Monday Un's

rocky25

A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes.

When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was,

"Hot Lips and Tender Kisses."

When she gets home she's very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record.

Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store's number.

But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead.

"Hello," the mechanic answers.

"Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?" the girl asks.

The mechanic was puzzled, but says,

"Well, no, but I've got hot pants and seven inches."

"Oh, is that a record?" she says.

"No," he says, "but it's better than average."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dianne goes to the doctor, and says,

"Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem.

I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."

The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe.

She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.

"Well, what is it?" he asks.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies.

"These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."

The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is.

Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend a Harley rider?"

The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually he is."

"That's the problem," the doctor says.

"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3 birdwatchers sitting in pub chatting over a pint.

1st man says, I call my wife dove because she’s small and petite.

2nd man says, I call my wife flamingo because she’s tall and slender.

3rd man laughs and says, I call my wife thrush because she’s an irritating cnut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She married and had 13 children.
Her husband died.

She married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died.

But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
She finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,

'Lord, they're finally together.'

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,

'Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?

The friend replied,

' I think he means her legs.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have some Farts,

http://www.eyegas.com/sproutifarts/

staker

brilliant.
got to level 3 before the sh** hit the screen:D