Advice

Jimmy James

Hello,

I am new to the boards but was told its a good place to come to for advice so here goes.

My wife is suffering from PND for the past year. I have tried to deal with this on my own and to be honest i have not done any research into it I just dealt with it as best as i could.

Some days are good and some days are bad. For a good time my wife seemed to be getting better but has slipped back into a bad place. This I know is due to my lack of knowledge and understanding to her situation. She is quick to anger and calls me names and tells me i am useless and that she is better off without me. I take this all on the chin cause i know its not her but I do not know what to do to make her feel better. She always apologises after and tells me its not her but she does remind me that i am in the dark when it comes to knowing properly about her condition.

I am not looking for sympathy cause i know that i have let this slip and as long as things seemed ok i just let it slide. I dont like conflict so if things are quiet thats good enough for me even though i am not address the matter properly. I love my wife very much but I guess i am lazy when it comes to dealing with important and serious matters.

Can anyone give me some advice that may help or give me a clearer idea of what i can do.

Thanks

Dfens

Sorry to hear about you and your wife's current problem, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to deal with for both of you.
Is your wife getting any medical or professional (counselling) help for her PND, maybe you could go with her for her visits to lend emotional support & show her that you really care in her getting better for both of you & baby.

For knowledge, you can always find some info. on PND on the web, GPs etc. but to really understand how she is feeling you will need to have a good heart-to-heart with her & ask her how she feels. This will also show her you really want to be involved in understanding her current state & it may even help her in working through it, talking about things is often therapeutic.

How does she react to baby and other people in general, what is her general interest/attitude to everyday life like? Not throwing any accusations here but is it possible that your wife is using the PND as an excuse to let off some steam/fustration at you?
Do you get involved helping out at home & with the baby much to give her a break? Maybe she's just getting very fustrated & feeling under-appreciated at home.

Hope things work out for you both & that this will bring you even closer together as a couple.

pgroarke

Firstly any kind of depression is not to be messed with and obviously one should seek medical advice.

That said there is a mountain of research that suggests there are things your wife / you can do that will alleviate the symptoms.

(1) Omega-3 fish oils.
Long chain fatty acids are the natural building blocks of our bodies brains and eyes.
They are available at any supermarket.
Some experts are now saying they are more effective than prescribed anti depressants.

(2) Exercise.

Jimmy James

Dfens wrote: »

Sorry to hear about you and your wife's current problem, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to deal with for both of you.
Is your wife getting any medical or professional (counselling) help for her PND, maybe you could go with her for her visits to lend emotional support & show her that you really care in her getting better for both of you & baby.

For knowledge, you can always find some info. on PND on the web, GPs etc. but to really understand how she is feeling you will need to have a good heart-to-heart with her & ask her how she feels. This will also show her you really want to be involved in understanding her current state & it may even help her in working through it, talking about things is often therapeutic.

How does she react to baby and other people in general, what is her general interest/attitude to everyday life like? Not throwing any accusations here but is it possible that your wife is using the PND as an excuse to let off some steam/fustration at you?
Do you get involved helping out at home & with the baby much to give her a break? Maybe she's just getting very fustrated & feeling under-appreciated at home.

Hope things work out for you both & that this will bring you even closer together as a couple.

Thanks for the advice. A heart to heart is long time overdue but i will put that straight. My wife is amazing with our child. He can be difficult from time to time but my wife is so alert to his needs and loves him with all her heart. She is also out and about most days going to mother and baby groups and seems to have a great time at them. I do try help out as much as I can in the house but i guess i could do more. There is a frustration there so i guess i need to put my head down and get on with the jobs at home and keep reminding her that i love her dearly.

I also have to read up on this so i can get a clear head about the situation and her condition. I try to be as gentle and understanding as possible but maybe i need to confront this head on but with a little bit of subtlety.

shaca

I suffered from pnd after the birth of my son 19 months ago. It was the most awful time of my life. Your wife might find it hard to explain how she is feeling and this makes her even more frustrated. I could cope with life in general but night time was the worst where i spent hours twisting and turning, imagining the worst things possible happening to me or my family. Because of the lack of sleep it was nearly impossible to have a proper conversation with me. She is not shutting you out intentionally. I would definately advice her to talk to someone. It took me nearly 8 months to talk about it but when I did it seemed to open the flood gates. It does take time so get all info you can. The thing that amazed me is how common it is yet very few will talk about it. She is a lucky woman to have a husband that will ask for help like you have. Be patient, it will get better.