Should I say something?

LegacyUser

A few month ago I went to a wedding. Had a great night (or so I thought). My boyfriend of 3 years came with me. We stayed up all night and had a hoolie with aunts/cousins etc....

So a few months later, this rumour comes out that the night of the wedding my boyfriend asked one of my brothers mates for a loan (no ATM near by - he paid him back a few days later). No big deal. But since this everyone has become so distant. I met one of my Aunty's today and she didnt ask for my partner (she normally would). She was also very cool with me.

Another thing that happened is that on that night as I said we had a hoolie after the bar closed. We ran out of alcohol. About 8 in the morning my partner said he'd run to the nearest shop see if he could get something. So we ALL chipped in. He ran down to a little cornor shop and got 3 bottles of wine. No one complained. We then ordered breakfast, a big tray of food for €30 which we (partner and I) paid for. We then chipped in €20 each for the chalet.

So one of my cousins (she wasnt at the party) a few months later says to my sister that he took money off a guy, the he took money off my auntys, went and bought 2 bottles of wine and kept the money for himself! the story that surfaced is totally incorrect and I know this cause I was there.

My cousin told my sister that they are "worried" about me because of his "carry on". I have so far kept my mouth shut over this, not wanting to cause a scene. But I feel like everyone has judged him unfairly. A few days after this rumour came out, my cousin text me and was like "oh you know I didnt tell your sister any of that-shes lying". So, I asked her what had happed and all I got back was that she is "worried" about me. I am livid. Now she is due to get married in a few months time, and its a case of do we go to the wedding or not? My boyfriend knows all about what happened and says that shur if he goes to this wedding who knows what they might come out with next!

My cousins family loves to gossip about people. They think that their lives are fecking great. I know so many stories about them yet I wouldnt dream of gossiping about them. One of the big things that I know is that the night of that wedding, the guy my cousin is getting married to in a few months came onto a friend of mine in front of my eyes, asking her if she'd like to go for a shag in the car - that noone would notice! I am too polite to say anything - am I being walked all over? Do I retaliate?

I am an educated (masters level) person who minds her own business. I would not consider myself foolish, but its gotton to the stage where it is affecting other parts of my life. I dont think that it is fair that this rumour has hurt my boyfriend and I, yet I dont know what to do about it. Sorry for the long post - this has been on my chest along time.

He is being dragged through the mud, along with my sister and I. I probably shold have opened my mouth sooner but I thought all this might blow over but it hasnt.

Can anyone offer any advice please?

dreamer_ire

If that's how you cousin and her family behave I'm not sure whay you would want to go to the wedding tbh. Why bother having people in your life who don't add anything to it. And I would absolutley tackle the lies head on.... esp if as you say you know them to be lies.

Lollipops23

to be honest i would say something, they were well out of line. Get the full story from your oh ans then approach the cousin/aunty involved. They're basically making out that he stole money from your family, you need to clear this up once and for all.

~nop~

They'll keep walking all over his name until you stand up for yourself and for your boyfriend. They're not his family. People take silence for agreement and this is completely disloyal to your bf

I am amazed you've kept quiet for this long, I probably would have murdered someone by now. Yes, say something, how dare they tell these lies about your boyfriend,

Sionnachster

You'd need a PhD to sort that out!!

Good luck though..

I'd say something but only because it would keep me awake at night..

vorbis

Don't keep quiet about stuff like this. They're being assholes to you. Telling her about her fiance coming onto your friend depends on how much you dislike them. I personally would be tempted but its probably a bit too nasty. Clear up the rumors with your family and let people know in no uncertain terms where those rumors came from.

little red

personally i would have to say something. your cousins family are out of order. obviously they have misunderstood the situation somehow and i would have to set them straight. they are judging your bf unfairly and if these rumors are making your own family question your relationship then you have to sort it out. its understandable your bf wants to avoid the wedding

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

I am a firm believer in what goes around, comes around.

I have tried to kepp cool and calm. My bpyfriend told me what happened. Its not so much he told me what happened cause I was there when the money was give out to get the wine. I was there. So I know it is rubbish.

I am just not sure how to go about broaching the subject again. I get the impression if I bring it up again I will be seen as the unreasonable one.

My sister says I should just forget it, but I cant. I would never be this horrible to someone.

I dont know who to approach about this. I dont know if I should say something to my cousin again i.e. text her after a few months after all this kicked off. I wouldnt know what to say. Should I say something like "I would like to meet up with you to sort this out as family are acting strange around me and others are starting to say they are not going to go to your wedding" (ok in not so many words)

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

Can anyone offer any advice please?

I would simply cut those people out of my life.

I know they are "family", but they are obviously total retards. No one needs total retards in their life.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I am a firm believer in what goes around, comes around.

I have tried to kepp cool and calm. My bpyfriend told me what happened. Its not so much he told me what happened cause I was there when the money was give out to get the wine. I was there. So I know it is rubbish.

I am just not sure how to go about broaching the subject again. I get the impression if I bring it up again I will be seen as the unreasonable one.

My sister says I should just forget it, but I cant. I would never be this horrible to someone.

I dont know who to approach about this. I dont know if I should say something to my cousin again i.e. text her after a few months after all this kicked off. I wouldnt know what to say. Should I say something like "I would like to meet up with you to sort this out as family are acting strange around me and others are starting to say they are not going to go to your wedding" (ok in not so many words)

If I were you,I would send the cousin an email saying that ye have decided not to go to the wedding with a link to this thread.
You might want to ask the mods to close it before you do this.

Tell your cousin that you are most unhappy with the carry on and don't want to go-End of.
You can tell her also that the behaviour has seriously damaged your opinion of that side of the family and to put it mildly contact will be limited from now on.

On a side note-people that gossip maliciously or who spread rumours just because thats what they get a kick out of are scum in my opinion.
People who have nothing better to talk about other than unsubstantiated hearsay dressed up as gossip are worthless.
I wouldnt waste my time on them or with them.

LegacyUser

OP, a similar thing happened to me, when I discovered that a cousin was spreading malicious rumours about a member of my immediate family.

I thought I would keep quiet for fear of causing more trouble so did not call my cousin up on what she had been saying - so for years she carried on telling lies.

Karma finally caught up with her some time ago, and it emerged there was no truth to what she had been saying, but it has left a scar on our family and I really wish I had said something sooner.

Speaking from my experience I think you should definitely clear the air now so that everyone will know your bfriend is not the person they are making him out to be.