpookyDoll

No way, if you aren't attracted to someone dont see them again, simple!

Dating is not charity, if you aren't attracted to someone dont waste their time....dont mind your friends at all.....!!!

Good luck in your search!

You're not a bit shallow, you're not unattracted to them because of their crooked teeth or whatever, you're just not attracted to them full stop so you're noticing their flaws, you could end up meeting the man of your dream and not notice this stuff because there is chemistry. Don't bother settling for someone you're not into, life's too short.