loney vent

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am going unreg for this one . I'm writing/venting here more to feel like I'm getting things off my chest and air some of the things I can't do at the moment with most other people.
Thanks in advance for your time.

I'm a 28 y/o guy living in Dublin. What appears to be a few years ago the world felt like my oyster, my job was good and secure, I had a beautiful caring girlfriend, my family life was good and I had everything going for me... prob

Unfortunately things with my G/f were not to be. She is a fantastic person, I would not have a bad word to say about her, but it was not right in the end. I knew it in my heart of hearts and although i knew it would break both our hearts, I ended it last October. I felt guilty for hurting her for a long time since. But I still feel it was the right thing to do. We both deserve and are entitled to be with people who we work with.
Only recently have I felt like i would like to meet/ready to meet someone else. I'm told by my girlfriends regularly that 'im a very attractive guy', and often when I might meet a girl out they would assume I'm super confident and a player. I'm not either! I'm probably best described as wingin it, finding my way. In fact truth be told, I'm not good with the ladies. I go out there having been with my ex for so long and it feels like im 14 again learning, and completely and utterly out of my depth.
For example, i was out at a work night, I ended up kissing a girl who was really complimentary, and appeared very interested. I liked her, the first in a while. She wanted me to go back home with her, but having walked her to her taxi, kissed her good night, I told her i thought she was nice and would like to meet up with her again before doing anything. I think she might have felt rejected or that i was weird for not wanting to bed her. She got weird with me. I just don't get off on the sleeping with randomers. I would prefer to get to know her and if it goes that way, great, if not well nothing ventured nothing gained. Stupidly in hindsight I texted this girl a few days later and got the busy thing back. I'm getting a lot of stick for my behavior from my mates who reckon i need to liven up and women don't want some guy like that. I suppose after a few years with my ex i prob don't fit in any more in the dating scene and most girls would prob be put off some lad who will not bed them first night or who has only ever been with one girl for such a long time. :S

While I'm ranting, I lost my job recently and had to get a job doing something completely alien to what i used to do and took a massive salary cut. I'm lucky to have one. I know. But i suppose the shock of it was a bit of a kick to the testes!


Finally , I know I sound like an oversensitive eejit here, I mean, i dont normally cry or get emotional or anything. But i just found out my dog has cancer today and only way to describe finding out the news is heart breaking.

This has been a disaster of a year! Best foot forward, roll on 2009.

If you read this far, thanks. Feel bit better for venting!

Overheal

Sorry to hear about your dog

As for the taxi girl - well what can i say besides what was wrong with you Its kind of like saying "I dont kiss on the first date" - its not that they wont or never have its just that its the moral stance thats been built into that person.

I mean come on: Show of hands boards - how many of you are dating or married to your first night lover? Just practice safety and have some fun.

McGinty

Hi Op

First I am really sorry about your dog, as for Overheal's advice, I wouldn't go there, be yourself, not every woman wants a man to jump her on the first night. I think a lot of women are primed to think they should but there are plenty of women who like to get to know a guy first. You know your own worth and value, stick to what you want, it is frustrating and I think the whole dating thing is at the moment but keep with your attitude because you'll find the right girl for you eventually.

jellie

sorry to hear about your dog

sounds like youre having a rough time lately.. but dont change yourself because things didnt work out with one girl. theres plenty of girls out there looking for someone exactly like you, who wont rush them into bed at the first chance. sure theres always threads here asking "are men only after one thing?!" etc.

you sound like a lovely guy. dont let one girls attitude change how you normally act.

Curlypinkie

Hey OP,
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, it seems like that got you down to no end, especially when being single a dog is always a man's friend!
I wish I could get a dog but sadly wouldn't have time for it...

Don't worry, you haven't been single for long yet, you're still learning to find your feet in your single life.

There are so many stages to meeting a person, it's almost like a game with levels.
Level one is the intial "click" everyone is talking about. That's easily attained (being the first level), especially when people have had some drinks on them. Dutch courage etc.

The next levels get harder and harder the more you progress into getting to know a person.
It's good you've made to level one in such a short while to be honest!

Remember, don't despair about being single. It could actually take more than a year, more than two, heck even longer to find someone that's compatible with you on all levels. Don't hold out for it to happen tho. Try living your life today. Enjoy it! Being single is great fun

And no, all girls don't want s€x after meeting you the first time.

Oh, and your job... it takes a while to get used to a lower salary... but think like this, at least you have a job. I got friends who can't find one at all.

AngryBadger

Man that sucks about your dog.

As to the rest. Cut yourself some slack. You've been with one person for a long time, it's normal that you feel a little out of practice, and out of your comfort zone when it comes to women. I'd suit myself if I were you. If you don't want to sleep with someone, then don't sleep with them, there's enough moaning about how all men "only want one thing", so if a woman can't appreciate a guy who isn't just after "one thing" then that's her problem.

It mightn't hurt to loosen up, that doesn't mean sleeping with anyone, but if you're out with your mates, why not cut loose? You're a free agent, you answer to no-one. Let your hair down once in a while.

As you said yourself, a lot of people are under pressure jobwise at the minute. But things will pick up, keep your eyes, and ears open and eventually a job which is more suited to your skill and experience will pop up.

Best of luck OP!

TheZohanS

Overheal wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your dog

+1

[Jackass]

Hey OP,

Swings and rounabouts mate. Don't worry about the lads taking the piss a bit, sure that's what they're there for! But like somebody said, just be yourself, do what you do and let nature take its course. A lot of women would find it very attractive that you're interested in more than just shagging them. In fact, I would wager that you found the ONLY girl in Dublin who isn't impressed by the fact that you were interested in more than shagging her. (girls who aren't just looking for some "release" of course )

You had the great times, now you have the sh*t times, but the great times will come back around, they always do, and I reckon you'll enjoy and appreciate it that little bit more the next time.

In life, you can't enjoy the sweet without the sour.

p.s. sorry about your dog.

sunnyside

Hi just a short reply to say I'm sorry about the dog. Vets can do a lot more for dogs with cancer now, hopefully he can live for a while longer. Only really nice guys have dogs.

keep_going wrote: »

What appears to be a few years ago the world felt like my oyster, my job was good and secure, I had a beautiful caring girlfriend, my family life was good and I had everything going for me... prob

And I'm quoting this to point out that what you seem to be suffering from at the moment is difficulty dealing with life's up and downs. I'm 30 and have the same problem.

I think it's mostly because all through college and for a few years after life was good all the time and we got used to that. Then as soon as things go wrong we can't cope because we're so used to everything being great all the time.

Things will change for the better again.

cantdecide

Could be worse, OP- you could have a face like the back of a bus. You'd be fooked altogether, then. Be yourself, bud. If you're not comfortable, there's something up and don't let your mates ram what works for them down your throat. My dad always says that every cripple has his own way of walking.

PS I'm sorry to hear about your dog.

sunnyside

cantdecide wrote: »

Could be worse, OP- you could have a face like the back of a bus. You'd be fooked altogether, then. Be yourself, bud. If you're not comfortable, there's something up and don't let your mates ram what works for them down your throat. My dad always says that every cripple has his own way of walking.

.

That doesn't help. Every single problem posted in PI "could be worse" but if that was the general response to every problem no-one could ask for advice.

cafecolour

Sorry to hear about your dog, and losing the girlfriend.

Honestly, you sound fine - you're just out of practice on the dating scene, which is normal for someone who has been in a relationship for as long as you have. I'd say you are slightly impatient, and want things to move faster, obviously, but take things as they come, try not to get frustrated, and most importantly, keep at it - ie keep going out and the like. Join some social clubs. All the basics. You'll be fine.

cantdecide

sunnyside wrote: »

That doesn't help. Every single problem posted in PI "could be worse" but if that was the general response to every problem no-one could ask for advice.

Lighten up- I was telling him keep on the sunny side and pay some regard to the good fortune he was born with...

Stheno

I'm very sorry to hear about your dog


You've had a pretty rough time of it in lots of ways with work, splitting with your girlfriend etc.

Imo you need to take some time for you, and with the dating side of things, ease back into it, make sure you are comfortable firstly and that should help.

Best of luck, and very best wishes to yourself and your dog.